Okay, after getting those two texts from JSL tonight saying that she was not going to text me anymore for the next couple of days, I got a text from her an hour or so ago! SHE NEEDS TO PRACTICE WHAT SHE PREACHES!!! I have gotten a little anxious earlier with a little panic on top of it – I decided delete the text and text my mother and ask her if she will call me tomorrow. My mom and I got what we planned established and I decided to shut my phone off for the rest of the night. I will turn my phone back on after my shower in the morning. If I get any messages from JSL tomorrow, I am ignoring them since SHE WANTS TO HAVE A BREAK FROM ME! If she asks me why I have not responded to any of her texts for a couple of days I am going to tell her that she told me she wanted to have a break from me for a couple of days and go from there. Until then, for the next couple of days, I am going to ignore and delete her texts.
Now She Tells Me!
Okay, a while ago I get a text – two of them from my so-called BFF JSL stating that I did not listen to her yet again this weekend and that she is NOT going to be texting me at all for two days because of it when she stated on Friday she was taking a break from the internet and texting and she texted me a couple of things today – not the two texts a while ago now – and was on the internet. She texted me that wanted a break from me and I did not listen to her. Well… she DID NOT state that to me at all that she wanted a break from me. I read what I read and here she was on the internet on Facebook this weekend posting when she said she was taking a break… SHE DID NOT TEXT ME THAT SHE WANTED A BREAK FROM ME ENTIRELY… Well, she could have told me that straight out instead of telling me something else where I found her NOT practicing what she was preaching herself. I am so hurt and betrayed by this crap she pulled on me – now her BFF status I am not sure about anymore. People NEED to tell me exactly WHAT they WANT when it comes to me. I read exactly what people say or do very well and if I am NOT told what a person WANTS, then I feel hurt and betrayed big time. I do not know what to think about JSL anymore and her friendship. I do have a feeling now exactly why other people do not want nothing to do with her because she gets in so bent out of shape. It is not just me having troubles with relationships people! Why can not get it across to anyone else in my world … I can not be friends with no one with some kind of problem anymore. I am sick and tired of being friends with anyone now-a-days. Why bother with anyone. I hate being alone entirely and yet I’d rather be alone and not have face to face contact with other people. I’d rather be home and go places only when I need to – appointments, grocery store, and traveling to see family, and going to church. I hate it when people say one thing do the opposite or not tell me EXACTLY what they really want – that is where I am hurt and feel I have been betrayed. I am sick and tired of ranting and raving and bitching about my friends who act out they way they do because of an argument or because I am concerned about them. Why do I even bother with people who seem to have issues when I myself have my own issues?! People piss me off! Thanks JSL for telling me that I did not listen to you when YOU DID NOT TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED! Dang, do not get pissed off at me because YOU DID NOT TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANTED girl! I can care less if you ever text me again girl – right now that is – you hurt me so many times now that I do not know if I can TRUST you anymore!!!! Get it now? I hope so, damn it!
I Want To Scream!
I want to scream and shout, and pull my hair out but right now tears are streaming down my face because people can not tell me exactly what they want from me but instead go in circles so they do not hurt me. What hurts more is people NOT TELLING ME EXACTLY what they want or mean – betrayal is what I feel and hurt right now, No wonder people piss me off so easily and tears stream down my cheeks so much! What is the use of friends – true or passersby alike – if they CANNOT tell me EXACTLY what they want from me. Damn it people. Why are you my friend then? I can not trust people and so trust has to be built up and I have had to walk away from people because of drama and trust issues. I have issues I am working out because I want to work them out. I go to counseling and see a person who can prescribe my medications.
What The Heck Do I Do Now?
I want to hide away from people. I am hurt and confused more than ever! Why?! I just called a former friend and she does not want anything to do with me – that’s fine and good that she told me but I was going to explain to her that I now understand why she was having so many troubles with some people as I am now beginning to see the troubles with some people – the same people we know and she does not want nothing to do with them either – I believe anyway. My ears are warm to the fact that I have anxiety and panic right now, AARRGG!
