Big fat Butterball...turkey, that is.Mmmmm. It was delicious. I'm still stuffed, and I starved myself all day so that I could enjoy it. And warm strawberry rhubarb pie right out of the oven for dessert.....food is my sex substitute.
All the work and clean-up that comes with cooking a big dinner is a small price to pay.
It was a strange day. My two boys were gone to my parent's cottage and Daughter was busy with my MIL, so I basically just puttered around and waited patiently for my sister to arrive home with my kiddos so the house wouldn't feel so barren anymore.
I could never live alone. It would be the death of me.
I used to think of other people's child-free lives and be temporarily jealous by their freedom and ability to come and go without dragging unwilling little bodies with them.....but I've decided that my life is filled with so much more.
God. I was meant to be a Mom, even on those days when I feel torn and dishevelled and at the end of my rope, seriously, I wouldn't trade even THAT for the alternative...not in a million years.
My oldest will be 13 later this year, and my world has been centered around my kids since then. What is going to happen when they aren't dependant on me anymore? What am I going to do with my time and energy?
Last night I was invited out for coffee by a girl I went to High School with who was visiting her husband's family here on the island, in a neighboring town actually. At first I thought, "Gee it might be fun to catch up, and perfect timing since I don't have to organize childcare...."
But really....as the afternoon wore on, I decided that I really didn't have a sweet clue what we'd talk about. It's been 17 years since I've seen her, and we only hung out occasionally anyway. What could we possibly have to say that Facebook hasn't already acquainted us to?
So I bailed.
And I went to bingo....and knew at least 15 people in there that I made small talk with. I sat at a table of familiar faces and talked casually....about nothing....
And it dawned on me.....I have made no friends at all since I moved here 2 years ago. Not one. I can't leave home without running into people that I have to stop and chat with, but no friends. No sharing secrets, no girl talk, nothing. And really, the thought of finding someone who I am comfortable with, someone who I could mesh with....well...I haven't found any yet.
Wow.
I am missing my Ya Yas terribly. The way that they just 'get' me, the laughter, the game nights.....
But I made this choice to move here. I know in my heart that the kids are in a much better place to grow up. But that doesn't mean it doesn't get lonely. I miss my husband and my friends daily.
In other news....Big Son had another hamster die. He was old and we knew it was going to happen, but he still shed a few tears regardless. It's always tough to see your kids hurting. He didn't want to talk, he just wanted to lay in bed and cry alone, he's a lot like me sometimes.
I curled up in the living room this afternoon and watched Twilight with Daughter. I had read the book months ago, and I did enjoy the movie. It wasn't disappointing like I usually find movies after I've read the books.
Hubby is taking my advice and *reading* The Shack, on an audio book on his iPod, I can't wait to talk with him about it once he's done. I'm still reading 4 books, and almost done all of them. I guess it's about time I get a library card...I've spent a college education's worth of cash on books....without the degree....but who knows...maybe it will be worth it's weight in gold someday.
I cannot part with books once I've read them. Lend them? Yes, get rid of them? I can't do it. I read them, they provoke thoughts and become like a little piece of me. I have a great relationship with books. I love when you are the first one to read a book and the pages smell like ink and they are crisp. I also love when you are the 50th person to read a book and the pages are worn, with coffee spills, and if I'm lucky, little pencil marks in the margins from readers past....
On that note, I'm going to head to bed and pick up the first book that my hand rests on....happy dreams all.
***Last month's recommended book: The Ten Year Nap by Meg Wolitzer****
Thanks for checking in.
![[Powered By MySQL]](/images/mysql-04.gif)
Copyright Notice: All entries are copyright (and the responsibility of) their respective authors.
