Today’s Thoughts and Feelings

The Last Day Of May is… Today?

Okay…I cannot believe it…today is the last day of May 2016. WOW. Because yesterday was a observed holiday for ALL of the IDS workers, I had IDS services today. DB, my IDS DSP (Direct Support Professional) was not going to work with me until Thursday morning so MM, my caseworker who schedules my rides for my appointments made, took me grocery shopping at Woodman’s. After we went grocery shopping, we came back to put groceries away and MM got a load of laundry done (towels and my favorite housedress), and get some cleaning. When MM cleans, she cleans! After seeing how she folds my towels and puts them all away, I wish MM did my laundry every week. After she got done putting my laundry away she had left for the week. Because I saw today, I told her that there was no need to talk to her on Thursday even though she did tell me that her calling me once a week is an avenue for me to spill what needs to come out and share how my week went. Today was IDS’s Monday. I have been busy on Tuesdays before but since this was a holiday Monday for IDS, I was very busy today. Yes, today is the last day of May and I am so happy to see May 2016 go.

Talked To MM About Something Important To Me

Trusting people sometimes hard for me to do. Talking to MM and DB about trust really does help. I talked about trusting people with MM this week – today – and what has been on my mind all weekend long as if past was beginning to haunt or something. I told her what happened and what I want to do to relieve some of the pain I feel to my dad but feel that would be a bad idea because of the estrangement between family members. I was told, out of kindness of her heart, by MM that I can only fix what I have going on in so many words that were not offensive to my ears whatsoever. Maybe talking to my dad would not be a good idea so I need to work on what I can with myself. Why the feelings I have coming up and raring some of their ugliness now is beyond me but I know that MM is right. I can only work on what is bothering me and take care of me when it comes to past hurts and feeling of being an outsider looking in with some family members and feeling included and accepted by other family members. Anyway… I have been thinking about this all day. I have friends and my church family/friends, and I have been included in family celebrations with Pastor Van and CV and I am family by choice. I guess, where I do not feel openly accepted (just my feelings now and not really happening), I know where I am accepted and have learned to be a better person because of real good friends. I do feel better now. Whew.

Good Night

It is time for me to say good night. Meds have been taken and I would like to go to bed now. I have a semi-busy day. I have one more Bible study to attend tomorrow evening before summer vacation for Bible study/prayer meeting ends. I am going to say good night and come back tomorrow sometime. Good night…

Nothing Today Really and Taking A Moment Of What Is Happening Tomorrow…

Today has been one of those days I was glad to have time for myself without having services from IDS. Since today is Memorial Day, the only service I got this morning was my shower at 9 AM. After 10 AM, the day was all mine. I decided to watch some recorded Law & Order: SVU episodes most of the day along with reading a good book on my Kindle reader. I rarely texted anyone today and allowed friends and family to have a little break from me. With friends not hearing from me does not mean that I was giving them a little gift I call peace and quiet, I wanted to very quiet day. This weekend has proved to somewhat challenging when it came to what was on my mind. Sleep was not that hard to find but I do have to admit that my I was not 100% easy to find, though. I think I am going to talk to my IDS worker MM about it when I see her in the morning. I will be seeing DB on Thursday for food prep this week since today is Memorial Day and the IDS office is closed and DB’s work schedule could not include until our schedule resumes Thursday morning at 9:00 AM or shortly thereafter.