response to my ex-daughter

Hey, Chip this is Brynn. I’m emailing because you or Donna are not answering your phones. Any way I was wondering if you could keep me updated on the placement. Also could you possibly bring all of my belongings here to Deveruex. Seeming I’m not coming home I would rather have my stuff here and able to be accessed. I was hoping you could come to visit me here before I discharge. And could you possibly bring my stuff within a couple days of you getting this email? (If it fits into your schedule) One of the staff here is wanting to take me out shopping to thrift stores and I was wondering if you could send some money so I can get a few things. Anyway thank you and please keep me updated. I am only on two meds now too and am hopefully going to work my way off of those, too. I was told to communicate more with you guys so I just wanted to say this…  I felt hurt when you guys didn’t visit me for my birthday. I felt like I had gotten slapped in the face when they said you had just dropped off a present and left. I just feel confused. I told you guys I still love you all and I want to keep in contact with you, I just don’t feel like being with you is right for me. And it seems to me that you all have been avoiding me and keeping your distance. I would just like to know why. Anyway I hope to hear back from you soon.

 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Your daughter,

 

My response:

 

Hi Brynn,

Your placement has not been settled yet, but I assure you that you will know what the plan is when we have it all settled.  As far as your belongings, Devereux made it clear when you were admitted that there is a limit to the amount of belongings you can have there, so we have not brought them all.  When we know where you will be going, you will get all of your things, as there are a lot.  If you have something in particular you would like, we could drop it off to you in the mean time.  I am glad you are doing well there.  I am glad you are on only two medications and seem to be happy.

Let me be honest about our contact.  I myself (Donna) refrain from having contact with you for multiple reasons.  The time that I spent with you has been rocky, at best.  The stress and difficulty that came into the family when you arrived was huge- though it could have been managed had you been willing to seek the help we offered you.  Instead we were stabbed in the back over and over, while you put not only yourself, but our whole family at risk.  I have felt completely betrayed by you and your actions over the past 2 years.  It is a matter of self protection that I have limited contact with you.  This applies even more so to your contact with Clay, Isaac, and Eva.  I would never ever intentionally put them in harm’s way.  I would never expose them to something that could destroy them.  I feel like I have not been able to trust you with yourself, let alone with my fragile family.  I cannot in my right mind allow you to have influence and an impact on those I love when you have proven to me to destroy and harm us in the past.  I feel we did all we could for your birthday.  I want you to do well.  I want you to be successful in your future.  It will just take me a long time to be able to trust you with much of anything.  I cannot be manipulated and played again by you.  Having been separated has made my head clearer, and made my emotions more reasonable.  I know that having a relationship with you would require a lot of mending and work- and that is something I am still not ready to do.  I still feel drained and tired from our time together.  I feel completely used up and unable to provide you with anything more.  I feel I gave you everything I had to try to make you better- to make it work to keep your in our family, and you spit on it and threw it away.  While you may have said you loved us and wanted contact with us, the two years you were with us you gave us clear constant reminders that you wanted nothing to do with our family unless we would give you exactly wanted.  I felt that if we did not allow you to use us as your pawns, you would then hate us and throw a tantrum to get what you wanted.

At this point there is nothing left for me to sacrifice for you.  I cannot give you more of myself than I already have.  Since you spent 2 years declaring how horrible life with us was, I find it hard to believe that a few months at Devereux would sincerely change that.  I am sorry if you want more from me.  Maybe one day I will find more strength and be able to give you something more.  But right now I am exhausted and ready for some fresh air.

 

Donna