If you have no illusions, you have no dissapointements

Miss Tick Of The Nook

Well, Hello World…from The One With A Bucket. Yes, I’m still at it…I found the process of a dream being born so fascinating…it begins with a thought of  “something”…eventually, that thought transforms into a selection of options…it is important to leave your subconcious mind to play with each on a background, so he can pick a card as he feel the need…and when he’s ready, he will do just that…and you won’t even question why…

That was creative way to say “after considerately long process of aimless pondering, the idea of the location for my next travel has finally materialised without me making much effort”…In fact, she now comes to a point of doing research into flights and arrangements. I won’t say more than that at the moment, as it is still left to see if the route is straight forward and my bank account agrees with the need. But I’m a ticket-close to the yet another Curious Traveller’s dream.

So…August, eh…that was a time when I said “I’ll be back”…well, at least I am back, took longer than I expected, but here I am…trying to catch up with the comments left and my own thoughts to share…

My reality is deffinitely in a slow lane…all the house work has been done…ALL…and all of the garden work…ALL…it is hard to believe, but when my eyes run over both, the house and the garden, even they can’t see anything else left that needs to be changed…I’m not saying My Home is perfect…oh, whom I am kidding – I am! My Home is perfect for me and from this moment I’m going to give it a name…a perfect name for a perfect place, for my sanctuary…I hereby am naming it – My Nook…that sounds a bit of hobbittish, doesn’t it? a bit of magical…and a bit of casual as well…suits me perfect, I think.

Thus, is concluded a strange chapter in my life…the one where I raised above, became a phoenix and found my peace…and this is not just a pathos rethorics. It is how it feels…seven years…seven years of learning to live a life, of making sure all the safety is taken care of, of finding stable ground, of creating my World from scratch…This is nothing to do with forgiveness and acceptance…this was all about confidence…all these seven years I’ve been re-building it from ground zero. Along with the house, it just worked that way, not my choice of preference, yet somehow it helped to stay focused…I am often thinking how intricate are the connections in our life between our needs and our challenges and our dreams…I have learned that if you want something bad enough, you will get it…eventually, perhaps, in the form you didn’t ask for, yet still the core need will be satisfied sooner or later…I became a believer in bigger dreams…dream impossible, it stretches your mind to reach for it and in the end you will get what you need. I’ve got a canvass with a wise quote. It’s on my wall in the kitchen, so I see it every time I walk past. it says “If your dreams don’t scare you, they are not big enough”

I have to say, part of the trick is to see what you want very clearly…if your mind is confused about what exactly do you want, the Universe won’t know what to push your way…I think, I only started making progress when I was faced with the real needs of reality. I had to make some global changes to my house because it wasn’t freindly to my disabled mother. I wouldn’t do most of what I’ve done to it without this insentive. But while concentrated on the mundane needs, I found deep satisfaction from the results of the changes…I also found that while the self-excuse was – I did it all for my mother, in reality, everything I’ve done, I did for me. There is not a single corner that i would’ve done differently, if it wouldn’t be for her. So, truly, what The Nook is now – is what I always wanted it to be…the urgency of transformation only brought it to life sooner…

It does sound like I’m boasting about my achievements. Yet when I think of it, I am generally way too shy and self-consious and rarely admit how good I am, not even to myself… the fact that I feel comfortable to say all the above, perhaps, means that this time even I believe I deserved a praise. A self-praise. So, here here… a friendly tap on my own shoulders and a welldone, you. I will stop mentioning my awesome house from now on. But wanted this chapter to be a logical conclusion to a Seven Years of the Long Road Back To Me