Afternoon Thoughts Before Personal Cares

I have the opportunity to write some more before my IRIS worker AR gets here at 5 PM.  I have had a good day so far although earlier I thought that something was wrong when DKF called me while I was at church during worship service.  That hour of not knowing why she was calling me caused me to worry and panic a bit, but we did connect before potluck started and I learned it was nothing serious.  It was not nothing to worry about and yet I was beginning to feel that I had done something wrong and we were not connecting for some reason.  When I learned why DKF called me, the reason of my worry was put to rest, and I did not do anything wrong.  It was not about me.  After communicating with DKF, my day went smoothly after that.  Thankfully.  I do not like to out in public when I have anxiousness or panic raging through my mind, body, and thoughts.  I’d rather be at home, alone, where I can let my emotions roll of my face if necessary.

I have decided to start fresh and begin writing some thoughts down about my Sabbath school lessons of the week after we have had Sabbath school lessons for the week done together as a group.  It will not be this last quarter that just ended because we did our last week, week 13 today as a group this morning.  I feel I need to express my thoughts more openly via the net when it comes to learning about God, myself, and others in a spiritual sense because my spiritual life and upbringing in the Seventh-day Adventist Church since 1999 is very important to me whether or not I reach others in some way or not.  I will never cram my religious beliefs down anyone’s throat nor will I preach to others what they are doing wrong because I am just as human as the next person who has done wrong in my life.  Anyway, starting today, March 31 – April 6, I will read my lessons daily, take notes on my own by marking up my quarterly, go to Sabbath School Saturday mornings before church and take more notes and mark up my book some more, and the write about what I have learned in the daily lessons for the entire week.  This last quarter, which was from December 31, 2017 – March 31, 2018. We talked and learned about Stewardship: Motives of the Heart.  The second quarter, which starts today March 31, 2018 – April 30, 2018, we will be discussing End Times.  As I sit and explore today – April 6, 2018, I will have more details and notes I can make into a topic I can talk about.

Remembering Wednesday

I cannot believe that the month of March will be leaving in so many hours from now forever.  This month of 2018 is about to leave with memories good and bad.  Looking back on this month to this hour of day 31 of March, I have been happier and more comfortable in my skin.  The stress has been relieved from my life to the extent of being able to deal with what goes on from one day to the next and be happy for another day to come.  I have had less days where I dreaded someone coming to help with my cares and needs.  I know that this past week had a couple of rough days, and Wednesday being the roughest, I will not forget that day for as long as I will remember.  As a woman who professes to be a Christian who loves God, Wednesday, would have fooled everyone who have heard what words were coming out of my mouth.  The words that came out of my mouth are not repeatable and those words will not be shared in my diary at any given time.  I know that I made God unhappy that day.  Anxiety, panic, and menses do not always mix very well when I think the whole world is mad at me when I am doing my best at communicating with someone who can possibly help me, and that person cannot talk to me.  I really do hate myself for losing control after a certain level of anxiety hits my thinking process.  I know I am always wrong in my thinking.  I do know that I have made someone not very happy, but since then, DKF has spoken to this person and things have become smoother between the two of them.  You see, ever since IDS has closed their doors September 2017, I have lost my sounding board, and I have felt that I had found another sounding board with DKF, but she was not able to communicate with me that day until she got here around 6 PM for my cares and IRIS time.  Now it is Saturday, March 31, and Wednesday is now a memory I will not forget for as long as I can remember, and I am moving forward to other things now.

I have no major plans this weekend except for church this morning.  I have to go now as my ride is on its way.  I will write more when I have the opportunity to do so.