Current time in my woods
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“We need 4 hugs a day for survival. We need 8 hugs a day for maintenance. We need 12 hugs a day for growth.” [V.Satir]
And my personal addition to the words above: hugs should be given at free will by the giver. It doesn’t work if we begged those hugs out.
Life alters us. Well, perhaps, it is not we who change, but our eyes gets sharpened to the little things we never noticed before…the experiences we go through in life change our views and our values…I’ve been thinking about the word ACT. Act becomes important to me. Act shifted to the first place in my priorities list. If I want something, I act on it. If I feel something, I act on this feeling. There is no point to dwell on anything within yourself. There is no point to complain about something if you never attempted to change it. There is little sense to love someone deeply if you never let them experience your love, never make them happy. What you feel inside of you is all good and noble and says a lot about you. But what good it is for anyone else…you can say to yourself a million times how deeply you love, how passionate you desire, how badly you want…and like with any other single idea, if you keep turning her around within your mind, over and over again, it intensifies, becomes harder, stronger, brighter, yes…but it never get out into the freedom of being real. Until you act on it. Act is the only way to show your feelings. I became so fond of the word act.
I thought of the act in friendship. Last year’s made me bit skeptical about friendship in general. Perhaps, I can also say – somewhat disappointed in a way. Doesn’t mean – I’m disappointed with someone in particular. Just with the whole idea of friends being always there for you as a generalization. Yes, I didn’t ask for help, granted. Maybe, because when few times I did, I didn’t get it. And I’m not the person to ask twice. Everyone has their own reason and I’m sure their reasons were important. So I am not exactly a believer in genuine friendship. Niether do I particularly miss it. But every now and then it happens that someone reaches out, saying hi for no reasons other then they thought of you. It might not be a friendship, yet Isn’t it a wonder?! It is a simple tiny act of kindness, of care but it does much more then a lucky guess that maybe someone somewhere out there loves you passionately or in any other way, but keeps this love to themselves…
I have friends I met at on line forums when I was doing my MCSE study in 2000. We are not that close, we’ve got our differences, we even never met in real life. Yet every now and then I would get e-mail saying “thought of you and wanted to reach out…”yes, it is not the person I can ask for physical help, perhaps. Neither is the one I would share certain aspects of me. Yet the simple line in my mailbox strokes me kindly and makes me feel worthy of somebody’s thought. And that means a lot for me lately. Worthiness is the issue I’ve been left with in my divorce. So whenever my self-worthiness receptors are touched, it changes me profoundly. to feel good I do not need somebody to say to me how much they love me. To feel good it is enough to know somebody thought you're worthy an effort. It is not as much as someone just had random warm feelings about me, but they choose to act on it, to make me aware…this brings positive changes in my day and I smile and I feel blessed even when I don’t feel close.
As I’ve eventually learned to deal on my own with my emotions and mind’s challenges, I’ve also learned to let people to deal with their feelings in their own way. This has changed what I expect from others. And also made it easy for me to deal with un-acting. There is a popular theory everyone is crazy about – about the walls we built around us to protect, about the doors we leave closed, opened or ajar…Let me tell you something revolutionary about doors…there are no doors…opened or ajar…we all stand on the sands of time…and we tend to draw feeble lines in the sands between us and the others….and some would leap from side to side and others choose to just watch them playing hopscotch…but hey, it is ever so easy to just erase these lines, wipe them off with your feet…we are all on the same beach…we can swim in the same ocean…and we can sit and watch the same sunset, each – in the shade of his own umbrella…there are no walls and no doors…it is an open space and we share it…truly it is only a matter of choice for each individual whether they will choose to sit and watch the waves in solitude or to join the fun playing with others…and nobody is dragging no one into the game…If you want to play, get up and act. As simple as that…
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