Pairing: Lance and Howie
Words: clairvoyant; boulevard; abroad; misquote
The thing he had going with Howie was neither simple nor convenient. It was difficult for Lance to arrange time to see him -- for one, Lance was spending nearly the entire year abroad, and now that the Russians had definitely given the go-ahead, he would be even busier than before. And it went without saying that no one approved of his choice of romantic partners. Management -- and his mother -- would prefer it if he were staunchly heterosexual and about to settle down with a nice woman. Joey and Justin were of the opinion that, while being gay was one thing, fucking a Backstreet Boy was quite another. And Chris thought Howie was boring.
Lance took it back. JC didn't seem to care one way or another, but then, Lance wasn't entirely sure JC was aware Lance was dating at all. JC's exact comment when told about Lance's relationship with Howie had been, "Wow. Backstreet. They're. A group." JC ranged from complete obliviousness to moments of sheer clairvoyance, where he could tell you not only what you'd been doing for the past week, but what would happen to you in the week to come and why. Sometimes Lance thought JC shut himself off from the world because he saw too much of it. Lance occasionally wished he could do the same thing, but he was too much a part of it.
Given the difficulty it took to hang onto his relationship with Howie, Lance was not going to let go of it easily. Not even because of this.
"I'm sorry," Lance said calmly. "I must not have heard you correctly."
He thought Howie might look at the floor, but the shyness that was a part of his public persona was not at evidence here. "Our relationship is bad for group harmony."
"You're breaking up with me?"
"No, no," and the hurt look in Howie's eyes went a long way to soothing Lance's ruffled feelings. Maybe he couldn't always let go enough to put much of his real self into a relationship, but that didn't mean that it didn't matter to him. "I'm not talking about breaking up. I'm talking about changing our relationship."
"Changing it in what way?" This could not be good. Lance pulled further inside himself, waiting to hear that Howie thought they should see other people, that his management was pressuring him to date, whatever bombshell Howie was about to drop. Because it wasn't going to be good, Lance knew that. Nothing good ever got announced like this.
"You see, you and me -- it's a you and me thing. And that's hurting the band."
"The band?"
Howie nodded. "We talked about it. It's hurting Backstreet."
Miserable fucking pricks, Lance thought. Maybe Joey and Justin didn't like the Boys, but they'd never presume to tell Lance to break it off with Howie. Probably because they knew Lance was in control of their schedules and could make their lives hell. But nonetheless.
"So it was decided that we need to make this a Backstreet thing." Now Howie was looking at the floor, giving every evidence of being nervous.
"I don't understand."
"They, um, want me to share you."
Lance got the picture. He didn't like it, not one bit. "Share me? I don't think--"
"I don't think that was the right way to put it," Kevin said, from behind Lance.
Lance backed away from him, keeping his distance. "Excuse me. I think this was a private conversation."
It didn't make him feel any better to see that Howie looked relieved to see Kevin.
"No," Kevin said, "we're being misquoted."
The connecting door was swung all the way open, and the rest of Backstreet tumbled in. "Yeah, way to make him feel like a hooker you picked up off of Sunset Boulevard," AJ said.
"I wouldn't," Howie said. "I didn't mean to..."
AJ snorted and waved a hand at Lance, who had his back against the wall and was measuring the distance to the door of the hotel suite with his eyes. "Look at him. He's freaking out. You didn't do it right."
Howie flung up his hands. "Is there a right way to say something like this?"
"How about, 'Yo, Lance, I know four incredibly hot guys who also want to jump your bones'?"
Nick snickered, "Yeah, that's subtle."
"Shut up. Like you could do better."
"I could so."
Lance took the opportunity to edge toward the door.
Brian stopped him. "Look, you don't have to do anything," he said softly. "You can tell us to 'go to hell' and then leave if you want. But despite the awkwardness of the siuation, I think I speak for us all when I say I'd like you to stay."
AJ was pounding Nick over the head with a pillow, and Howie could barely look at him, but Kevin nodded. "We would."
He shook his head. "I'm flattered, but this isn't--"
Brian riased his hand, finger hovering over Lance's lips, shutting him up. "Think about it, okay? It's going to be a while before your schedule crosses with any of ours again, according to Howie. Give us an answer then."
He nodded and escaped through the door. While he heard it shut firmly behind him, he still didn't look back until he was in the elevator. When the elevator doors were closed, he leaned his head against the back wall, and banged it against it. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."
The thing with Howie was simple. Wasn't convenient. This new thing was even less simple. Made no sense. He wasn't something to be passed around. Wasn't what the offer had made him feel like, cheap, dirty and easy. Much. He didn't want to be any of those things, at any rate.
The numbers ticked downward.
He could almost understand it if the cast of characters were different. If it were Chris and Justin, perhaps. Not Joey, because Joey was militantly straight, and not JC, because JC wouldn't get involved, but the other two. He could understand Chris and Justin wanting a relationship involving the group to be all of them instead of just one of them. Chris hated to be left out of things, and Justin couldn't stand not being the center of attention. Qualities that were annoying, true, but he was used to them. Used to accommodating them, and if they'd come up with something like this, Lance would have made way for them, because that was what they did, and yes, it would have been weird, but it wouldn't have been about making Lance feel like a disposable sex toy. It would have been about group harmony. It would have been about NSYNC. Except that wouldn't happen, wouldn't ever happen, because he was gay and they weren't, even if JC seemed to be campaigning for the Rainbow Coalition most days, and now Lance was alone again, and faced with a Russian 'vacation' that was very likely going to make him nostalgic for those first few years of NSYNC and eighteen hour days spent learning how to dance.
The elevator came to a stop, and the door opened. Lance got out, pressed the 'up' button and waited for the next one.
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