Pairing: Chris and Nick
Words: leo; animate; hush; fiord
"Halt, stranger! Identify yourself or be blasted from existence as an unregistered space alien!"
"Chris, get out of the way."
"Your name is Chris, too? Hey! You can be Chris Two. I've always wanted an evil twin."
Nick growled at him. "I'm tired and hungry, and if you don't let me in there right now, I'm going to pound your little head so far into your body that they'll be using an anal probe to find it."
Chris moved out of the doorway of the green room. "Are you trying to insinuate that we're the space aliens?"
"I don't know, and I don't care." Nick headed for the catering table and started making a sandwich.
Chris followed him. "You could be right. I think Lance is actually making a visit to the mothership with the space thing. And the lyrics to 'Space Cowboy'? 'Why-yi-yi-yippie-yi-yay-yippie-yi-yo-yippie-yi-yay' is actually a secret message to our alien controllers. 'Earth is mostly harmless. Occupied by Backstreet Boys fans. Take over now. Please.'"
Nick shoved the sandwich into his mouth and looked around the empty room. Bit, chewed, swallowed. Repeated the process several times while Chris bounced a little and stared at him. "Just so you know, I am never showing up on time for anything ever again if it means having to deal with you."
"Aww, Nicky, don't you love me?"
Nick stared at him, shook his head, and went for the caffeine. Found it, and popped open the can. Ah, sweet nectar of the gods.
The hush of silence was disturbing after so much vitality and bounce from the animated Chris that Nick turned to look for him in self-defense. He understood the mentality; he just wasn't in the mood for it right now.
Chris had a stalk of celery and was industriously shaking out the contents of a Pixy Stick onto it.
"You're not going to eat that, are you?" Nick felt his stomach revolting, and set down the rest of his sandwich.
"Sure!" Chris smiled at him, eyes twinkling, and took a bite. "It's my new diet. Celery is good for you, and is low calorie, and pure sugar is just as low calorie. Not as good for you, but who in their right mind would eat raw celery?"
Nick watched in horrified fascination as the sugared celery disappeared into Chris' mouth. "Seems like an effective diet to me. I know I have no desire to ever eat again."
"That's what Lance, Joey and Justin said too."
"What did JC say?" Nick asked out of morbid curiosity.
Chris shrugged. "He mumbled something like 'oh lord, the fiords' and fondled his Leo pendant."
"He did not."
"Did so!" Chris finished the celery stick, then licked granules of the fine sugar off his fingers. His lips were turning purple. "JC is our designated alien ambassador. Performs all anal probing. Service with a smile. Chin stripes are extra."
"Chin stripes?"
"Don't ask, don't tell."
Light dawned on Nick. Chris was talking about his bandmate's beard issues. The hair kind. "I always kinda thought he was imitating AJ's whatever-it-is."
Chris nodded solemnly. "We attempted to seduce the badboy of Backstreet into the NSYNC way of life, but he escaped. It's now my duty to bring you over to the Light Side. Will you come willingly, or do I have to drag you? Please, oh dear God, please, choose dragging. I've always wanted to hit someone over the head and pull them back to my lair by their long, flowing locks. Er, maybe Howie would be better suited for that part of the mission plan."
"Who gets Kevin?"
"Holy change of subject, Batboy. What makes you think we want the big freaky eyebrow man? All right, yes, he certainly looks like a prospective member of our alien race, but still we do have some standards."
"Dunno about that. You let Fatone in."
"He's our honorary human ally. We needed someone to handle our alien-Earthling interactions."
"And what role would I fulfill?"
"Sex slave." Chris clapped his hands together and twisted them, giggling maniacally. "How's about it, Nicky-boy?"
"Sure. I always wanted to sleep with Lance."
"Lance?" Chris tilted his head. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Probably not."
"Threesome!"
Kevin didn't believe him when Nick explained later that there was a perfectly good explanation for why he'd leaped on the other man like a starving wildebeest. But then, Kevin still thought Howie read Playgirl for the articles.
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