It Must Be One of Those Weeks…

Dialysis last week did not go very well.  My blood clotted the machine so dialysis was stopped and I went home early.  Today I talked to the nurse LV about how I felt because dialysis could not be completed in 3 ½ hours.  I feel tired, bloated, short of breath, and irritable.  My case at the dialysis center will be looked into so that I can get through dialysis tomorrow between Dr. A and the nurse P (male) and nurse LV (female).  I need relief.  I feel I am back to square one as I am gaining weight because the fluid in my body is building up due to dialysis not able to be completed.  I am frustrated.  I hope that my dialysis situation will be resolved this week as my blood clots the machine and my catheter does not work properly on either side (venus – blue, arterial – red).  All week last week, despite the frustration I feel, I want to believe there is hope. This is a trail I have to get through. This is one of those trials that confuses me right now.  I will have to wait until tomorrow to see what the outcome will be to relieve the situation.

I am also a little nervous about what is going to be said when it comes to the perceived tone one of the techs W (male) had last Tuesday and on Thursday when I did my best to take care of the issue myself before going to others who can help me take care of the issue.  If W did not feel he did not have a tone that scared me, I do not find that the issue.  The issue is how he reacted when I did my best to tell him that he had a tone of voice that was not appropriate and another tech and patient he told what I said to him.  Not appropriate in my book.  Here I was, Thursday, doing what was right.  It may not have been the outcome I had hoped it would have been either.  My heart is broken over W’s reaction.  The idea of other people at the dialysis center being involved was not in my plans, but I had to do what was right.  Integrity is the key here.  I am not going to be belittled anymore.

When AR decided to quit immediately, last Tuesday, I felt betrayed.  I felt so hurt that I did not know what to say or think about the text she sent.  I called DKF and my IRIS consultant JR immediately upset.  I had no time to find out what AR wanted to do about the hours this time.  The following morning, Wednesday, I decided to text AR back with my thoughts from the heart. If I hurt her, my intentions were not to do so, but my heart had to say what it needed to say.  I did not know, until Saturday, August 17 that dialysis was going to be an issue that needed to find a resolution yet.  I was already a little frustrated with W and his tone of voice, and then I get a text from AR saying that she was no longer working for me because of the hours being cut.  I felt that I was double whammed.  I was mad, sad, frustrated, and felt betrayed.  I no longer wanted anything to do with AR.  Our relationship was over entirely except I would not stop praying for her and her family.

I am looking forward to what the resolution will be as far as dialysis is concerned.

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