More Thought of the Day
I feel I have vented a lot in the past few days. I have no idea if it is because I do not have any patience during the time I have my period and I am just a little anxious and panicky during that time. Yesterday, while I was talking to my caseworker MM from IDS, she said I sounded pretty happy when in reality, opinion only, I was just silly and I had my period since Sunday afternoon, MM just chuckled and agreed with me. LOL… Anyway, the rest of my afternoon was spent with no one but my cuddly kitty Bing Crosby.
My evening did not turn out the way I had planned with CSE at all. In fact, CSE and I did not get together like we were planning on earlier this afternoon. I felt like she reneged on getting together with me to watch American Idol and yesterday’s recorded episode of ”Switched At Birth”. I was greatly disappointed in what happened and not CSE down as planned this evening bothered me for a while. I ended up sleeping off the disappointment a bit – a cat nap before now. I am not sure if I am going to have CSE down tomorrow or not because I have to get up early Friday morning and go grocery shopping at Wal-Mart with JP my IDS worker. AARRGG!! CSE disappoints a lot and has done it ever since we reconnected last January 2011. Today is one of those days I wish I never reconnected with CSE when she first moved in here but the kindhearted person I am, I know that CSE needed someone around her age to communicate with, Another AARRGG!!! So here I am up, late again, for a while but heading to bed here shortly.
Well my friends and readers… I am saying good night now and I will be back sometime tomorrow. I have no plans again tomorrow – no definite plans anyway. I might have CSE down or no company after my 9 am shower with RK’s help. I am getting tired again and my eyes are getting droopy – yawning a must at this hour going on 11 pm CST in good ol’ Wisconsin. So good night and God bless!!
Morning Gone and Afternoon Here
Morning has left us and now it is afternoon. RK left almost 30 minutes ago. I am all cleaned up and dressed for the day. I am watching “Supernanny” right now. Bing has been looking out the window at the white world outside with keen kitty interest of what is going on out there. He has been a very good boy today – so far. He got to play a little bit with RK before she left for the day. It is, like any other day, going to be a lazy day today, lol.
Not An Early Good Morning This Morning, LOL
I have been up since 500 am this morning and watched ”Love American Style”, “Family Affair”, “The Beverly Hillbillies”. “Petticoat Junction”, “My Three Sons”, and now watching ”I Love Lucy” It has been an early wake up but that is okay but I decided to wait until now to say good morning at 730 am CST to my friends and readers. I just wanted to make sure I was awake before saying good morning. I have been watching MeTV ever since 5 am this morning. More details later…
Neighbor Noise – Not a Vent …
Last night I could not quite make it out what the neighbor who lives above me was really doing but she was making noise and it was excessive for fifteen minutes. I was not sure if she was telling me that my TV was too loud so she was pounding on her floor/my ceiling or she was getting ready for bed at 1030 pm while I was trying to get some sleep after my Melatonin was finally kicking in. CSE had left a little after 10 pm last night after we got done watching last week’s episode of ”Switched at Birth” – we are a week behind and I plan on watching last night’s episode sometime this week with CSE before next Tuesday’s episode – I hope. making between 1030 – 1045 pm. I was not too worried about the neighbor making noise but I do have to admit that I turned down my television and got snuggled under a blanket and read a couple of pages of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows before shutting off the light for the rest of the night so I could get some sleep myself. I had heard, as thin the walls are around here, the neighbor flushing her toilet and head to her bedroom to bed. The neighbor rarely makes noise after 9 pm at night and so when she made some excessive noise after 10 pm last night I was a little worried but realized that she was probably getting ready for bed.
