There are moments in my life that is wished and wanted, but those days are not always like that. That is the way life goes. I was hoping to write more in my diary after I got home from church, but the time was not right nor was it to be. The thoughts on my mind could not form into words scrolling across the computer screen right. I am admitting that my thoughts and words forming in my brain do not always compute when I want to write them all out. That is one reason why I love writing in a diary on a daily to regular basis. I can be confused and just jabbering if it needs to be that way some days. Yesterday afternoon I had planned to write about my happiness being a façade for many months until now, but the words were not coming out as my mind formulated. It can get very frustrating.
The word façade comes to mind, so I looked it up the other day while I was searching for the right words to write about my happiness and where I was and heading, and now at in life. This is what I had found out.
FAÇADE – the face of a building, especially the principal front that looks onto a street or open space.
- an outward appearance that is maintained to conceal a less pleasant or creditable reality.
The word makes sense, but I did not realize that it referred to the face of a building. Maybe, façade is the right word I am looking for to use when it comes to my happiness not being genuine although the surface showed I was happy when I was not really happy. I was feeling like I was walking on pins and needles, egg shells, and the aches and pains I was feeling all through my body was very hard to deal with. Tylenol did not even help the pain I was feeling so I knew it was psychological and I needed to make some changes in my life once again. Remember me talking about having difficulty with change? I actually do not remember if I have. That’s okay. Writing in a diary today will help me get organized again. Writing my thoughts does help me out even if I do repeat myself often enough. I am on the right track now.
After giving it some thought, the word façade is not the right word to use. I will indeed go with the idea that the happiness I was feeling the past few months was not all genuine, and the happiness I was feeling was deep down somewhere and I had to make some changes to bring the happiness back into my life once again.