It is time to say good night and God bless. I took some medication to help me relax comfortably for the night and get some sleep. The anxiety is calming down now so I am not feeling the feeling of anxiousness as much now since my last entry here at Dear Diary. I will be okay in the long run now and tomorrow is another day – my shower at 8 am in the morning and then grocery shopping in the afternoon. I might have CSE down for a while tomorrow afternoon when I get back from grocery shopping at Wal-Mart but I am not sure yet because I have yet to make up mind if I want her here. The idea of her planning on getting rid of her laptop that is screwed up and she is getting a new one does not settle too well in my stomach and mind right now. I am not even sure of a lot of things regarding CSE lately anyway because our friendship – to me – is not the same it once was. My day today was semi-busy because I had a very important appointment/meeting here at 10 am til 1130 and then my company left leaving me to defend for myself the rest of the day. All I have been doing, with a little cat nap in the process, was watching TV, writing, and enjoying my day with no afternoon and evening company. The sleep aid is beginning to do its job so I will be going to sleep before 10 pm tonight. The medicine is actually beginning to make my muscle feel lose and comfortable and I am losing control of my physical state. I will be okay in the long run but I do admit bed is around the corner – closely anyway. anyway… I will write more tomorrow and say good night and God bless now. God bless all of my DD friends and readers of the Dear Diary spot. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE! Amen!

The feeling of panic wants to creep up on me real bad. It will not go away and I am doing my very best at not allowing that panic to rise inside of me to the point of losing control of things in my little world. It is frightening and kind of scary in my book at the moment. My world is filled with panic a lot lately — health wise anyway. I am doing okay now since last weekend though. Anyway, at the appointment/meeting this morning with the nurse from Rescare I did get a little nerved at the mention of the company I am still with and what I will have to do when the time is right to get discharged from the shower company I am still with. The idea of having to see the nurse K is not my cup of tea as K always makes me nervous and feel very uncomfortable lately. With Karen, the nurse from Rescare, does seem to be more comfortable to have in my world – not intimidating in other words, lol. We do not have a clash with the minds whereas K and I have been having personality clashes a lot lately. In fact, to be very honest here, I wish that K never returned from medical leave as I had a three month break from K while she was recovering from knee surgery several weeks ago. So the nervousness I feel right now is not going away as quickly as I hope as it is still lingering from the appointment/meeting at 10 – 1130 am this morning. AARRGG! I am not very sleepy yet, either and that usually means my dander is up a bit for some reason. I will be okay, though. I am going to have to take an aid for sleep tonight in order to calm down the nerves I have at the moment in a little bit. It is going on 8 pm here in Wisconsin here shortly – 1/2 hr away anyway.

More later…

Comfortable and watching TV now, I am glad the appointment went well and was over with within an 1 1/2. I really like the nurse of Rescare and I hope, just as much as the nurse hopes, can help me get 5 to 6 showers a day instead of the 3 I am already getting. MM was here and helped with some of the questions that popped up. After the nurse left, MM and I took care of some disposable underwear bags by bagging them up and taking them to loan closets in our city as I have collected so many of them in the past 4 months, lol.

I will be having company over within an 1 1/2 now. I have been up since 715 am this morning with a brief wakeful moment around 5 am and it is already 8:45 am! WOW! My morning is going by rather quick today. That is good actually. That means my day has its normalcy today.

More later after my appointment — weather permitted of course…