Plans For Today
Once again I have no major plans today. RK will be here at 1030 to 1145 this morning to help me wi I sti,th my shower but I do not think I am going to have anymore company today after she leaves for the day. After last night, when CSE told me her cat was not feeling very good, I thought about it all my waking minutes before bed that she needs to be with him today. If she does come down to my place, it will be only for a few minutes but not all afternoon and evening. I kind of felt awkward after she told me her cat was not feeling good and was feeling a little better when she came back down after 9 pm. It just does not seem right to leave a sick animal alone. I still think CSE should call the vet today and let him/her know that her cat is not feeling well but then again, she is not me, she’s CSE. I have no major plans today.
I have taken my morning medication and had two glasses of water already to start my day, leaving my glass of water on the counter where I took my medications, lol. Bing has made himself known this morning when I filled his food dish and checked his water for the morning – knowing he gets fresh water 3 times a day now. I got up to check and see what Bing was looking at underneath the open kitchen sink floor and found that was just staring at the darn far – scaring him by accident, lol, as he looked at me with his wide blue eyes wondering why I asked him what he was doing – acting like he was doing something wrong! Poor Bing! He’s okay now. He decided to get a little bite to eat for breakfast and a few treats. I give him Indoor Formula Cat Chow for his food and Iams for his treat twice a day when he is a good boy – he got some treats this morning. He loves Iams very much. Good kitty.
Farkle – Telling Like I see It But Not Venting…
I love playing Farkle with other players. That way I meet or see who I am playing against. Sometimes my opponent and I chat, sometimes we don’t. I have always wondered why the creators of Farkle have added the chat feature when people rarely chat with one another playing anymore. I do not chat with many people either anymore. I find it useless and pointless when opponents close out chat while playing. Another thing about Farkle that I do not really care for is when an opponent bows out of the game because they do not want to play against you – don’t they realize that they lose the game and I end up getting their allotted coins. I hate winning by default. Now, I have had to leave a game a few times myself forfeiting the coins I have put towards the game myself because I have had to do something else at the moment, but still I find it kind of odd at times when I win by default because opponent has left the game. I also find players can be sore losers as well after getting 3 farkles in a row – negative 500 points. It is so frustrating at times. My patience with players who act smug and think they are better than me runs very thin very fast and I will sometimes leave the game forfeiting the coins I put towards the game and go on to another player or on to something else at Facebook for a while. I love the game!! I am addicted to it!
Since I have my period, I do have to admit that I feel like hibernating like a bear! My energy level is lower than usual when I have my period and I just feel so blah and gross. This week has not been too bad this time but I am flowing heavy somewhat and I want to have my period to end real soon. It is driving me crazy. Thank goodness for my morning showers Monday – Thursday this week! They help very much. I just hate having heavy periods but glad I get them on time and they do not last too long! Forgive me for grossing anyone out – especially my male readers and friends.
Is JSL Okay?
I do not know why JSL said to me that she is not in the mood to text today and that she will text me again tomorrow. The past couple of days she has texted me because she needed to vent and get some things off her mind about her grandma on Monday and then had to vent about her husband’s sisters yesterday. She was crushed yesterday when she told me that her husband’s sister deleted her from their Facebook page. She was hurt – very hurt. I felt bad for her then and still feel bad for her today but there is nothing she can really do when people won’t accept her in the family because she married her husband. I wonder if she is still hurt and upset about that from yesterday and that is why she is not wanting to text at all today or does she have her monthly now too and she is just moody and does not want to be a bitch? I hope she is okay!!! I will find out tomorrow or hear from her later in an email – maybe not hear from her at all today period. Who knows. I have to wait and see. More later…
More Details Later
I am going to sign off for now and come back later. RK will be here in about an hour and fifteen minutes and I want to watch TV and read some more before she gets here. Have a good rest of your morning and I will be back soon. God bless and have a good day …
The neighbor upstairs above me has been noisy the past half hour. I have turned down the TV so she cannot hear it anymore tonight. I am not sure if I want to know this neighbor so I am keeping my distance and away from her – if I see her, I will be nice, but I am not going to become friends with any more neighbors in this building. I have problems with relationships these days anyway. Always have had problems with relationships because I was never taught how to have a good relationship with someone … always have bneen on my own two feet anyways. I am hoping that the noise this new neighbor has been making has died down for the night now so we all can get a decent night of rest and sleep. I wonder if her next door neighbor has any problems with her – I hope not. I am feeling this new neighbor is someone I find not trustworthy. She has a beautiful dog but that’s about it I can really say about her right now. I believe we have started off on the wrong foot the moment she moved in – after her little visitor was heard screaming and jumping off furniture onto the floor right above me, and constantly crying. Another AARRGG!!
