Since I am still not feeling the greatest I am going to sign off for now and come back sometime tomorrow if I can and able. Laundry got done, the trash was taken put, and Bing’s litter box was cleaned and changed … but I will have to do the dishes and counter tops tomorrow no matter how I feel … better tomorrow I hope. I am going to say good night and God bless now. Have a great rest of the night!

I think my Little Man thinks he has been naughty this evening. KH used a tone of voice that I did not appreciate that much … not at all actually. Now I am going to have to talk to him and coax him that everything is fine and that he did not do anything wrong at all. Poor kitty. I do not yell at Bing because he os good all the time and what Bing was doing was being helpful to KH but all I could hear was her voice at Bing a little too harshly. I am not a very happy camper right now because of what happened but I will get over it soon enough. I think I am, with being friends with KH outside of her work at helping with my showering three days a week, beginning to see another side of KH that is not always pleasant. She had left a few minutes ago. Now I have the place to myself for now until Friday morning again. I have to go and talk to Bing and see what K can do to soften the rest of the night for him before I continue watching anymore movies, write anymore journal entries, or read anymore harry Potter. It has been a long day …

Feeling a little better. Going to get my jammies on for the night. Mickey Mouse, here I come. YAY!

Written at 6:45 p.m.

In Addition to Bing Crosby The Cat

I was upset enough to share my feelings with a neighbor, my friend LG, and I told her what happened today between KH and Bing and KH not listening to me about leaving Bing alone. I told her, LG, that I did tell KH to leave Bing alone more than once today but KH did not listen to me and I also told LG about the tone of voice I felt was inappropriate, and LG agreed with me that when cats want to be left alone they want to be left alone. LG also told me hat KH continued to not leave Bing alone Bing could turn on her and become afraid of her, and Bing is such a good, loving cat, all the time. I rarely discipline my Little Man because he is rarely naughty. I am not a very happy camper right now about what happened today. i cannot convince Bing he was not naighty. He wants to be left alone right now so I am doing just that. I hope things are better tomorrow for both of us. I want my loving cat back. Dang it. KH, you need to leave Bing alone when he wants to be left alone! Damn!
More later…

Right Now — Between 9:15 – 9:30 a.m.

I am still not feeling very good but am feeling a little better and should feel a little better after my shower but we shall see. Anyway…I am waiting for KH to come and help me with my shower and she will be here between 9:30 and 10:00 a.m. She was here at 9:30 a.m. on Monday for the first time in a long time. Unless plans change this afternoon for KH, she will be back to help me with my laundry and other chores since I am not feeling very good yet … she has to fill in for another worker today and has another client today … have her on Wednesdays to myself. I know … selfish, lol. Today her schedule is a little different.

More later…

Lost My Dear Diary File!!

I just do not know how I had done it but I had lost my first Dear Diary Journal file this morning when it would NOT load up to be used … deleting it to start ALL over again. I am not mad, exactly, but disappointed in my mind, knowing that there is only four days left before December is gone for another year and 2011 will be upon us before we know it. I am, even though I do not believe in resolutions and never make promises anymore, starting fresh at Dear Diary in the new year anyway, So, I am not mad or upset … files can be recovered or I can just start over with another file … like I am doing right now. I will be deleting the Dear Diary Journal file in a few days anyway and starting frart of the day esh on Saturday, January 1, 2011 when the day comes.

The Rest of My Day

I am still not feeling the greatest this evening. I am waiting patiently for KH to call to let me know what time she will be here in the morning to give my shower and then I will see if I am her only client … to see if she will help me with laundry and dishes tomorrow since I could not have LB here this morning as planned. I have done some napping and on the computer very little today since I am not feeling very good at the moment. I am feeling a little better though … at least … whew! I will ask KH tonight when she calls if she can stay and help a bit. I have a slight temp because of a dratted cold virus and yes. It is yucky today.

