Honestly…

I will be very honest here.  I have not said good morning with happiness in a while and this morning is indeed a good morning in the Karnopp household.  I actually slept 8 hours and 44 minutes!  I slept well.  It took me two months to get back on track here from the anxiety I was dealing with since October.  Now, with it being December 31, 2016, we have this last day of 2016 left.  Tomorrow will be the 1st of January and the 1st day of 2016.  Despite the anxiety I was dealing with for two months I have to admit that the days did go by very quickly unless my anxiety was so high that I could not distinguish time very well as it was going slowly and it was harder for me to deal with.  Why my anxiety is beyond my control it is hard for me to control it even though my meds are taken and working just fine.  It was a very rough ride for me.  Now I can actually breathe a lot better and be happy living at Burbank Plaza once again even some of the neighbors are plain idiotic having nothing better to do but gossip and be intrusive in one’s life.  I personally think that gossipers should be given a dose of their own medicine and see if they like to be gossiped about but the Christian attitude would never stoop that low because Jesus did not gossip.  Gossip and rumor bothers me because I have such a good heart and I have been hurt badly by people because of their idiotic understanding of my life as a person with cerebral palsy, level of intelligence, and their distorted view or description of me when it is done in such a way to be mean and spiteful.  Satan knows how to attack me where I am the weakest and that hurts me even more.  I have my flaws as a Christian just like every other Christian out there – man or woman.

Today I feel I am pouring my heart out of the hurt and misunderstanding of some people around me.  Most of my neighbors around me do not know me well enough but yet I am being judged, talked about, and lied to.  It makes it tough for me to be friends with people.  Everyone, including me, are involved in cliques now-a-days.  Either you belong or you don’t.  Even adults are so high school with cliques, gossip, and rumor.  It’s sad.  Now I understand the path I walk more and more each day, week, month, or year.  It does not matter how many friends you have in your life.  What matters most is what you get out of the friendships you do have that true and meaningful, and most importantly the most important, and I have that in my life.  I also have a relationship my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and I lean toward true believers of Christ more than those who do not believe or yet believe in Christ but do what the world is doing except what Christ would do Himself if he was here today. I know that being a Christian is tough and I have done my fair share of unChristian wrongs and thoughts just like so many others have done, I find pouring my heart and telling the truth is an admission of guilt and wanting to make things right again.  It is not easy being a Christian – man or woman – these days in this world of sin and evil.  My life is complicated and what’s not complicated can be dealt with easily whereas the complicated portion of my life is not dealt with as easily as I wish.  Frustration and tears come into play then.

I am glad that I can end 2016 with no anxiety as the anxiety has lifted, get the rest I need, and start fresh when 2017 begins along with continued kidney health check ups and appointments that will never end in my lifetime.  Tomorrow begins a 2017 and I am glad the problem I had for two months has finally been resolved and RS and I are talking again.  Today I will be going to the Janesville SDA church with the Pastor’s wife CV, go have lunch at their house and see other family who will be joining them for the holiday, and then I will come home and do my own thing.  I have not stayed up until midnight to see the New Year come in for years now but I will have my own celebration here at home with Bing Crosby the cat tonight and tomorrow January 1, 2017.  No major celebrating,