I will be back tomorrow. Good night for sure now. Boy… venting a lot lately AGAIN! Dang!
Final Thoughts of the Night
CSE has just left. We were watching “Switched At Birth” together for a long time and we watched last week’s episode tonight – a week off … so we are going to watch tonight’s episode later in the week before next Tuesday’s episode. CSE was planning on leaving before the show ended but she did stay to watch the entire show before leaving when she learned that I could fast forward past the commercials, lol. She had come back down after checking on her cat and told me that he was feeling better but still would hibernate in the bedroom under the bed. That is normal when an animal does not feel good. Bing takes leave from me during the week from time to time and sleeps in another room when he does not want nothing to do with me but he always make himself known. Speaking of him making himself known, I need to get off the computer for the night because my melatonin is now doing its sleep trick on me and he wants my lap to be free from my laptop so he can cuddle with me for the night. So…
Good Night & God Bless
Good night and God bless. I will be back tomorrow morning sometime before my 1030 am – 11:45 shower with RK. RK is here the rest of the month and then DB should be back in February again. Good night! Sleep well my friends!
CSE did arrived within ten minutes after she texted me she was coming now. She has just left a few minutes ago to check on her cat and she told me her cat had a slight temp. That may not be a good sign and I told her she needs to a hold of her cat’s vet to let him know. She said she will if he does not feel any better in a couple of days… I disagree with her idea of calling her vet if her cat is not feeling any better in a couple of days but then again I am not CSE. She has to do what her heart tells her. I would be on the phone with the vet immediately if Bing was running a temp. Excuse me for having my reservations on what CSE told me about her cat having a slight temp. She has lied to me many times before and I hope she is not lying about Ethan not feeling good today – if he was not feeling good today, she should have told me when I asked her to come down – why tell me practically 5 hours later? Sometimes I find how CSE executes her words with everyone in her life. I am not sure what to believe with CSE anymore. I did not say anything on how she was handling the situation because I am sick and tired of not understanding her and did not want to get into another argument with her or anyone. I have my monthly right now and giving her the benefit of the doubt the best I can. AARRGG!! I do hope, if Ethan is not feeling well tonight, he feels better soon and I hope it is nothing serious and CSE loses Ethan to something very serious. I hope not! Ethan may be the “wild cat” and CSE has mixed feelings towards him practically a year later, I do have to say I wish Ethan not to be a sick cat any time. Boy… do I still my dratted issues with CSE and they are driving me crazy right now because I have my monthly right now. How many more chances can I give CSE now? AARRGG!!! She still frustrates me!!!! I still believe it was a mistake for her to move back in the building and I know now it was the influence of NMS that had CSE move back in here. I just wish that her ex-husband would stop coming over here! I think their friendship is not healthy but who will listen to me – NMS really doesn’t hear me, and CSE closes me out and acts funny. I no longer write about CSE when she is here now – have a feeling she will overlook my shoulders and watch me writing about her and NMS! That would NOT be good!!!! I hate it when people overlook my shoulder – another pet peeve of mine she definitely knows about but yet I do not trust her entirely right now – her lies ring too close to memory. Bing loves her to pieces and I can not dissolve that bond but I do not like how she thinks she knows Bing better than me! Bing and I have our communication down pat. We rarely talk to one another but we do communicate our way. Bing is not like Emilee, my first cat I had for 16 1/2 years. Bing is Bing.
