The Feeling I Felt Over the Weekend

With the anxiety over the weekend and two good friends of mine not feeling I should be totally alone for safety sake, I felt being alone this weekend was not a great idea. So after the ER visit, I spent the morning and a couple of hours of the afternoon at my friend CB’s place aInd CSE spent Saturday night with me. That is how high with anxiety I was experiencing for the 1st time in a very long time and CSE happily obliged. I do greatly appreciate what CSE has done for me this weekend but I do feel a little guilty more than anything. After seeing CSE a couple of days later, we are both tired and sleepy… allowing CSE to go home before 8 tonight was not a problem for me whatsoever. I did not plan on having her down for a long time today anyway. When I called and texted her earlier this afternoon I had asked her to come down for a few minutes to help Bing and then head back upstairs and I would see her again sometime Wednesday but if something serious came up I would text or call her to help me out. I am glad, however, that CSE did stay for a couple of hours, though. It helped.

Realizing One Thing

I do have to admit that today I realized one major factor of my life so now I am going to make some more changes in my life – my world – once again. I did not feel good, not at all, all weekend, and I felt the anxiety flare up real bad. What I have realized, and I am being very serious here, that if my anxiety is so high and two very good friends can not help me calm down like they always can otherwise, the pain in my body is a after affect – a reaction – flares up. Today it flared up so badly that it took a lot to move, I could not have anyone touch me without the nerve endings screaming and I cried a few times and wanted to cry all day long. I have not expressed such pain as I did today since September 2008. Even with the pain being severe, after such a long time, I do have to admit that, I was able to function and make the best of my day. CSE came down for a couple of hours and left before 7 pm to take a nap and do other things for herself and to let me have time for myself and Bing Crosby the cat.