Days of Our Lives Soap Opera

Okay…I have to blame my best friend JSL for getting me hooked on Days of Our Lives soap opera so I have been watching Days for part of the day resting up so I can get better. The show is getting real good these days. I know, today, I am catching up on the soap from last week to this week yet but it is very very good indeed. There does not go a day that I feel my life is a soap opera because there is love, hate, deceit, lies, and other things going on in my own family. The trust with my PA family comes to mind a lot when I watch Days on television everyday of my life. It is very very sad but true in my way of thinking. As 2011 comes into play, I will have no boundaries when it comes to writing my thoughts and feelings at Dear Diary. That is one thing that is going to change in my world. I think E.J. Di Mira (spelling of last name) is such a big jerk but I really like the actor … to Sami right now about their two kids Johnny and Sidney. I know Sami has done her damage in her life to put herself where she is at now, but E. J,?

Not Feeling So Good Right Now…Yuck!

I have been having a cold virus festering in my life for a few days now and today it has reached its height with a fever, runny nose, sneezes, and watering eyes. I do not feel the greatest right now but holding my own. I had to cancel, because of fever, my daily living skills for the week and I am not a very happy camper having to have done so but with a fever, LB is not coming … if I had no fever, I would have allowed her to come this morning. The sneezing is not fun either. I just feel yucky… that’s all at this time anyway. Downright yucky.

Noisy Neighbor Above Me

What do you expect when you live on the 1st floor of an apartment building that is three stories tall, has 49 tenant apartments and one on-site management apartment equaling 50 apartments total in our building? Noise…when the walls are thin and sound carries from one end of the building to another because it is not sound proofed. This morning I could hear someone knocking at my upstairs neighbor’s apartment door and the neighbor walking across her floor/my ceiling and then I heard something rolling across her kitchen floor telling me that it was my upstairs neighbor’s neighbor P. P uses a walker to get around so she is stabilized and not falling down and hurting herself since she is an elderly woman. I also heard things being dropped on my upstairs neighbor’s floor that sounded like a small bomb, lol. Ever since P has moved back into the building several weeks ago, I do have to admit that my upstairs neighbor has been a little bit more noisy than before. I have to admit that before the noise started to become more constant, I never heard the neighbor at all, but today I can not say that. When silence falls from above during the day, I know she is either gone outside the building or visiting other neighbors in the building. I rarely see my upstairs neighbor and when we do cross paths, it is a very quick hello and how are you and then we are on our way in opposite directions once again. In fact, I have not seen her since the Christmas dinner we had on December 11th this year. To be very honest here, I did not pay too much attention and I did not see her there either, lol. Sometimes she gives me the creeps and I have no idea why. I must be too sheltered in my world.

The Dream I Had

This morning I had to check my laptop to make sure it was still in one piece because a dream I had seemed so strange. In my dream, which I am glad it was, the laptop had dropped on the floor making several keys pop out of their places, the screen was still attached to the computer but the keyboard area was cracked and bits and pieces were broke off the laptop, the door was still attached to the computer but real lose and wires were sticking out, and the computer laptop still worked perfectly. A strange dream I would admit! I woke up feeling disoriented but happy it was only a dream at the very moment and turned to lay on my side to get some more sleep before it hit the afternoon hours.

Plans For the Rest of the Day

Since I am not feeling good and have a fever right now, I am going to take it easy the rest of the day. I am going to relax and … … hoping to see KH tomorrow morning for my shower and that she can stay to help me with laundry and dishes before she leaves for the day. My fever seems to be between normal and 100.0 right now. I am going to take it easy … play my www.facebook.com games not as much today.

Before I had off to bed here in a moment, I thought I would have one more last thought of the day. It has been a very very good day for me all day long with no interruptions that caused me to feel any different even though some of the conversation topics with MM did seem to be annoying me and she seemed to be nagging me a little bit. Yes, it was annoying but she did bring up a good put about her being afraid of me retreating to my own world and life with having no contact with others and not having face to face contact with other people. I did have the entire afternoon and evening to think and consider what she was talking about in our conversation. I believe I was hasty in telling her to stop nagging me because MM is actually here to help me get through life happily more so than anything. I will consider it more tonight while I am sleeping – probably will dream about it, lol, about the past several weeks of my life. It is past 10 p.m. CST now where I am at and I am tired … going to bed in a moment. I guess … it is another late night here in Ksmiley’s household again. Have my daily living skills in the morning at 8:30 a.m. so I need to head off to bed and set my alarm clock tonight. No more TV tonight and I am going to bed in my bedroom tonight. I do need to sleep in my bedroom and NOT ON THE COUCH/FUTON!

GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS!

Some Thoughts

I do have to admit one thing…now…I just got off the phone with my caseworker MM at IDS and we were talking about some things of importance like upcoming appointments in 2011, and what I should be doing before the week is out. Another thing we talked about was making plans for the upcoming New Year weekend. I felt MM was nagging me about making plans with someone over the weekend and in reality, I am not sure at the moment if I do want to make any plans. I do enjoy being alone at times and it has been that way since I have been back from my Thanksgiving trip/vacation in New Mexico. MM thinks that I am retreating back in my own little world of loneliness but that is NOT true. I hate loneliness!! I was not invited to celebrate the holidays with anyone this year and I would NEVER refuse an invitation unless it was an invite by someone I have deemed I walked away from in the past several months to two years ago or so now. I had an awesome Christmas weekend here at home and I did have a Christmas dinner plate from my neighbor and friend LG come my way. I was not totally alone anyway. Honestly…having such a conversation with MM today was one … am I in denial??
I Am Okay

I will be okay. I am just blowing off some steam right now – venting and putting my mind in perspective at the moment.

My Day. My Afternoon, My Evening

My Day

My day has been awesome!! I had my shower and got into comfy clothing. KH left and headed to her next client while I watched recorded TV shows on my DVR cable box, read more of my Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets book, and have been playing games online on my FB page.

My Afternoon

My afternoon has been very quiet for the most part. Bing Crosby the cat has been napping in one of most favorite napping spots (one of the kitchen table chairs in the kitchen, lol)… I have heard tenants out in the lobby and nearby the office throughout the afternoon as well as walking past my apartment door while walking down the hallway. I live right across from the community room but never hear anything from inside. The tenant above me has been walking about her place a little more noisy than usual lately and today I have heard her about up there as well as dropping things from time to time, and her cat running from one side to the other across my ceiling and their floor. My upstairs neighbor has been more noisy lately since a certain neighbor has moved back into the building several weeks ago. Otherwise my afternoon here at home – my home – has been very quiet for the most part. I am one of the quiet neighbors anyway,

My Evening

I can not argue about my evening … quietness has settled in for the night and I am thinking of retiring to bed early this evening. No plans to stay up late tonight like I have been all weekend long. The weekend is finally over and a new week has begun … and it is going to take time for some people to recover from the Christmas holiday. Even me. I am having a very nice evening. No interruptions…no planned interruptions that is.

Tomorrow…

I have no major plans for tomorrow except for my daily living skills at 8:30 a.m. with LB in the morning. No more appointments this year for me so this week will be laid back a bit and coming January 1, 2011, doctor appointments, counseling appointments, and med checks will resume once more. I am going to take and play this week by ear and go with the flow of things as they come. This coming weekend brings on January 1, 2011 on Saturday and Friday is New Year’s Eve so my blister packed medications will come either tomorrow or Wednesday to meet the deadline of delivery. After LB leaves tomorrow, I will left to my own desires of things so I will be watching more TV, reading more Harry Potter, and playing games online at my FB page throughout the day. I am going to have a quiet week this week and make some important, needed calls. I know I live a life different from other, many people in today’s world. I will write more tomorrow.

Good Night and God bless

I am heading off for the night and so I will say good night and God bless now. It has been a wonderful, marvelous Monday for me, and I am glad that the Christmas holiday is over for the year. I am no longer anxious or feel down or depressed … was never depressed actually when MM thinks I am resorting to shutting myself in and nagging me to have face to face contact with other people for the following weekend at this time, I am just in the mood to be alone which is to me different from being lonely. Okay…I better stop rambling, lol.

I am thinking about 2011 and what I can do to change more I definitely do not want to be changing for the wrong reasons, either. I hope I am NOT falling into depression now after so many months and weeks of not being unhappy. I do agree that my world has had its ups and downs the past several weeks of my life but I am going to make the best of everything I have in my world now. Maybe I am dealing with some holiday baa humbug stuff right now but I believe that it will pass like everything else!!!