Good Night & God Bless

I thought I would say good night and God bless and come back sometime tomorrow. CSE has just left to go check on her cat Ethan, leaving me locked in and safe in my apartment to come back in a little while. I am watching 48 Hrs: Missing Persons I recorded earlier this week and playing games on Facebook. I am playing Cafe World and Farkle tonight. Not bored… exactly anyway. Not planning on going anywhere tomorrow. Because it is Father’s day, I do intend on calling my two dads tomorrow for a Father’s Day recognition and quick gab. I am going to say good night and God bless and come back sometime tomorrow yet…… so….

Good night and God bless. Yawn.

Hello Once More

Hello… Today has been an okay sort of day for me. Right now CSE is here. Because her laptop is screwed up, I am allowing her to use my Windows 7 laptop as long as she DOES NOT download anything on it, uses it the way it the way I have it set up, and leaves things the way it is. I am okay with someone using my laptops as long as it is in my home and under direct supervision so to speak and that my friends who are using it use it wisely and under my direction only. I have my IMac and Macbook I can yet use if need be, I am sick and tired of CSE’s computer screwing up on her as well. I am sick and tired of hearing about it in other words to be very honest here. I still believe she did something to her computer, unknown to her, that screwed it all up on her somehow. Human error. Question is: What did CSE do to her computer that has screwed it all up on her in so many weeks after her getting it? AARRGG!! Anyway, she is using my Windows 7 laptop right now while I am on my Macbook laptop right now/this evening. I am okay with it. She knows WHAT NOT TO DO ON IT now.

Today, being Bing’s 6th birthday, he is being such a spoiled kitty today with treats and love and affection. He is not a spoiled kitty by all means but he does act spoiled on a daily basis, though, lol. So Bing is always nearby and enjoying all the love and affection, and of course, kitty treats, today with gusto and admiration right back at his providers: me his “mommy”, his aunts – KM and CSE with understanding today. What an affectionate boy he is always. He proves to be the only man of the household right now and intends to keep it that way, lol. I trust God and one ex-boyfriend of mine from high school – SS – with love and affection. Otherwise men are not trustworthy for me right now. There WAS another man I trusted with all my heart and being – another ex-boyfriend of mine – but he is no longer with us because he passed away a couple of years ago this year from a car accident – That was DC … the second love of my life before we parted ways on mutual grounds and understanding we will ALWAYS be friends forever no matter where we were today and tomorrow – today being that he is gone and only of the fondest memories of my world today. Otherwise no man is trusted by me otherwise. Most of the men, except for DC and SS, always think with their penises and always want sex. I have an ex-friend who is a sex addict and he grossed me out because all he wanted was sex and nothing more than that. Sex, politics, and religion are three subjects I find most difficult to talk to other people about – especially sex and politics! I know… Gross as usual. Anyway…

I am having grilled cheese sandwiches for supper tonight. Yum! CSE is making them for supper tonight, I LOVE grilled cheese sandwiches so much. YUM!!!!

More later… One more entry that is… Later…

Is There Something Wrong With Me?

Okay…

I love it here very much at DD and enjoy reading other diaries that are written by other DD diarists as well, However, I feel I have been doing a lot of bitching and complaining, and venting on here more so than any other time I have done so in the past. In fact, that is all I have been doing lately. I feel I have not been very happy lately, either, even though depression has not struck a cord in my life for a long time now. In fact, depression has been non-existent lately. That is a good thing even though anxiety and dealing with yeast infections lately has been existent and problematic for me emotionally lately. Is there something wrong with me? I do not know what to think right now. I have not been happy with my friend CSE lately and even with that said, she has been a BIG help for me and Bing Crosby for a very long time now. I fee l that my best friend JSL has been having an attitude adjustment problem lately but she will be moving out of Janesville into Milton at the end of the month now and that I am happy for her that she and her husband will be going to a place where they can function on the income they do have. I am actually glad JSL will no longer be living in Janesville anymore after this month is over actually. She can actually cause trouble for other people now and not for the Janesville residents. Her attitude can be elsewhere now, lol. I love her to pieces though. She is my little, adopted, sister that is not of blood. Milton residents and police can have her attitude now, lol. Yes, she does have a major attitude problem right now. I still wish that my neighbor and friend CSE did not live in the same building as me either. That feeling of her living here does not satisfy my heart at all yet to this day. She has some problems and I believe she needs help. As for me, I believe I have my problems too but I am seeing a counselor every two to three weeks and being medicated for my anxiety/depression disorder and not keeping things from my caseworker at Catholic Charities or my IDS worker MM. I do have my problems to this day that yet need to be ironed out as well as understood. I do not deny that whatsoever. That is why I feel that there is something wrong with me to this day. I have been dealing with a lot of confusion and misunderstandings lately that my anxiety has been playing games with me ever since February way too often again. Is there something wrong with me?