My Evening Thoughts For 11/29/16

It is going on 8 PM here in good ol’ Wisconsin.  I have the Sycamore Row book almost all read.  I have 8 ½ chapters to go.  I have not really been able to put the book down lately.  I believe, if my day goes as planned tomorrow with my shower at 8:30 AM, Mercy Home Health nurse coming in the morning (hopefully), and Bible study at 7 PM at the SDA Janesville church, I might have the book all finished and begin another good book I had gotten from the community room here at Burbank Plaza Apartments. Anyway, I have decided to turn the TV off around 7:30 PM and finish reading a section of chapter 39 before heading to my evening journaling and then to bed for the night.  I know I have kind of complained about the time of getting dark so early has been a bothersome ritual this fall and winter but I am going to be doing my very best at staying up until at least 7:30 – 8 PM.  I have to get rid of this depression and anxiety I have been dealing with since we have turn back the clock an hour for the fall and winter months.  I do wish I was in a state in the United States that did not change time ahead or back an hour – Arizona comes to mind.  Oh well.  I am going to say goodnight and God bless, and come back sometime tomorrow morning when I wake up.  No sleeping in tomorrow – Friday is my next sleep in morning! 

My Morning Thoughts for 11/29/16

Oh  my goodness gracious…the month of November has one more day before in 2016 before it leaves us forever and December will be here before we know it.  Where has the time (or month) gone?  I think it was here for just a short time and then it left so quickly.  Before we know it, too, Christmas and New Year’s will be here at this “bang boom” 2017 will be here!  I know it is not yet December but in reality it is going to be here the day after tomorrow.  WOW!  Where in the world did November go?  Is this what happens when we get older?  I am only 46 years old here.  I have 4 years away from being the good ol’ age of 50.  I know I have been super duper busy this year and the past two months (October and this month of November) I have been very busy with appointments regarding my transplanted kidney this dying and I need another transplant in the future if I am able to have another one.  Am I worried?  No,  but I am just hoping and praying that having a 2nd kidney transplant is in God’s plan for me.  We shall see.  If I am not a good candidate for a 2nd kidney transplant then I will be on dialysis for the rest of my life.  God is in control of my life and health, and I am here to take what He gives me.  He has already given 28 ½ years with this first transplanted kidney my mother donated on March 12, 1988.  My mother’s unselfish gift has given me a chance to do what I needed to do this far in my life throughout the years.  I have been very thankful for God intervening in my life because without Him I would have nothing and nothing good.

 I know I have done a lot of venting and complaining about RS and her boyfriend these past few weeks.  The idea of her having a boyfriend who cares for RS is not my problem.  I am glad she has found someone she can love and that someone’s loves her back.  I just find him creepy (very), loud, obnoxious, and not trusting.  I just do not see what RS sees in him.  When I first met the boyfriend red flags shot right up and I did not like him immediately is all.  I still do not like him even though RS and her boyfriend love each other.  How they met even bothers me.  RS boyfriend just gets under my skin the wrong way.  To me RS’ boyfriend is not handsome at all but beauty could be within with this man.  I find him ugly on the outside.  With that said I do have say that he could be a nice guy despite my feelings about him today.  I just hope, even though she has been in a relationship with this gentleman for only 2 to 4 months, that he does not hurt her in any way whatsoever.  I may not be friends with her anymore but I will have compassion toward RS if she gets hurt by the man she supposedly loves at this moment in her life.  I am not that cruel.  I just do not want RS in my personal or private life anymore because I do not totally trust her anymore.  I do not believe she has lost her way to the Lord but she is doing things that are frowned upon by God at this time – too much worldly things she is concentrating on right now.  I hope she has not lost her way to the Lord.  All I can do for her now is pray for her spiritual welfare as well as her happiness in life.  I do know, for a fact, that she is happy now that she has someone in her life that loves her and she loves him.  This is where the ugliness of the boyfriend is given some respect.  I would never tell RS’ boyfriend he’s ugly to his face.  This is how I feel about RS right now.  I will not be a friend to/with her again, though.  I have walked away from her permanently.

I did not want a shower again today.  It took me until 8 AM to wake up this morning that when my shower gal came at 8:30 AM, I was not really ready to hop in the shower this morning.  RK got my bed sheets changed, the dishes done, Bing brushed, lotion on my legs and socks on my feet, water in drinking glasses and water pitcher, and was able to leave without feeling that she missed something for the first time in a while.  I just did not want a shower today.  Ever since we did the time change my body has not really liked the day being shorter and it getting dark between 4 PM and 5 PM.  I have really struggled to stay up until 8 PM before retiring to bed for the night.  It could be a number of things I am dealing with this fall and winter that has caused me to feel the lateness of the early evening once it gets dark out this time of year.  I do deal with depression from time to time and maybe I am a little down right now or I am just dealing with a lot of physical changes in my health regarding the kidney I have had for 28 ½ years now and it is beginning to die and a 2nd transplant is in my future if I am a good candidate for a 2nd transplant.  God only knows.  I do know that my moods have been shifting a lot lately.  I know this year has been a roller coaster ride and here I am still smiling, my chin is up, and my head is held high despite how I feel from day to day.  I do not mean to be focusing so much on myself lately and being a hermit once again.  I just feel safe in my own home lately even though I still go to the grocery store and church every week.