Okay, after getting those two texts from JSL tonight saying that she was not going to text me anymore for the next couple of days, I got a text from her an hour or so ago! SHE NEEDS TO PRACTICE WHAT SHE PREACHES!!! I have gotten a little anxious earlier with a little panic on top of it – I decided delete the text and text my mother and ask her if she will call me tomorrow. My mom and I got what we planned established and I decided to shut my phone off for the rest of the night. I will turn my phone back on after my shower in the morning. If I get any messages from JSL tomorrow, I am ignoring them since SHE WANTS TO HAVE A BREAK FROM ME! If she asks me why I have not responded to any of her texts for a couple of days I am going to tell her that she told me she wanted to have a break from me for a couple of days and go from there. Until then, for the next couple of days, I am going to ignore and delete her texts.
Now She Tells Me!
Okay, a while ago I get a text – two of them from my so-called BFF JSL stating that I did not listen to her yet again this weekend and that she is NOT going to be texting me at all for two days because of it when she stated on Friday she was taking a break from the internet and texting and she texted me a couple of things today – not the two texts a while ago now – and was on the internet. She texted me that wanted a break from me and I did not listen to her. Well… she DID NOT state that to me at all that she wanted a break from me. I read what I read and here she was on the internet on Facebook this weekend posting when she said she was taking a break… SHE DID NOT TEXT ME THAT SHE WANTED A BREAK FROM ME ENTIRELY… Well, she could have told me that straight out instead of telling me something else where I found her NOT practicing what she was preaching herself. I am so hurt and betrayed by this crap she pulled on me – now her BFF status I am not sure about anymore. People NEED to tell me exactly WHAT they WANT when it comes to me. I read exactly what people say or do very well and if I am NOT told what a person WANTS, then I feel hurt and betrayed big time. I do not know what to think about JSL anymore and her friendship. I do have a feeling now exactly why other people do not want nothing to do with her because she gets in so bent out of shape. It is not just me having troubles with relationships people! Why can not get it across to anyone else in my world … I can not be friends with no one with some kind of problem anymore. I am sick and tired of being friends with anyone now-a-days. Why bother with anyone. I hate being alone entirely and yet I’d rather be alone and not have face to face contact with other people. I’d rather be home and go places only when I need to – appointments, grocery store, and traveling to see family, and going to church. I hate it when people say one thing do the opposite or not tell me EXACTLY what they really want – that is where I am hurt and feel I have been betrayed. I am sick and tired of ranting and raving and bitching about my friends who act out they way they do because of an argument or because I am concerned about them. Why do I even bother with people who seem to have issues when I myself have my own issues?! People piss me off! Thanks JSL for telling me that I did not listen to you when YOU DID NOT TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED! Dang, do not get pissed off at me because YOU DID NOT TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED girl! I can care less if you ever text me again girl – right now that is – you hurt me so many times now that I do not know if I can TRUST you anymore!!!! Get it now? I hope so, damn it!
I Want To Scream!
I want to scream and shout, and pull my hair out but right now tears are streaming down my face because people can not tell me exactly what they want from me but instead go in circles so they do not hurt me. What hurts more is people NOT TELLING ME EXACTLY what they want or mean – betrayal is what I feel and hurt right now, No wonder people piss me off so easily and tears stream down my cheeks so much! What is the use of friends – true or passersby alike – if they CANNOT tell me EXACTLY what they want from me. Damn it people. Why are you my friend then? I can not trust people and so trust has to be built up and I have had to walk away from people because of drama and trust issues. I have issues I am working out because I want to work them out. I go to counseling and see a person who can prescribe my medications.
What The Heck Do I Do Now?
I want to hide away from people. I am hurt and confused more than ever! Why?! I just called a former friend and she does not want anything to do with me – that’s fine and good that she told me but I was going to explain to her that I now understand why she was having so many troubles with some people as I am now beginning to see the troubles with some people – the same people we know and she does not want nothing to do with them either – I believe anyway. My ears are warm to the fact that I have anxiety and panic right now, AARRGG!