Right now I do not have any patience left for CSE.
Friday is here and the weekend has finally here. I have JSL’s kitty Cuddles here for the weekend – yesterday and today – and she will be going back home to JSL some time tomorrow afternoon when JSL and her husband are done moving from one apartment to another – from Janesville to Milton this time. Cuddles has been a good kitty and always is most of the time. I believe I am going to miss her when she goes back home but I know that JSL misses her terribly when Cuddles is not with her. Both JSL and I worry about our fur babies. Anyway…
The weekend is finally here.
I will NEVER forget how KM made me feel. I am sick and tired of the lies and I am going to be constantly reminded of KM’s lies from this day forward. She has caused some major problems from day one the moment she moved back here in January. Even when I asked her to come down and see Bing and Cuddles yesterday, she told me she was not going to come down because she did not want to be reminded of the two people she despised the most and did not want nothing to do with JSL or DL or JSL’s parents whatsoever. I had flat out told her at that point that cuddles was a cat and an innocent one at that one – Cuddles did not pick her “parents”… JSL picked Cuddles. I was pissed. I cannot wait until she is out away from here and no longer in the building. I will no longer hear about people and her dislike about them. She is a very hateful person!!!! A sick person as well who needs help.
I am worried, very worried about my friend CSE. I know I should not worry about other people but I do worry about CSE. I have been talking to NMS about my concerns and issues with CSE lately because I have noticed that CSE. I believe an intervention is necessary to get CSE some medical help for her emotions but NMS told me that if we evenn tried getting help for CSE it would be a lost cause because CSE would deny she needs help, and that we are the ones who need help to those who we are seeing at the time. I am totally sick and tired of her lies, lateness, holding things back, and her unsympathetic attitude about other people and their needs of venting. I do not know if I can even trust anymore. She acts so nasty at times. I even disagree with the idea that she even changed her name legally. Those who do not read the paper or get the paper do not know that she has changed her name legally and those who know her as CK or CKR will call her CK or CKR. she acted, the other day, that they will have to call her by her new name or she will not answer. I even told her about my workplace looking for disabled peoples to work and she acted so nasty about the idea of me giving information to my bosses so they could call her when business gets up and running. She did even like the idea of me asking a former teacher of hers if she remembers her and gave me such a nasty attitude about it, I practically threw her out of my apartment and telling her never to come back. The day she came into my home and said she could not find a DVD in her apartment stating that there was no God and Christianity did not exist still looms fresh in my mind. I feel I need to walk away from CSE for good once again but I cannot do that right now. I feel, though, with the attitude CSE does have, she will do something that will make me snap and tell her off about her attitude, her lies, holding back on the truth about things, and how she is always late coming down to my place is getting worse, and I also feel that her changing her name was absolutely not necessary and will not change her past, will happen once again. Right now, even this day, I want to change my password so she can no longer get online using my modem anywhere in and outside the building so she will have to invest on getting her own provider. The other day she was looking into it and nothing came of it. I still believe she needs help with her finances. She needs to stop being so closed up. I do not even consider her a “true” friend because she does not tell the entire truth. She is just a good friend. I can not even vent to her about things like I can with JSL. CSE nerves me so much – everyday – and I want to scream at her for being such an idiot for not getting proper help for her emotional problems where I am seeing a counselor and taking medication for my problem.
I do have to admit that I wanted to see KM and not hear about certain things regarding this building, my friends JSL and her husband, and the fact that she is moving out again. I just wanted to go and say hello to her and her cat Tootsie for a few minutes and leave. What happened, when I visited, with CSE in tow, we ended up hearing about HUD not keeping this place up to code, how she despised my friends JSL and her husband and would not come down to my place to come see Bing and Cuddles, and the fact that she is moving out of this so-called God forsaken building, and how the onsite management as well as the property management handle this place. She acts like she runs this place, lol. Anyway…
The lies that she has been telling is that JSL is not allowed in the building or even on the property. How I found out this was a lie was because I called JSL’s parents and did speak to her mother about what I heard and her mom told me that her daughter could no longer live in the building because of the trouble she had caused with some of the tenants but was still allowed on the property and allowed to be in the building. KM said that AF from Teamster’s. Is said that JSL was not allowed in the building or on the property when AF did not even say that. I think I will go to the manager about this tomorrow because it bothers me that much.
KM is moving in September now and she will not be coming back here again. The manager of the building will be glad to see her go as well as the property manager. Many other tenants, including myself this time, are happy that she is moving out as well. I have come to the conclusion a while back that KM can not be trusted – along with the fact that I get texts and warnings to be careful with KM. I can not wait until KM is gone away from here. I can wait for a month and a half before she is gone, though. Til then I will be civil to her but after today, I am going to keep my distance from her for good this time.
Unfortunately frustration is setting in as far as my feelings are concerned regarding CSE and what has been going on in our world. I have talked to NMS a lot lately regarding CSE and her attitude and behavior. I am still praying for CSE but frustration has settled in lately. I have been crying a lot when CSE is not here because I am frustrated with her. I feel I need to walk away from her and nt have her here right now but she has been helpful in my world opposite of hers.
I do not have to go to work until Monday now. Today the weather is rainy and stormy. We have thunderstorms and more bad weather coming in. CSE came into my apartment in a state of panic telling me to turn to a certain channel because they were talking about bad weather – tornado weather heading our way or nearby. AARRGG! I was not thrilled about being told to turn my TV channel. I was in the middle of watching the Flinstones cartoon I had recorded that day. Yes, we had thunderstorms all day long and the electricity flicked on and off – thankfully after I shut down my modem and unplug the surge protector and took the phone line out of the modem.
