I feel terrible that you are a million miles away from the ones who love you. It's a shitty way to spend a birthday...but you have a habit of celebrating that way, don't you?
I almost baked a chocolate birthday cake to eat on your behalf today, but somehow the hours slipped away and I didn't manage to accomplish half of the things I intended on taking care of today.
Remember the year I baked a cake for your birthday, but the day was hectic and it was late before I got it in the oven. Remember how I didn't have time to let it completely cool before I put the icing on? Remember how the icing all melted off? And remember how I couldn't find any birthday candles and I had to improvise with that long taper candle instead?
You were such a good sport.....
I have the best memories with you. Some days, when I get a minute I sit and reflect at all that we've been through together. We have spent every memorable moment together, good times. The kind of times that we'll reminisce about when we're old and grey and rocking beside one another on our front porch swing...
Like, remember the night Charlie was born, and at the instant you realized that it was actually happening, that moment when her birth was imminent, you took off to the hallway where you wore the finish off the floor pacing back and forth waiting for Dr. Dykeman? You were so cute...but not as cute as when you were there, holding my leg as I pushed and made jokes until she was finally in the world and you cried longer and harder than she did.
What about that night, after driving home in that terrible snowstorm, the night that I first told you that I was late and suspected that I was pregnant with her in the first place. We drove to the drugstore to buy a test that turned out to be positive, and then you turned around to head to the drugstore for two more tests "just to be sure". Talk about a stressful day, huh?
Remember how you chose me, that night on bended knee at the gazebo? You thought in your naive 19 year old mind that I was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. And I, in MY naive 19 years thought it was absolutely the best idea you ever had.
Remember that day that we were getting married, and I was trying to keep away from you, for good luck, and there you were driving up the road with Ryan while I was waiting in line for a car wash and you beeped your horn, and I ducked down so you wouldn't see me?
What about during your speech at the reception when you were too shy to talk so you picked Jayce up to do all the talking for you....
How about that night when we smelled the junebug burning on the halogen bulb and it almost sent us into a paranoid frenzy? I laugh out loud just thinking about that night...
Remember when I was taking my nail course and you would sit with me every single night and help me study? You were a trooper, and you earned a name on my Highest Distinction, just as much as I did. Remember how I used to beg you to let me practice on you? And what about the night you gave in and let me give you a pedicure and then we ran out of time and you had to leave for work with black polished toes...you told me that if you died that night you'd haunt me for life.
Remember how Charlie used to be the biggest source of stress in our lives, how she'd be a daredevil at the playground, lock herself in the car and lay on the horn before the sun came up, turn the stove on and burn herself and your kit bag, devour the entire contents of a bottle of parmesan cheese before breakfast, and the way she used to poopy paint?....God...I don't know how on earth we survived those years.....
Remember how we never had any money, but we had more laughs than anyone else in the world? It sure seemed that way...and thank goodness for that.
I love how you've always supported me through all that I chose to do, you should be old and cranky by now, but somehow you've mellowed out instead. I'm not sure how you've kept your cool through all of my big plans and dreams, but every ounce of my being thanks you for continually dreaming along side of me...
Remember how exciting it was the day we drove to the lawyers office to pick up our set of keys for our very own home? God...that was a blessed day. I was so proud of you, working like a dog to deliver on you dream and promise of somehow affording a home for us to call our own. It felt like love that day, and still does everyday, no matter how much you believe we need a bigger place.
Remember all of our little secrets and private memories...the ones that only we know about....the way back from the barn dance in Noel, the tourist bureau in Pictou, the bagel...ha ha ha...had to throw THAT one in there somewhere!
You feel like the other half of me. My favorites places, my favorite times, my best memories, they are all half of yours too.
Do you think that all other couples feel like two perfectly fitted puzzles pieces, like we do? Do you think they truly feel like soul mates, best friends and meant only for one another?
There could be no other person in the world that would compliment me like you can, who could be such a perfect fit, and so completely genuine....
I am so glad, for whatever reason, that we ended up together in Mrs. Cochrane's grade three class...that was the beginning....and all of our crazy antics throughout high school....our lunches at Subway, our cigarettes shared at school, my stolen hugs before class (hey what WAS that thing that used to poke me in the belly anyway?)...
Our life together has transformed into something pure and real and healthy and so much more than I could have ever hoped for.
Thank you for being the guy that can sit for 18 hours in an emergency room waiting chair before I had my gallbladder out, for being a father to my babies, for asking me to marry you and sticking with that promise, and for believing in me, and in us, when I didn't have the strength....
You are a wonderful man. I am privileged to call myself your wife.
I listen to Brad Paisley's new song and I think of you....I wonder how, feeling the way that I do now, that I could have possibly thought that I loved you "Then", because what I feel for you today is infinitely more intense than what I could have dreamed my heart capable of holding....
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