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22 Sep 2001 - dreams
i had a horrible dream last night...

my dad and i were talking..and he had been talking about how my mom (even though she died) was living in Paris...so i told him i wanted to go..that i missed her and i wanted to see her..so he sent me out there..and i went...i went and i was so happy..i was so excited when i saw her..but i didnt understand how she could be there, if she was dead..but then all these little things that my mom and i used to do...came into my dream.. and in part of it..there were cats..she had four cats..big cats..and my mom used to keep al the stray cats from the neighborhood in our back yard, she feed them and all...i remember a part where she and i went down into the streets and we shopped together..there was a part of the dream that really bothered me...there was a man in the house with her at one point..and she wasnt in the room..and i was crying...and he told me to stop it..that i shouldnt be crying, that she was his now , and that i should stop being such a baby, and i cried harder...and at that point i called my dad, and told him i wanted the first flight out of there..and we went to the airport..but nobody else was there..it was just me...and i got on the plane and i was home..with my dad..i remember another part in the dream..where I could see her and in one part of my dream we were sitting on her bed...we were sitting there and i asked her if my nails looked healthy *i used to have fake ones* and she said yes...i told her i had taken off my fake ones..and then i just started to cry..and she asked me if i missed her..and i just couldnt do anything but cry and i remember her hugging me..when i woke up i was crying..and i had my arms wrapped around myself....

does my dream mean anything? or what? this is the first time ive dreamed about my mom since she passed away...

but little things happen sometimes that kind of scare me..
like i found these old CD's she had made..and whenever i play certain songs ont hem--and i sing them...i can feel this cold shiver..and its not cold in my house, but i have a feeling its my mom singing at that point, not me..

i want my mom back...i just want her back.

22 Sep 2001 - tests
Okay well i got bored today so i took some tests..
and here were my results..

Ultimate Personality Test

Skydiver
You're a free-spirited, independent, action-crazed lunatic. You love movies with sex and violence, and you drive like a maniac. "Anything for a good time," is your motto, even if that means dancing half-dressed on some booze-slicked bar. But let's face it, you're so fun, interesting, and gung-ho about life that people find you irresistible no matter what you do.

You're open and extroverted, and chances are you're pretty liberal (ever thought of giving nudism a try?). Plus, you can work a crowd, baby. You're like a magnet for love and affection. People adore you. They'll cross a busy street just to get a closer look at you. And, thanks to that healthy dose of self-confidence, you're super-flexible — it takes a real downer to make you blue. Your friends are probably all just like you, and we wouldn't be surprised to hear that you're all plotting to take over some Caribbean island.

You're a great leader at work. You're a self-starter and will always volunteer to take on a job if no one else is up for the task. Plus, you're an excellent communicator and tend to spread your enthusiasm to others. But routine work makes you act up and throw things, and then people don't like you so much anymore.

Whats your perfect car?
Pickup Truck

Practical and determined, the car for you is a Pickup. We're thinking a Ford Ranger or a Chevy Silverado—maybe in Indian red or forest green. Your honest, down-to-earth attitude is all about getting the job done. People can always count on you for a charming, plain-talk conversation, without any hidden agenda. You probably pass from one big project to the next, carting your things around wherever you go. You believe in doing hard, physical work, and you're proud of it. Everyone notices your rugged attitude, but recognize that friendly demeanor underneath, so they aren't afraid to ask for your help. Being so versatile, you get to meet all kinds of interesting people and look forward to being of service. Plus, you've got that weathered sex appeal that perfectly matches your pickup and makes you all the more a true trucker.

THEME SONG
I Will Survive

The fiery confidence you normally keep under wraps blazes in your eyes every time your theme song turns on the table. People stand back and wait to be impressed by you—whether leading a project team, or firing up for a girls' night out. You mean business and people look to your leadership because you're so sure of yourself. So whether you're looking fine in the latest styles or throwing a bone to your 70's polyester double-knit blouse, this disco anthem always reminds you that you are true to yourself and are one of the lucky few who recognize that change starts first on the inside. Whether you're in your car, at a party, or on a date, you feel more resilient than John Travolta's acting career when your song comes throbbing through the speakers. Your friends dig you because you've learned to say what's on your mind. Life's too sweet to feel hurt and misunderstood. Yes indeed, with this as your theme song, you don't have to worry about surviving. You're well on your way to succeeding.