I am a working woman now and it does feel weird. I have not worked for 10 to 11 years so the idea of going to work, again, feels real strange. I have worked two days so far at my new job – loving it – and feeling independent once again. The idea of riding the buses again was scary at first when I started riding the buses on the 20th but after riding the buses to and from work today, it was not bad at all.
Good Morning – A Very Busy Day Today
Good morning! I have a very busy day. I have to work from 10 – 1030 am – 12 noon, have an appointment at 1 pm with my counselor PS, and my shower is at 245 – 4 pm this afternoon. I had missed the UPS truck yesterday because they came between 10 am – 2 pm and the on-site manager – Kathie – had to leave to run errands. I have Jessica P coming today at 8 am – 930 am this morning to help clean, do laundry, and do food prep. Today is the busiest day of the week so far – it seems – and that is good. I am so happy that I am a working woman now – again – and the fear of working after 10 to 11 years is slowly disappearing into nothingness now and it feels real good. Riding the bus to and from work yesterday was not too bad. I feel safe and comfortable in my power chair as it is a safety net for me when outside in the real world beyond my apartment. When I had gotten home from work, though, I happened to have run into the tenant in #308 – my former apartment – who was so rude. I will be writing a complaint against him tomorrow sometime. I need to yak at Kathie about the time because I have to work.
I did not have to work today but went in anyways since I was being picked up for an appointment from my work place to for an appointment. I visited with my employer JD for a whtile along with NN, VB, BG, and when BV came back from work. I did not get paid and that is okay. The business is brand new and the work right now is setting things up and getting the business up and running yet. Last week, when I worked my first 3 hours was just to talk and meet my employers and co-workers/other employees of the company. On Monday, we were all cleaning and setting things up with what we had as far as furniture was concerned. JD has an eye for antiques and the furniture she has brought into the office to use, at this time, are beautiful pieces of furniture and my world sees beauty in antiques as well.
A Prayer Need
I feel real bad for JD right now. I just learned, after getting to work this morning that a friend of hers is dying. I will not be working Thursday and Friday this week. rayers are needed for JD right now.
No Work Tomorrow
I called JD this evening and she was heading to Minnesota this evening to go see her friend who is dying at the Mayo Clinic there. I do not have to go to work tomorrow unless BV wants me to come in because JD is not going to be there. She is going to be with her friend during her last days/hours and so forth.
Remembering Grandpa Clarence’s Birthday
A Couple of Memories
I do have to say that I feel a little odd right now because today I am in loving memory of my grandpa, Clarence V. Fox. If he was alive today, would have been 99 years old but in 2003, at the age of 90 – 5 months short of his 91st birthday – he passed away from complications from Alzheimer’s disease. Today, I am remembering him as he was before the disease took over his body and he became someone else I did not know anymore. Grandpa Clarence, a teacher, coach, father, grandfather, uncle, brother, and husband, was one man who has changed lives of many students and family members. He was a mentor for many people in his days of teaching. I even remember struggling in elementary math – fractions – and he took the time to help me learn fractions and other types of math throughout the years. He never learned algebra in his teaching days so I showed him how algebra linked into math and he was one tough student, lol, but he did learn enough to get by.
With Grandpa Clarence gone now – eight years – only memories is now the only connection between the two of us. I remember a time – I believe it was in 2000 or 2001 – I visited Grandpa Clarence at the nursing home he was living at with my parents in New Mexico. I was a little nervous seeing him but once I saw his face, I gave him a kiss on the chin, and a sparkle came over his eyes and a tiny smile as if a memory from him was coming into focus. My mom’s husband LLL and I exchanged glances and thought the same thing that he probably had a spark of memory and knew who I was from the kiss I had given him and we both learned that should NEVER underestimate a person when it comes to Alzheimer’s disease. That moment in time was captured by the heart for as long as I remember now myself.
Grandpa Clarence is missed dearly today. Even though Grandpa is no longer alive, I will still wish him a
Happy Birthday, Grandpa Clarence!
today and always. I do wonder, if my grandparents Myra and Clarence were alive, what they would be doing today if their health was fair, good, excellent – grandpa with no dementia and grandma with no heart health issues.
Ahhh, Dear Diary, I have to work today – leaving here a little after 12 pm to catch the bus to be at work by 1 pm. The weather is definitely cooler and nicer at this time and should be fairly nice today and tomorrow with 50%, again, thunderstorms on Wednesday. We do need the rain but we surely do not need the damaging effects of thunderstorms and lightning anymore. We have had lost a couple of trees in the yard here throughout the years I have lived here because of damaging winds and lightning cracks close to the ground. In fact, not remembering exactly the date it was now, lol, the last Thunderstorm that was severe and damaging had cut out our electricity out for 3 hours. It was a Monday morning and I was going to be having my shower, and ended up taking the shower by flashlight, lol.
Thinking Of A Past Friendship That Is No More Today
Today is MEE’s birthday. I am not going to do a shout out for his birthday because we are no longer friends. I do not want any contact with MEE as well. I have known MEE even since 1992 when we met at Blackhawk Technical College. He is now engaged to a nice girl and they have a son. His relationship with this nice girl came about when he met her while in the hospital. I do disagree with the relationship because both MEE and his fiancée are both emotionally troubled, not working, and it has been rumored that he has trapped his fiancée by getting her pregnant. I have decided, whether the rumor is true or not, I stopped having communication with MEE and have our friendship remain a memory. Months before our friendship was tested and stretched out to the breaking point, MEE became suicidal, thought I was jealous of his relationship, and I decided to walk away from MEE for good. I did not feel safe with him anymore and with his suicidal tendencies/emotional troubles, anymore. I walked away from him a year ago because he chose to walk away from me.