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19 Sep 2001 - recapping on the past couple of days Hello hello.. John and i are officially over. but anyways.. today was pretty boring--first period latin had some lame quiz..it wasnt that hard, but i dont know how good i did either..then onto theatre..and now were done with theatre...in child development we watched this video about how kids beat each other up (siblings) and how parents spank their kids (which im totally against) and how raising a kid is hard and all that--it was a 20/20 report--a really old one--but it was good.. then fourth period HA i LOVE my fourth period class--its english..and well yea its english...but its still fun..i have julius next to me and mitchell behind me..theyre hilarious.. but there was this really cute guy..i mean really cute..and we started talking today--i dont kn ow his name HA! and he knew mine--no bf..just a really cute awesome random dude...A NEW FRIEND WHOSE NAME I DONT KNOW! :) yeahh!! That was pretty much my day--Adam actually wrote me TWO notes..which was cool...nobody else wrote me notes... but who cares? Heather sent me this letter the other night telling me how i was so grumpy and i needed to tell her what was wrong or otherwise stop being like that BLAH DE BLAH DE FRIGGIN BLAH. yea it was dumb--and i have nothing to comment about it in here..if youd like to know what i said back to her--then ask her.. ill show her friggin grumpy. im gonna go now--see who all is online Later. Mally 19 Sep 2001 - _______________ i think im out.. DT6--? yea right. it was fun..but like sar put it--i dont like having to hang out with everyone all at once..there are times when i just want to hang out with jess...or JUST laura..or JUST someone..not everyone... i dont like it. Mally 19 Sep 2001 - I think I think im going to close my diary soon.. i dont really see a point to it anymore.. i dont know when ill be closing it sometime soon probably. Mallory. 19 Sep 2001 - before i.. before i go sayin im gonna close this thing..i might as well get one REAL good entry out..somethin to let me explode on..cause i need to bust, and i can already tell that if i dont let out all my steam pretty soon..im gonna lash out on someone...and theyre not gonna like it... yea you may think --but you already did it to heather..no that wasnt me lashing out--if THATS what you think that is--then just wait till i get ALL my emotions bottled up one day--and watch me explode..its not pretty... Ive started to realize whats been up my ass lately--and there are several things..i was So excited to start school again--make some new 'friends'...new teachers..new classes..move up a year...one less year till i get out of this hellhole...but it just all went back to another shitty year...highschool has absolutely been the worst experience of my life so far--i just want to get out and never relive any of this again..sure it has its highpoints..hanging out...cool events with different clubs...the new people...but then it all comes back down to work, stress, fights, anger, hate, revenge, deceit, and all those stupid games we all tend to play...and now im at the point where i just dont want to talk to anyone anymore--even my dad notices that im on edge..and i dont like it...i dont like having this feeling inside of me--its like my stomach is twisting around in eighty different ways, like im about to puke--i have this big knot in my head, and a big lump in my throat--and my heart feels like its about to burst--anything can make me cry right now--seeing something on tv ANYTHING on tv will make me cry--writing this entry can make me cry--anything makes me cry..and i dont know why..its not like it upsets me..but i just cant seem to NOT do it..and i hate crying..i hate letting my walls down for people..i hate letting people see Mallory--i like to be mysterious--some girl that nobody knows..that nobody will ever understand--thats how i like it..i dont like telling my secrets, my feelings, i dont like letting out any of my emotions...maybe i need to get away from everyone--everyone puts me on edge now..like i cant handle them anymore..i cant handle all the melodramatic conversations..all that loud crazy stupid shit..it just bothers me..i mean its not like i dont like it..but i just cant handle it..im not my usual self..sure ill be happy every once in a while walking through the halls..but it takes alot to make me happy..and it takes very little to piss me off lately.. i dont want to lash out people, but i want to know whats wrong with me, SOMETHING is wrong with me, something deep down inside is wrong, i can feel it, ic an feel it in my heart, in the pit of my stommach, and i dont know what it is...maybe i should go to a psychiatrist like that lady told me..maybe i do need help maybe i do have problems. 19 Sep 2001 - ______ that didnt come out how i needed it to--i didnt explode.. i didnt get across what i wanted to..nothing works anymore.. fuck I guarantee well have tough times and i guarantee at some point well both wanna get out, but i also guarantee if i dont ask you to be mine ill regret it for the rest of my life. You all laugh because im different, i laugh because youre all the same Be EXTREME. Powered by CrickRock Webrings [<<| <|A Box of Animal Crackers|>|>>|?] src="http://test3.thespark.com/ba/bitch93.gif" border="0"> You can email the author at Beachbaby0409@aol.com Previous Month Next Month 7/11/2001 - ahem 4/11/2001 - im finally updating--whoopdie doo 17/10/2001 - did i? 14/10/2001 - a  humorous teenage emotional cycle 13/10/2001 - flooding back 11/10/2001 - everything is generally good 8/10/2001 a good day creeping up behind me declaration 7/10/2001 - A busy weekend--with small perks. 6/10/2001 - rain rain rain rain rain 5/10/2001 - Alright well 1/10/2001 - a good day and HOT GUYS! 30/9/2001 - John from Tuscon Arizona anyone? 29/9/2001 in regard to tamis comment what a boring night its been 27/9/2001 - thursdays are pretty blah 25/9/2001 i just wanna scream yes yes it is 24/9/2001 bash her face in also bah her face in II bad mallory bad 23/9/2001 spending time together oh my goodness ... 22/9/2001 dreams tests 21/9/2001 - trust 20/9/2001 Lets toast the night away to friends and forget about tmrw a survey to relieve my boredom with 19/9/2001 recapping on the past couple of days _______________ I  think before i.. ______ 18/9/2001 - alone 17/9/2001 confused and i shouldnt be worried about this crap SHOVE IT 14/9/2001 !!!!!!!!! O TOWN 13/9/2001 (sigh) thursday---a long day 11/9/2001 heartless people across the world heart wrenching stories 10/9/2001 dorky convos i am updating my feet are worn..im relaxing..and it feels so good! 9/9/2001 savior of the johns? studying chemistry and an unknown call 8/9/2001 goodness why canf i 6/9/2001 - studying and other things 3/9/2001 incredibly odd. A love like no other a slow downward spiral 2/9/2001 this blows my contract Add Reader Comment Previous Next Show Reader Comments (4)

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