EMOTIONAL IQ TEST

Thanks for taking our new Emotional IQ test! Based on your answers, your score is 122.
Based on your impressive score across the board, we can tell that you not only tend to be really in tune with others, but you're also pretty darn good at keeping the right perspective on life. Sure, it's sometimes hard to juggle everything that goes into your relationships with friends and family, but most of the time you're a star when it comes to balancing your emotional needs with everyone else's.As you know, emotions are complicated things. Luckily, you also know that while it's important to be a good friend and lover to others, it's essential to see the bigger picture and take care of yourself, too. But we know it's hard to keep the scales balanced all the time. If you need help, just remember this: Offering someone a shoulder to cry on is great; worrying yourself into a tizzy every time someone you care about hits a rough patch isn't. For one thing, it's exhausting! If you wear yourself out fretting about other people, you won't have any time left for yourself. And we all have the right to treat ourselves right and be selfish with our feelings now and then. The road to emotional health and well-being can be bumpy, but if you make it a point to strive for balance and move at a relatively even pace, the bumps won't be so bad. From what we can tell, you've got a map to a pretty smooth route — so keep up the good work!


WHATS YOUR EATING STYLE.

You're The Buffet Table. When someone asks "What'll it be?" your answer is probably "What've you got?" Being so flexible, daring, and easy-going — or however you choose to describe it — can make mealtime a breeze. Since you're not a vegetarian, you're fine with eating a burger. But since you're not a true "meat and potatoes" type either, you can get by without a hunk of flesh at every meal.But being so easily satisfied does have its drawbacks. You may not take the time to make sure you're getting all the vitamins and minerals you need, so make it a goal to eat at least five servings of fruits and vegetables every day. And don't forget to think about how what you eat affects you. When you're in an energy slump, try some protein instead of "whatever." It could make a difference. With a little bit of attention, your good diet can easily be great.


WHOS YOUR TYPE?
Your type is the Bad Boy(<---figures huh?)


The Pink Lady needs her T-Bird. You're attracted to the Bad Boy. Thetough guy. The heart-breaker. So what if he's hard to tie down? You want aguy who's got an edge, someone who keeps you on your toes. In fact, it mightbe the challenge that keeps you around. His bad-ass attitude is like amagnet — if a guy's got a rebel reputation, he's got your attention! Yourman's gotta be confident and have lots of machismo. Plain and simple,sensitive guys just don't float your boat. You have no time for the sweet,romantic, or doting guys who pursue you and, frankly, bore you to tears.Maybe you're just not into the touchy-feely thing right now. Who cares?Whether you're seeking adventure or looking to tame the wild, there'ssomething about a bad boy that keeps you coming back.


there we go.

I guarantee well have tough times and i guarantee at some point well both wanna get out, but i also guarantee if i dont ask you to be mine ill regret it for the rest of my life.
You all laugh because im different, i laugh because youre all the same




Be EXTREME.
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7/11/2001 - ahem
4/11/2001 - im finally updating--whoopdie doo

17/10/2001 - did i?
14/10/2001 - a  humorous teenage emotional cycle
13/10/2001 - flooding back
11/10/2001 - everything is generally good
8/10/2001

  • a good day
  • creeping up behind me
  • declaration
    7/10/2001 - A busy weekend--with small perks.
    6/10/2001 - rain rain rain rain rain
    5/10/2001 - Alright well
    1/10/2001 - a good day and HOT GUYS!

    30/9/2001 - John from Tuscon Arizona anyone?
    29/9/2001

  • in regard to tamis comment
  • what a boring night its been
    27/9/2001 - thursdays are pretty blah
    25/9/2001
  • i just wanna scream
  • yes yes it is
    24/9/2001
  • bash her face in
  • also
  • bah her face in II
  • bad mallory bad
    23/9/2001
  • spending time together
  • oh my goodness
  • ...
    22/9/2001
  • dreams
  • tests
    21/9/2001 - trust
    20/9/2001
  • Lets toast the night away to friends and forget about tmrw
  • a survey to relieve my boredom with
    19/9/2001
  • recapping on the past couple of days
  • _______________
  • I  think
  • before i..
  • ______
    18/9/2001 - alone
    17/9/2001
  • confused and i shouldnt be worried about this crap
  • SHOVE IT
    14/9/2001
  • !!!!!!!!!
  • O TOWN
    13/9/2001
  • (sigh)
  • thursday---a long day
    11/9/2001
  • heartless people across the world
  • heart wrenching stories
    10/9/2001
  • dorky convos
  • i am updating
  • my feet are worn..im relaxing..and it feels so good!
    9/9/2001
  • savior of the johns?
  • studying chemistry and an unknown call
    8/9/2001
  • goodness
  • why canf i
    6/9/2001 - studying and other things
    3/9/2001
  • incredibly odd.
  • A love like no other
  • a slow downward spiral
    2/9/2001
  • this blows
  • my contract

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