More later… hopefully. It might be a late night again tonight … I took a melatonin a few minutes ago and it will take a while for it to kick in and do its job tonight but I will not be up super duper late. For now… Later…
I am here with CSE’s stuff – she has my keys to my apartment – and she has been gone for over an hour to go check on her cat. She texted me a awhile ago letting me know she is grabbing a sandwich and yet has not returned. I just do not understand her and never will. She is not the same person I met in 1998 when I first moved in here. We were real good friends for a long time until she got married and her husband and I had a falling out because I did not believe the person who was looking for her was her cousin or did I ask NMS if this person who was looking for CSE was her cousin. The woman who was in my apartment was a total stranger acting very strange and asking me questions I could not answer because I did not know CSE anymore – when she was CKR – and her husband made sure I knew that he was pissed off at me about the matter. That is why I have this very bad and sick feeling about CSE’s relationship with her ex-husband and new wife today – knowing that one day JR is going to find another woman and leave his now wife for a new woman. He is on his 4th marriage now and when he married CSE/CKR his first wife had died before their divorce was finalized and he was dating CSE at the time he was separated from his 1st wife. This guy does not know how to keep to one person – a player and a loser. He is one reason why I do not date at my age of 41 now. I believe CSE has had a troubled life all her life and that is one reason why she made a new name for herself a few months ago and now she is trying to erase the CKR she once was the wrong way. CSE needs help and I still have this feeling that our friendship will always be rocky because I do not understand her today and never have understood her when we reconnected January 2011 – I was so excited seeing her again for a while until I got to know her again. What her ex-husband did to me still rings in my memory very loudly every time I hear CSE is with him aassnd I despise the asshole very much – knowing that his now wife will be divorcing him soon. I hate the guy very much and never cared for the asshole ever since that faithful night. NMS took his side on the whole matter and did blame me for CSE not having any contact with her cousin for a long time after that. Well… what else could I have done – I did not know her cousin and I really do not like her cousin very much this day even.
Is this all I can do lately… vent?! People I associate with or don’t care to associate won’t let the past lie where it belongs – IN THE PAST!!!
I texted CSE a moment ago asking her when she will be back down and she texting me she is coming now. It will be another twenty minutes because Ethan will get out of the apartment and run down the hallway and she will be chasing after him for a while because he knows how to avoid her. She does have to come back anyway. She has my house keys!
Deletion of Entries This Morning
Please forgive me for deleting entries this morning – having written and then deleted. I was having problems with my submit button this morning and ended up having my entries post several times!! I decided to delete all entries and start fresh again when I could. I know that it showed that I wrote an entry today and then no one could see it because I deleted it. I had to do it – will restart from fresh once again now.
I kind of missed the good morning to everyone this morning so I am saying good afternoon now, and going on with my day.
The Need to Vent Today
NMS & CSE
I am still royally pissed at NMS for what she did last week. Even last night she pissed me off even more for telling me that she could not get a hold of anyone after 430 pm in regard to the smell in her apartment and she wanted me to pass on the message to CSE. I am beginning to feel that CSE has been sucked into the problem at hand about NMS’s apartment and CSE is helping her out. CSE has her opinion, she told me last night about what the smell is and left it at that. I still believe that NMS is causing trouble all over again and I am still pissed about last week!!! I still hope she does not come back home for a very long time yet – in nursing home after being discharged from hospital – she needs to live in a nursing home now as many times as she has been hospitalized in the past month – 3 times now! I do not want her back here at the building anymore. She needs to move out. Maybe she will yet if the smell in her apartment is not resolved. I could not see her moving into another apartment on the second or third floor anyway. There will be something terribly wrong with those apartments as well according to NMS. NMS has been causing trouble for the past three years since her niece has been fired from her job and NMS reminds me about that from time to time by telling me that I would not sign a petition to keep her niece working here. That happened three years ago or so and her niece is still holding that against me to this very day. I deleted and blocked her niece from my Facebook page because of how I get treated to this day by NMS and LS. It makes me sick! If NMS does not live here anymore, another troublemaker will be out of here, and another negative person is out of my life for good. NMS talks to me about acting like a Christian all the time and she has been acting like someone who is not a Christian herself! She is two-faced. I am beginning to feel that CSE is two-faced as well now too.
