Today I took a quick road trip to my parent's cottage to drop off Big Son and see my Dad for a short visit. It was Father's Day and I had a card and small gift to bring him.It was bad timing for both of us, as I had to get home to make sure Daughter got to a guitar rehearsal this evening, and my father was busy installing new siding with his cousin.
We didn't get much time to speak, pretty much just a quick 'hello' and another quick 'see you in a couple of weeks'.
I appreciate my father. Sure, I see his quirks, and call him 'nerdy' to his face, but I wholeheartedly appreciate our relationship as father-daughter.
Growing up I can't say that I had a close relationship with him. In all honestly, he mostly felt like an outsider. He worked away and was gone most of the time, I used to see him on weekends, but I remember a lot of my childhood and unfortunately most memories don't include him.
I guess he didn't really no how to relate to kids. And, to some extent, it is still obvious. I have very few recollections of us spending any alone time together....
I do have some fond memories of us in a canoe and him paddling until I was long asleep. I'd hear whispers as he carried me up the bank and tuck me into bed in the trailer we used to camp in.
A lot of the snippets I have of him from my childhood, him and I were outside. I can remember him pointing out what things were edible, like fiddleheads and tea berries, I can picture him pointing out fresh deer tracks, and picking blueberries along side me.
I remember hiking through the woods looking for blackberries and fly fishing with him and his Dad for salmon in a bubbling stream.
I think that because he wasn't overly comfortable dealing with kids that he always treated me as if I was an equal, which didn't leave any room for excuses on my part. My father pushed me academically, and it made me strive to be more than good, I always knew that I could be the best.
When I fell in love with horses he supported me and let me come to him when I had issues with my coach, my peers, those green ponies that were impossible to break. He didn't feel the way that I did about horses, in fact, he was allergic, but it didn't stop him from driving me to the barn every single day, and coming back to pick me up, he still stood in the scorching sun for hours on the weekends to watch me compete and financially....I have no idea how they afforded it for me. But I never heard my Dad complain about my passion, ever.
When I suffered my first broken heart and I stood crying in the kitchen in my pajamas on a Sunday morning he asked me, cool as a cucumber, "Do you want me to bust his kneecaps?"
When I found myself pregnant and in high school, he never once cast judgement on me. I'm sure it killed him inside to know of the struggles I would face as a single teenage mother, things that I couldn't even begin to understand in my innocence, but he promised to love me and support me and be my soft place to land. And he was.....
When I got married, and it was time to walk me down the aisle, he held my arm, with tears in his eyes and whispered "You know...we could always run for the door if you want. You just give me the word and we're out of here." Don't get me wrong, he adores my husband, and most days I'm sure he'd trade him for me...but he was just letting me know that he was looking out for me.
As an adult, I've reached a place with my father that he treats me like a peer. Him and I have conversations that we wouldn't dare have with anyone else. He 'gets' me. In all my struggles and quest for inner peace and purpose, he completely 'gets' me. I call him once a week, and we spend a minimum of an hour on the phone discussing everything and anything.
He is my rock. The first guy that ever had my heart.
I don't know what I would do without him.
Today as I celebrated Father's Day, I thought of my loved ones who no longer have those minutes to pick up the phone or drive over for a visit, because their Dads are gone.
My heart broke for a very good friend today when I learned that his father passed away suddenly, unexpectedly this morning. On Father's Day, of all days. He's been in my thoughts and prayers all day.
"Those we love are with the Lord, and the Lord has promised to be with us. If they are with Him, and He is with us, they cannot be very far away."
![[Powered By MySQL]](/images/mysql-04.gif)
Copyright Notice: All entries are copyright (and the responsibility of) their respective authors.
