and so the cycle never ends..

I haven’t written in a very long time.  Very Very long time.  Life has been insane.  Just when I think it’s calm, everything explodes.  We are now a family of 5, and soon to be 6.  It’s not exactly what I had expected, but not bad either.  What I didn’t expect was to have two teenagers with so many emotional and psychological issues.  I didn’t expect to be assaulted over and over verbally by my son.  I didn’t expect to have a daughter who I have to teach how to love herself.  I didn’t expect to have my previous issues come back to me in such a huge and real way.  It’s like every person that has died in my life has come back in a new form to haunt me and make me face the issues I thought I had dealt with.  How do you help two hopeless teenagers who are struggling against you constantly?  With my crazy hormones of being pregnant, I am at a loss of how to deal with them.  All I want to do is avoid them.

 

 I don’t want to see you

It’s not that I’m in too fragile a place

I’m scared that all these bitter feelings

might blossom into full fleged hate

and I don’t want to feel that way.