My friend who texted me last night and I got all pissed off because of her continued attitude about me texting her when she was continuing to text me when she told me to stop texting and listen to her for once. It happened again tonight that she was so critical of me texting her a “book” instead of a simple good night, and I texted her back saying that today was one day of sentiments and I apologized to her for sending her a long text. All because she has her monthly, she, to me, does not have to be so darn critical about my texting her certain texts and pointing out all my faults and so-called problems that can be hurtful to a person. Her words cut into my heart once again tonight to the point that I finally decided to shut my cell phone off for the rest of the night and turn it back on when I get going in the morning and fully awake. I am not going to put up with my friend’s attitude during her monthly anymore. She can be a royal bitch and read into things way too quickly and is so darn critical everyday. I am done with her bullshit if she continues and I will tell her so if it happens again.
I am okay…somewhat, anyway. Those panic attacks on Monday, a very rainy day, have really freaked me out this week. On Tuesday, the after affects of those ongoing panic attacks have caused me to be in such a frazzled state, and yesterday, the frazzled state seems to have lessened but yet have been noticed. Last night, being pissed off at a friend about texting back and forth bringing on yet another rule change at the last minute has brought some of the frazzled feeling from Tuesday back again – panic attacks can still rise to the maximum level at any given time – anything can set off more panic yet when in a frazzled state. CSE did not make me too happy last night either. She actually pissed me off as well. I had fallen asleep and had awakened with her gone and the living room light was still on and I had jumped awake with my heart racing kind of fast and panic was in my body once again. It was 10 pm and I called CSE to find out how long I was asleep and when did she leave. She told me she was going to text me to let me know when she had left and got to her place and I told her that I had turned off my cell phone for the rest of the night because of the texting war I was supposedly having with one of my friends, and I knew CSE was here when I was pissd off and talking very loudly at my phone swearing at my other friend about the dang texting war we were having. CSE acted like, at the time I told her that I would not have gotten her message until this morning because my phone was shut off for the night, so strange and she was not even connecting with what I was saying at all as if she was in her darn spaced out world for some reason. I was not too happy having to express my thought three times to CSE that my cell phone was shut off for the night because of what happened earlier in the evening between me and another friend – a texting war that was not necessary whatsoever at the hour it happened – rules changing again at her end at the dang last minute. AARRGG.
With the new day beginning… I had awakened at 730 am and finally got myself somewhat going before my shower gal got here at 8 am to help with my showering. I got dressed for the day – in comfies for the day and planning on going grocery shopping with my worker from IDS named JP. In fact, she has just called to let me know that she did not have a stool for the van right now and wanted to know if I could get in the van without a stool today, and I told her it would not possible because I am not very strong this week for some reason – tired-like state. I am still planning on going grocery shopping…have a stool here that I am going to try out for the time being (today).
Right now I am going to head off here and come back later…when I get back from shopping – hopefully get to go yet today –