Pairing: Lance and Joey
Words: lunatic; aquarium; robin; tabloid
The distinguished older man posed heroically in the middle of the room, chest thrust out, and said in a commanding voice, "Robin! Quick, to the Batcave! There's a lunatic loose in the aquarium, threatening to kill off all of blue bottle-nosed dolphins. They're an endangered species and it's imperative that we save them before they become extinct!"
He waited for the proper reaction from his devoted sidekick and partner in justice.
Lance looked up over the business report he was reading and raised his eyebrows. "Don't you think the police can handle it, Joey?"
"Police? The police cannot handle this situation. It's a job for Sup-- er, a job for Batman! And Robin, if he gets up off his lazy ass."
"No." Lance stacked his papers and set them next to his laptop. This was the problem with spending too much time cooped up in hotel rooms -- it made people with nothing to do go stir crazy. "Go find Chris. He'll play with you if you're bored."
Joey sat down huffily on the bed. "Chris won't play Batman and Robin anymore. Says he's allergic to everything related to Eminem, and ever since the video for 'Without Me' came out, that includes Batman."
"So play Superman."
Joey raised his eyebrows. "You want to be Lois Lane? 'Cause you said after last time..."
"No. I'm never putting on a wig and panty hose again; I don't care what the reason is." Joey deflated, and Lance felt bad. "JC might..."
"Asleep."
Lance gave him a long look. "You tried JC first?"
"He likes pretending he's working for a supermarket tabloid and making up cool headlines about my... um, about Superman's exploits."
"Mm-hmm."
Joey nodded, enthusiastic. "Yeah, he says it's like writing lyrics, and it's cute the way he gets all excited about it and uses his lyric notebook like a reporter pad and tucks the pencil behind his ear and you can just stop smirking at me like that."
"Excuse me?" Lance asked, still smirking. "What smirk? I don't know what you're talking about. So, you think JC's cute? Since when did this happen?"
"Shut up."
"No way. My best friend, the straightest man in the universe, the guy who told me that Justin was not in the least bit sexy, the man who turned me down when I was young, impressionable and wanting to try out my gayness--"
"I said I was sorry about that, by the way."
"--that man has a crush on JC."
"I do not!"
"Yes, you do." Lance dropped the smirk. "Hey, no, really, Joe, that's great. I mean, in a welcome to the gay world sort of way. You're not as straight as you thought you were, and now you can explore your sexuality in a non-confrontative environment. Plus, unlike the way you reacted to me, JC will have sex with you."
"I said I was sorry about-- what do you mean JC will have sex with me?"
Lance shrugged, gave a small grin and turned back to his laptop. "Just what it sounds like. JC's bi, good in bed, and thinks you're hot for some unfathomable reason."
"Unfathomable? What's wrong with thinking I'm hot? You used to think I was hot."
"I also used to dye my hair completely blonde and date girls."
"Um, Lance? You still date girls."
"Not on purpose." Lance rolled his eyes. "Look, Joey, go to his room, crawl in bed with him and wake him up. Trust me, he won't mind."
Joey was already up off the bed. "I don't want to know how you know that."
"Probably not, Clark. Get going, Lois is waiting for you." Lance watched Joey leave, then smiled, shook his head and got back to work. He had a lot of work to get through still.
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