Right Now — Real Time 1

Another day has begun here around 5:30 AM.  I laid in bed until 6:15 AM cuddling with Bing Crosby the Cat and decided to get myself up and going for the day.  I have an appointment this morning at 8:30 AM at Mercy Hospital to get an ultrasound done to find a place for a fistula or graft for hemodialysis. Right now I have a catheter and that was placed on April 24.  It is working fine, but it is only temporary.  Yesterday I had a good friend AD pray with/for me and my upcoming appointment today and also prayed for God’s guidance of the professionals doing the test. I am not surprised how well AD can pray. She does a great job.  God guides her.  I have loved AD for years.  While I was in bed last night, she had texted telling me that a friend of hers had a prayer for me regarding today.  Waking up to that this morning was great comfort.  Dr. Anjum was at the dialysis center yesterday morning and afternoon. We spoke about my dry weight, my water weight, my upcoming appointment today and my fear of infection with a fistula and graft, and he told me in detail about infections occurring in a fistula and graft comparing it to the catheter I have right now.  He had relieved me from my fear, and I can now breathe with ease without the feeling of anxiety and panic rising.  Satan is very good at making me feel down on a regular basis, but I am now learning how to keep my chin up more than I have done so in the past which includes Saturday and yesterday.

I have no major plans for the day after my appointment.  DKF will be here any minute now for personal cares, getting dressed for the day, and getting to my appointment.  If I can, from this day forward and every day, I plan on writing in my diary in real time before my day begins.  If I get up at 5 AM, even 6 AM every morning, I have one to two hours of time to write and get things done.   Why not…right?

 

Monday Morning’s Real Time

With the weekend behind me now, a new “work week” has begun.  DKF helped with personal cares, I am dressed comfortably for the day, my laundry was done at the laundromat.  I did not go to the laundromat with DKF, but I wish I did to get out for a little while, and I have done some posting at Empowras well as looped with other empowrians on the site.  I watched the last half hour of “Columbo” and now I am watching/listening to “Matlock”. No more “Perry Mason” movies apparently. That’s okay.  Bing is being a semi-lazy, sleepy cat as he stays in my site and talks to me from time to time.  For the first day of my “work week”, I do have to admit that it is nice to be wide awake and alert this morning.  Sometimes I find myself tired after dialysis, but I still plug away at it as best I can when it comes to moving about the apartment.  Sitting on my bottom all day is not comfortable and my bottom aches.  Sometimes I find sitting in the recliners at the dialysis center very uncomfortable, hard to sit still because my bottom gets achy.  It is embarrassing.  Anyway, the weekend is over, and the week has begun.  No plans for today.  I have a semi-busy week ahead and that includes dialysis.  Today I am going to work on my journaling, diary, do some reading. I am now reading another Murder, She Wrote book.  It is very hard to put down.  Reading is one of my favorite things to do.  If I can read 3 ½ hours at dialysis each session, I can read all day at home when I do not have other plans in the works.

Outside my reading, I love computers, writing, being online, watch TV, and snuggle with Bing Crosby the Cat.  As far as writing is concerned – as I talk about my favorite things in no specific order today, writing in my diary here is a big plus for me.  When I feel up to it, I write as often as I can at least once a day. Today I am not so sure about how many times I will be sharing my thoughts – silly or not, sometimes repetitive moments.  When it comes to my diary, I find a relief from my thoughts, like the negative ones, for a little while.  I get bored from time to time just like everyone else does in this world, too.  Those bored days turn into antsy days and writing becomes more difficult.  Why bother writing when bored?  It does not solve anything.  A good days, I can write a book or two, lol.  Like right now, lol.

When it comes to computers, I have learned one good thing about myself.  When I do not feel good, computers are not on my mind as much.  I have social media sites such as Facebook,Twitter, Empowr,Instagram, and I have a place to write a diary right here at Dear Diaryand a blog at Blogger, and when I do not feel very good I may not get online and make some appearance.  In October 2018 my time on my computer was limited.  In January and April, while I was in the hospital, I left my computer at home so I could rest.  In April, my life as a patient had been a very interesting time for the doctors and nurses.  I entertained myself while hallucinating about bombs and missiles, the President of the United States, Dr. Phil, and seeing transparent people and other people who were really not there.  Computers are my life…or it seems when I am feeling up to it though.  My life is well spent on a computer.  Today I am trying to cover everything before my day ends. Tomorrow is a dialysis day and after dialysis I just want to get home and relax a little bit before doing anything that I love doing other than doing my best getting around along as sitting around catching my breath to breathe in and out.

When it comes to watching TV, I have my “Matlock” marathon in the morning after “Columbo”, sometimes I watch “The Talk”, “Judge Joe Mathis”, and most of the time “Peoples Court” and “Dr. Phil”, and sometimes channel 27 News.  Then I get ready to close up shop around here and get ready to relax so I can go to bed by 8 PM Monday through Thursday so I get some good sleep and rest.  Saturday night I did not sleep very well and last night I did not go to bed until midnight. If I get 6 to 8 hours of sleep I can function relatively well.  If not, I am very tired and can barely move about or stay awake until afternoon comes into play at noon.  I have my favorite weekend shows to watch as well.  It is whatever is on the Oxygen and Through the Decades channels.  I love my marathon shows from time to time.

Bing Crosby the Cat and I have snuggle times. When he comes onto my chair I am sitting in, he eases himself onto my lap to cuddle.  We do this a couple or several times a day.  It depends on Bing’s cat mood. When he wants “mommy time”, I end up having “Bing time”, and does not go unnoticed in my house.  I rarely have visitors outside my IRIS workers Sunday – Saturday so Bing is my companion and chatting buddy when I am not on my computer like I am right now.

My life has schedules on top of spur of the moment time. My life is not boring, but I have boring days from time from time.  I do not feel comfortable with visitors anymore unless I am in a very good mood. Although I share my life here at Dear Diary, I share things that are not private as I am a private person more now than I used to be.  I no longer include people into my personal life any longer as I have certain people in my personal life now.  My areas of life now is:

Spiritual

Medical/Health

Personal

Family and Friends

Professional

Mentally

Since I was in the hospital and dealt with scary hallucination episodes, I have very cautious about allowing people in my life.  As far as my professional and medical areas of my life, I have to admit that biting the bullet hard has come to mind many times as I have met some awesome people at the dialysis center since I began dialysis as an outpatient. It is just one of those things I have been very cautious and aware of my attitude changing about allowing people in my life.  My idea of change has changed for the better in areas but change and I still have head on collisions from time to time.  My life has changed about how I think about some things and most of the time I feel really good about life with negativity far off my mind.

            Well, dear friends of DD, it is time for me to do some other things now.  I have taken an hour of writing time to share a little more about myself to other readers.  DFK has left for the rest of the day and will return in the morning, and “Matlock” has been on since 8 AM.  I do not feel exposed or tired, but I feel the need to get back to reality for a while now.  I will write more later today.  Have a good rest of the morning.  TTFN…