My world is very confusing right now. I don’t know what is going on. I just learned by a phone call this evening that BW’s dad has passed away last night so explains why he tried calling me this morning. His mother died last year in December and now his dad dies last night. I do feel bad about it but I am not comfortable with BW at all. I don’t want nothing to do with him at all yesterday, today, or tomorrow. I will not attend the funeral because I do not feel comfortable after what has happened between us in the past several weeks and how BW is emotionally, physically. I don’t mean to sound so cruel but I have been hurt. Even with CSE, I am still hurting. I am doing my best at walking away from negative aspects but I am still running into snags by how I react to things. Like how I reacted and acted with CSE last night. AARRGG!!! I do not always know what direction I am going when things happen. Another AARRGG… Something I’d wrong with me.
Nothing serious really … I just can’t do a couple of things anymore. This couple of things are as follows.
1. Be BW’s friend anymore. He is a strange man and he is sick when it comes to sex, so persistent about reminding other people that his mother had passed away last year from a heart attack, what he had posted on Facebook about the principal on high school happens to be my 2nd cousin having an affair with one of the teachers — a rumor or did it really happen is something that I don’t really know because it is not my business even though this is a family thing. With him calling lately is not acceptable either. I will not pick up the phone when he calls. I have no interest like BW’s and never did – looking back pretty far. He has changed since high school…
2. I know my outburst at CSE was inappropriate but right now I need and we should have our space from one another right now. I need to re- evaluate a few things.