Dialysis had a small hiccup today. It was not in my plans. I could not make it in after 9 am when I had gotten the call from the clinic to wait until they took care of the water situation they had. So I did not have dialysis today for the first time. I am disappointed even though the clinic can not help what happens there sometimes with their machines, water tanks, or products not working correctly. It means that I have to have extra fluid taken out of me on Tuesday.
I have had a lot going on in my life and dialysis being three times a week, it is now a part of my life due to being in stage 5 ESRD. Yes, I have been talking about dialysis a lot lately. Lots have changed since the second placement of my dialysis catheter. It seems to work better than my first one, but I believe we are beginning to have some small issues with my blood clotting the machine lately. It can be nerving and annoying as life continues to move ahead from one day to the next with or without incident. Go with the flow is something I have come to understand lately, but I still get anxious and upset when things in life get out of my control. I deal with emotions that still cause my mind to wander and feel amazed at God’s work in my life despite how I feel at the very moment that something does occur. I need to sit back, a lot, to breathe a few relax breaths to see what God wants me to see, understand, hear, and feel. It is not easy when anxiety rears its ugliness in my life. Thank goodness today is Friday and I can sit back and relax a little bit before having another dialysis treatment.
Please forgive me today. I have talked a lot about dialysis so far this month. Like I said in another entry, it is a part of my life now. I do not know how long I will be on dialysis nor do I know when I will have my second transplant in my lifetime. I know I need to be 180lbs or better before a transplant is considered and I am between 188lbs – 200lbs right now going in and done with dialysis for the day. I get hungry easily because of Prednisone. Even at 5mg of Prednisone, I can eat all day as it does not suppress my hunger. That is one thing I do not like being on that drug for the rest of my life. Okay… enough said about dialysis woes.