Well friends, it is time for me to say good night and God bless. Even though I live where time is central standard time (CST), I saw Dick Clark tonight. Lady Gaga began the ball drop and was there in New Year Square. With DC having had a stroke some time ago, he looked good – stroke affecting his speech somwhat but still looking good and happy. Now I am watching more New Year stuff on WQRF – Channel 6. I do not listen to country music very often but love it, that is what is on right now – ACA. I do have a friend over for awhile.

A Quickie

I have had my shower and got ready for the night. I feel clean and comfortable for the night now. It is now fairly quiet in the household and I am watching a TV program on MeTV – Lost in Space – enjoying my evening here at home … do not know if I will have company tonight or tomorrow yet. No plans have been made.

Frustrated To the Max

What does it take for doctors to listen to the patient closely and do what they are asked. I was not feeling the greatest on Tuesday, Wednesday, or today. I talked to my doctor’s nurse who communicated fast with my doctor during the day and got back to me – that is not what am frustrated about. I do not get frustrated with those professionals … with Mercy I am frustrated with as far as the ER at how they made me feel. I felt they did not listen or even do what I requested before coming to an observation and sending me stating I had a major anxiety attack … with Adavan (sp?) in my system and telling me to follow up with my doctor and my counselor. I knew that I was having a panic attack! The discomfort in a couple places were real and the area by my belly button was feeling like prickling needles doused in flames and I asked the doctor to visually look at the are to see if my hernia was being problematic right now or a muscle has been indeed pulled. The doctor did not even do that. AARRGG! Once St. Mary’s is open for emergency care and it opens, I will be going there from now on and Mercy will be a memory.

Now & Tomorrow

I have no major plans today or tomorrow – the last two days of the year 2011. I am going to begin writing about my live living with cerebral palsy before I intend on forgetting over and over again…

I am going to say good night now – come back January 1, 2012

Despite My Day

Despite how my day has been – CSE’s as well – I do believe that I am going to make the best of Christmas Eve the rest of the day and go from there. DB will be here in a couple of hours or so now to help me with my shower and then I will watch more TV and go from there – I am done a lot of venting and bickering all day long today – enough is enough. I am not feeling very good right now emotionally and have a dratted anxiety headache trying to plague my body, and so forth. I even have my monthly and that is not helping me at this time either. I am so frustrated and wanting to cry again – glad to be getting out of the building for a little while tomorrow and I am looking so forward to it more now today than ever but was not too sure about it several hours ago before CSE and I had a little tiff between one another. I am so frustrated and lost in my own world AGAIN! I do not what to do with CSE anymore – I am totally confused, lost, and very hurt, and not sure if I can even continue having CSE in my world now – we do not have anything in common anymore – CSE is someone I do not even know or even care to know right now.

So please forgive me for writing about my grievances over and over regarding my neighbor CSE lately and still not doing anything. I know and understand that it is a constant issue I need to work out myself and go from there. I am just getting frustrated and need to walk away from things for a while when it comes to CSE and I, and resume things on a later date/day. My world has been rocky and confusing me all year so I will be glad to see 2011 gone.


I blocked CSE from being able to text me again! I just wish that we could get along with one another. She told NMS that she gets stressed out because I yell at her all the time. If she would stop and think that her always being late is very frustrating at my end then I believe CSE and I would be on the same page again. She also told NMS that she does not understand why I do not understand her – I cannot understand her because of the fact that she is constantly late – every time we get together and I invite her and she just does not stop and think that it is frustrating at my end. At this time, once again, CSE is out of my life and I am not sure if it is permanently yet or not. Something is wrong with her. I also do not think that she is not mentally well along with not physically well on top of that. I am hurt and not understanding her at all. She does not understand me at all either. My day today is all mine. CSE is not a part of it at all. She can have Christmas Eve with her cat tonight then. I do not care. I should not have even invited her to come to my place at all period. Now CSE and I are upset.

Late As Usual and Her Excuse Is …

She is going to be late again … as usual … disappointed and hurt indeed once again. I texted her and asked her if she was coming and her excuse was that her alarm did not go off this morning as planned, and she was just going to hop in the shower, take care of a neighbor’s cat and then come down. Well… that was an hour ago when I had texted her and now she is going to be more late than Thanksgiving Day! How rude and nuts this really is. I am planning on uninviting her now – why bother – she can take her stupid weekend and spend it alone or with other friends who pity her or do not care what she does when I know there are two people in CSE’s life who are constantly hurt and bothered by her lateness and excuses over and over again. She needs to get help! I called NMS, of all days, and told her what has happened and she told me that we need to get together with CSE and have a very seriious talk with her at the beginning of the year. I am sick and tired of CSE’s behavior and so is NMS and we are going to finally talk to CSE about how we feel about her attitude, her lateness, her lies, and other faults that only true friends will point out behind closed doors. After we talk to her, whenever that will be now, I am done playing her damn games and if she does not change, she is completely out of my life for good. I am NOT putting up with her anymore after this – this time for darn sure. CSE needs major help and we are going to tell her that whether she likes it or not.