My Day Today…

Memorial Day weekend kind of threw some things off emotionally and mentally for me, lol. Instead of having my shower yesterday because KH could not make it due to the fact she was off, she came this afternoon between 130 – 2 pm while MM and I were cleaning, doing laundry, and preparing food for the rest of the week and weekend – food prep has been changed to Tuesdays and my grocery shopping is still on Fridays. Although, tomorrow I will be getting together with MCP from IDS instead of Friday with C from IDS because C is gone for a few days on vacation to see family in Florida (If I remember right, lol) and MCP is the one I will be getting together with today since Friday does not work for her. So I am glad that I am having food prep on Tuesdays now instead of Friday … I get pretty tired by the end of the end and my weekends seem to be off schedule for church – too tired to go because my body is weakened from tiredness.

For some reason … today of all My days … when KH left, I was glad. She will be back tomorrow between 1130 – 12,

Feeling Of Dread

I saw CSE this evening for a few minutes and I do have to admit that I wish I hadn’t. After what happened yesterday afternoon when she came down, I found myself still not too happy with her. Even though we apologized to one another yesterday early evening genuinely, I do have to admit that my heart does not believe that CSE was not telling me the entire truth and I do not like liars. Liars disappointment me greatly and for a long time now I have to admit that I know what my parents went through with me when I went through my lying phase in my 5th grade year of school. When I was finally caught with all my lies, I do have to admit that the consequences of my lies fit the wrongdoing big time. My dad came home after having a conference with my 5th grade homeroom teacher with ALL of my school books with assignments that were not finished and I had to do all of the assignments I did not yet turn in and the current homework while sitting at our dinner table until everything was finished when I got home from school and on the weekends. The only time I left the table was when I had to run to the bathroom or put my books away for a while during the dinner hour, and when I went somewhere with my parents. I had learned NOT to lie again like that again. With CSE, I feel she needs help with her spiritual and emotional health where I cannot no longer help her. I can not help her that way anymore because I have issues of my own to contend with on a daily/regular basis. After what happened yesterday, CSE has to regain her trust with me again. I am disappointed right now. Having her for a few minutes – a half an hour – should nt have happened as if it was a mistake.

I did schedule to watch Gettysburg with her tomorrow afternoon around the dinner hour but I am seriously thinking of cancelling it until further notice. I am still not too happy about what happened between us yesterday and taking a break from her would be a good idea.