Forget about making a story out of this. There isn't enough story in this to fill out a plot, even if the characters or subject matter were interesting.No. I may delude myself into believing than I'm an uncommon person on occasion, but mine is a very common problem. Too common. So common that were there any way to deny feeling as I do, I would. Because it is silly, and everything rational tells me to put this from me, and to let it go.
I am not the most attractive. I've come to terms with that over the years. Nor am I the wisest, although I still find myself coming to terms with *that*. So many things I am not, and yet I still maintain my ego, instead of asking the obviou8s which is why should such as he ever have loved me except perhaps for a brief delusion that I was special to him, that who I was made me something special.
I would be able to stop anting him, be able to resign myself that he is not mine, and that many women desire him -- and that he finds them attractive. I should be able to accept this. I try to. It's the right thing to do. I can't give himself, even if I wanted to -- I'm bound otherwise, and so I must let him go with all the grace I can find within me. Must.
The screaming I feel tonight under my calm exterior is something that must fade. Will fade with time. Would fade sooner if I were willing to do the obvious thing and distract myself. Let go of wanting him, fooling myself into believing that I need him, and thus start the painful process of healing throm this wound.
What have I do?
Was it so much more painful without him that I had to be foolish and attach him to me, only to see him walk away?
When will I learn wisdom? When will I ever have any of the qualities that he thinks he loves in me?
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