My Mind Has Been Working Things Out

It is getting late and my laptop will need to be charged soon.  I have been playing games and looking at some videos on Facebook this evening.  Bing is laying on top of the paper bag we have in the bedroom and enjoying the quiet around both of us.  Bing loves paper bags.  I believe he is waiting for me to get off my laptop and go to bed, but before I do I wanted to write in my diary before my night escapes me and morning comes.  I have been able to stay up a little later than my usual winter nighttime regimen since Spring is not that far away.

I am not going to argue about how my day went.  I shouldn’t argue.  It was a good and very relaxing day of watching Criminal Minds on ION television, reading, staying away from cell phone and laptop most of the afternoon.  No nap was required or needed today for the first time since the weekend has come and gone.  It felt very good to have my day free to do what I wanted today with no worries or fears of stress taking over my life, body, and mind. I did, unfortunately, think about all the reasons why I was feeling like I was walking on egg shells with a former IRIS worker, but now I have a future I am happy to have and still take it day by day.  Let me just say that I feel calmer, comfortable, and feel freer from whatever was holding me back in life.  Sometimes a change is needed and necessary to have comfort and freedom.  I may be wrong, but it is believed that my former IRIS worker was jealous of the relationship I had with my other IRIS worker.  I hope I am wrong in thinking this.  I have one IRIS worker for now until further notice.  Until then I have to be diligent and patient in looking for a second IRIS worker for DKF, so she can have weekends off.  I am still finding my mind whirling about my former IRIS worker I let go last Tuesday morning because her words coming out of her mouth were hurtful and unkind, and they made me feel uncomfortable, hurt, unhappy, and mad.  I thought we were getting along great, but in the past few months and weeks that led up to the very day of firing this IRIS worker had proven to me that there was something hidden in our relationship that I did not see.   I needed to get control of my life again and be happy without any more stress.  Letting go of my one IRIS worker Db was the best thing for me right now.  I do wish in my heart that there could have been more understanding between DB and me.  Change is good, and I am about to embark on a new adventure in independence after March 9.

Please forgive me for talking about what happened February 26 and 27 of last week.  I am still figuring things out to see if there was anything I had done wrong or could have saved myself from all the heartache I have felt.  Thank you for taking the time to read my diary and learn more about a stranger in the world.