Still A Fault Finder
My close BFF is still a fault finder in my book. She had written me a long winded email yesterday, and I began reading it and deleted it within the 1st two sentences because I saw nothing but her pointing out my faults and saying she is sick and tired of me repeating myself. Anytime she points out on others she wants us to comply to her but once we point out her faults, she become the bitch from hell and gets so damn mouthy about it and threatens to get her parents involved. She is a fault finder and never will I ever introduce her to my friends again because problems come and go and she ends up having a big problem keeping her mouth shut. She got all pissy about the fact that I continued to text her over the weekend when she told me if I had a problem, I could. She lied to me and if I tried to explain it to her that she said I still could if I had a problem and needed to vent, she would call me a liar and that she never said such a thing. She lies to me still to this day much worse than CSE ever lied to me last year in 2011. My friend just does not understand me at all – does not accept me for who I am then. I do not always believe everything she tells me anymore because of her not accepting me entirely as she says.
My friend texted me this morning that she was done trying to accept her husband’s sisters into her world because they do not accept her. I have a feeling why she is not accepted into the family like she hoped but can not say why – assuming is not good – do not want to make an ass out of her and me at this time really. I have issues with her attitude on a regular basis and her attitude is going to get her in big trouble again one day and I am going to let other people see her attitude and deal with her if she gets out of line – not with me this time! I am positive that my friend’s husband’s ex-wife was well liked by the sounds of it and I believe my friend is very jealous of it. My friend thinks that her husband’s ex-wife is a bitch too, lol. Jealousy seems to be a problem for JSL these days – opinion only that is. JSL does not always get her way and she puts up a big fight until she gets her way all the time and lying is one way. The strangest thing is that her parents know I would pipe up and say the truth when it comes to their daughter lying. AARRGG!!!
I just do not understand why CSE has to go check on her cat every two hours! That poor cat probably thinks CSE is a nut for not allowing him to be a plain old cat! Her cat has been trouble from day one when she got him and he can still be trouble – chewing on cords, biting hard, and running out of the apartment every time the door is opened. CSE does not have the energy to go chasing him all the time. The horror of hearing her scream and holler at him a couple of times frightens me as well – he does not listen to her at all because of that. Never put two male cats together! Her cat is a big bully to Bing and he is never allowed to come down here anymore because of it – bit him and put a scratch on one of Bing’s ears that healed but took a while. Ethan would not be allowed to chew on anything of value – cords – in my place and get away with it. CSE would be paying for anything Ethan destroys in my home – that is another good reason why he is not allowed to come for a visit. He is too wild and I call him “wild boy” all the time. He does not sit still. I have heard CSE going back and forth about keeping Ethan all the time and I told her maybe she should because he is too much for her and she got all upset about it – speaking the truth does hurt – and I had to say so. I was getting and still sick and tired of hearing it about her wanting to keep Ethan. Even though I am upset with NMS, we both agreed that Ethan is too much for CSE and the moment he started destroying her things, she should get rid of him – NMS and I would never allow our pets – NMS does not have any pets anymore because she is allergic to cats and dogs now but would never allow a pet to destroy her things. The way her apartment is so cluttered now, no one can even get into her place and feel like it is home. I don’t know what happened to NMS’s cleanliness “attitude”!!! AARRGG!!! At least we agree on some things still when it comes to our concern for CSE. I am still working on understanding CSE yet to this day and yet I believe that our friendship will be dissolved one day yet. I still do not have any patience with her lateness. She has been up to her place for over an hour now and has not returned yet! AARRGG!!
Gotta Go For Now
I have to head off for a while. I will be back later. I am catching up on some TV shows I recorded. More later… Good bye for now…