Once again, I’m coming in here apologizing. I know I only updated twice last month, sorry about that, but it’s been really hectic. The BoyToy has moved in with me. It’s going really well, too. The sex is awesome (when it happens) and I have no complaints. He’s magnificent. There is a bit of a problem with us both being healthy enough to really cut loose, but I’m hoping for any day now. It seems that my pills are doing their job, finally.
Now I can set my sights on answering a question I got from a “Special Reader.” Sorry it took me so long, but I wanted to be able to give it my full attention. A Special Reader asks:
“I never have an orgasm in my whole life! I know that's sad. I was wondering if you have some tips for me.”
In my opinion, the best way to learn something like this is to just relax and take the time to explore your body. Get comfortable with looking at your body, with touching your own body. After all, if you can’t do it, who can? You will find that it gets easier as you go along. Break out the mirror, try to see yourself as a lover might. They focus on the things that turn them on, they don’t obsess (or even notice) about your cellulite (if you have any,) and mostly they are just grateful to be naked with you. You will find things you like. The curve of your hip, or the shape of your erect nipples, or the arc of the underside of your breast.
Once you are comfortable looking at yourself, relax and just let your hands explore your own body. Until you learn what you like you can’t share that information with a lover. It may take a few tries, but don’t give up. As you find your way down your body with your hands, you might find that you are more sensitive in some areas than in others. If so, keep track of those places. Western sex places so much emphasis on the breasts and genitals, but any part of your body can be an erogenous zone. I have a long, narrow zone down my spine. Of course, I can’t really get to that one, either.
Once you feel arousal beginning, just rub, pinch, press, tap, whatever and wherever it is that feels good to you. Of course, if orgasm is the ultimate goal, you will have to get to the genitals sooner or later. I’m told that some women can have orgasms through nipple stimulation alone, but I don’t know any of them.
Once you get to the genital region, explore the way the various parts like to be touched. You will find that there can be a lot of difference in sensation from one spot to another. In this way you can learn what kind of stimulation you like. Most women need more direct clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, but some find it too intense.
A few women have the urge to stop before they reach orgasm. They say it just feels too intense. Getting past that is difficult sometimes. I’d say to just vary the speed, pressure or kind of stimulation (from a rubbing to a tapping, for example.) Eventually, you will learn what your body needs.
It is good that you asked this question fairly early on in your adult life, it will make it much easier for your partner if you know what to ask them to give you and when to change it.
So, the key points are: relax, let yourself go, and take the time to get to know your body. Beyond that, be creative and have fun.
Well, I need to go… I have a BoyToy waiting for me.
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