Pairing: JC and Nick
Words: mushroom; mist; leverage; plaything
It's been too long since the beginning, and Nick doesn't even really remember what life was like before, outside the world of fame and celebrity. Not for him personally. He was always wanting, always trying to be the face on the TV, on the stage that everyone turned to, listened to, and so he doesn't know when it began, or if it was always this way.
But he sees it happening to Aaron.
Their mother, the label, their handlers, everyone, tells Aaron that he has to find out who he is, show peole who he is as an artist. Develop his own image, separate from his brother's. And it's true. Nick wants Aaron to succeed, and for more than just being related to him. He thinks Aaron is good enough, talented enough to do it. The Carter name will just be leverage for his career.
But what they mean when they tell him this, is find out what the people looking at you think you are and become it, so you can sell it to them.
Nick knows because he knew Aaron all along, knew the driven, ambitious, even calculating person inside the blonde teen icon-to-be, and is well-aware that the innocent young thing being marketed for the viewing public is a construct. Aaron likes Eminem and The Bloodhound Gang, and knows perfectly well who he is. But he sings bubblegum, because that's what people want to see him as.
It makes Nick a little sad, both for Aaron and for himself, because at least Aaron realizes he's a plaything for the fantasies of millions. Nick, on the other hand, really was that innocent. Once. He wonders when he sold himself, and what he was then, and who he is now. Because Nick has become his packaging, and he doesn't know any other way to be.
He takes their hiatus as an opportunity to go out on his boat. Solitude is his best hope for figuring out who he is.
Nick likes the wind, the water, the challenge of navigation, the solitude, and even the sometimes boredom that accompanies sailing. It's decidedly different than touring, than fame, but liking a change of pace does not a personality make, and he goes back to land still dissatisfied.
The yachting community is relatively small and close-knit, and Nick is used to going unnoticed, or at least deliberately ignored by those also tending to their vessels. When his name is called out, it's an unwelcome reminder of a reality where everyone knows him and anonymity is something to be treasured.
"Nick!"
He stiffens, and sneaks a glance, hoping lack of acknowledgement will cause the person to think they misidentified him. But the man in the floppy hat keeps coming toward him, a bright smile on his face, and as he gets closer, Nick recognizes him.
"JC?"
"Yes! Were you out on your boat? Did you have a good time? I'm about to go out. Was about to go out, but the mist. This morning." JC gestures at the water, which was free of any such obstruction. "Too beautiful. So. How are you?"
"I was... I'm fine. Just thinking about some things. You know."
JC nods sagely, like he does "The ocean's good for that. All that space and elemental truth staring back at you. Like the stars. I hope Lance notices that when he goes to space -- hey, did you know that he got the okay for space? He's really going."
He hasn't. "That's great. I'm happy for him."
"It's always been a dream of his and now he's going. It's good to go after your dreams. Most of them. Except maybe not the ones about mushrooms."
"Mushrooms?" Nick is confused.
"Caterpillars. Alice in Wonderland. Chris." JC cocks his head. "Some dreams are just you sleeping, and some mean things, but not all the ones that mean things mean anything you want to go after or do. Like Alice in Wonderland. They're expressions of your neuroses and what you're concerned about, rather than expressions of the grander nature inside you. Except maybe even the grander dreams are really just neuroses. I mean, Lance wanting to go to space could be about traumatic early childhood separation anxiety. I don't know."
"I don't know either. I'm not sure what my dreams are."
"Do you have trouble remembering them? I've heard writing them down when you wake up can help with that. I remember most of mine."
"No -- not those kind of dreams. Like goals. I'm not sure what mine are. Like, we've done everything there is to do. What else is left? Go to Disneyland? Uh-uh."
"I think it's important to have dreams," JC says. "Do you want to come back to my boat? I have drinks. And food. If you wanted to talk. Because it's nice talking to you. You know." He grins at Nick, a little sheepishly.
Nick grins back, because he does. "It's good talking to someone who doesn't think you're stupid. Or weird. And isn't screaming your name and hyperventilating."
JC is leading him down the pier, but stops to look at him, eyes crinkling. "I could, if you want. Scream your name. If it'd make you feel more normal."
"Nah. Normal's over-rated anyway. I want to find out what I am when I'm not normal." And that's a bad way of explaining it, but Nick is confident that JC will understand, or if he doesn't, will be patient until Nick can explain himself better.
Because JC has been sold too, and appears to know what he was sold for.
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