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5 Oct 2006 - Fall scents and peace and quiet... Hubby has left for work. His second shift for the day. The poor guy. I feel bad that he is working so hard, and I miss his company. I cannot ask him to give me anymore than he is already giving. He's burning out and I can see it happening before my eyes. I've been trying my best at taking care of everything around here. From shopping to cooking, cleaning (relentlessly) and laundry. I want him to feel comfortable at home. I want him to know that I appreciate all that he does, and although I really do not want him to have to do housework on top of all that he is already giving, I'm lonely. Constantly lonely. I feel shut off from the world. I feel barricaded in my home. I don't have the car during the day as Hubby takes it to work, same in the evenings, so even if I wanted to join the land of the living and see anything besides my walls, I'm not able to do it easily. I could take the bus if I needed to do anything important, but because the kids come home from school for lunch and after school I really don't have enough time to do much by bus. I just feel lonely. And my relationships with others have changed drastically. Most of it didn't bother me while I was working, while I was surrounded by people, but lately, it bothers me. I'll take responsibility for my share, but not everything. Things have changed. For the worse unfortunately. I had the conversation this evening about unspoken words. There are things that I need to say, to get off my chest, to stop beating myself up for not speaking. However, the dynamic of everything would be forever changed if I actually said what I wanted. I'm not ready for that yet. But I may just blurt it out soon. I may not be able to hold it in forever. I've lit some fall scented candles and my tidy house smells inviting and delicious. The kids are tucked snugly in their beds. The kittens are playing with their tails on the floor. All is quiet and safe. It feels like love in here. I love that it feels like love. Goodnight all. 5 Oct 2006 - A good day for a birthday.... Today is my Dad's birthday. My Mom is cooking a birthday supper for him, so we will be going to visit this evening. I have to go out when Hubby gets home from work so I can get a present. My father is absolutely the hardest person to buy for, he wants for nothing, and it makes buying impossible. We are usually safe with books, he loves to read. But finding the right book can be somewhat of a challenge, to say the least. Since today is such a great day for a birthday, I've told Baby that if he wants to come today, even though he still has 30 days left to go, I won't protest. Right now, right here, I am officially tired of being pregnant and huge and uncomfortable. And I'm sure he must be big and healthy enough. And this, my friends, is the reason we cannot control the birthday of our unborn babies. It is pouring rain outside. I mean pouring! The kids are both whining about having to walk in this weather, I don't blame them one bit. Instead I told them that they weren't made of sugar, and no, they wouldn't melt. I do feel badly though. I remember what it's like to sit at your desk all day damp and uncomfy. But we've all been there. It must be a rite of passage or something. I overslept this morning. First time in a long time that I've done that. When I woke up my son had already fed and washed and dressed himself. He likes to be ready early so that he can play video games. I don't mind, as long as he hasn't neglected anything. Daughter, on the other hand, well let's just say that mornings with her are a little more trying than that. And this morning my patience with her is running thin. She wakes up cranky like a bear, it usually takes a good 15 minutes before she's even fit to look at. And she doddles. The slowest kid I've ever met. And lazy. Probably horrible things to say about your own child, but it's the truth. I swear that she uses more energy most days making it look like she's done something, than it would actually take to do the things that are required of her. Like brushing her teeth. Oh, she makes me crazy sometimes. Good thing she's cute. That's her saving grace most days. I must be off now to pack recesses and find rain gear. Be a great day all. Click here and stick a pin in it. Previous Month Next Month Mar 2010 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Feb 2010 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat   1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 Jan 2010 Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri  Sat           1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 Add Reader Comment Previous Return to Index Next Show Reader Comments (0)

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