I do have to admit one thing…now…I just got off the phone with my caseworker MM at IDS and we were talking about some things of importance like upcoming appointments in 2011, and what I should be doing before the week is out. Another thing we talked about was making plans for the upcoming New Year weekend. I felt MM was nagging me about making plans with someone over the weekend and in reality, I am not sure at the moment if I do want to make any plans. I do enjoy being alone at times and it has been that way since I have been back from my Thanksgiving trip/vacation in New Mexico. MM thinks that I am retreating back in my own little world of loneliness but that is NOT true. I hate loneliness!! I was not invited to celebrate the holidays with anyone this year and I would NEVER refuse an invitation unless it was an invite by someone I have deemed I walked away from in the past several months to two years ago or so now. I had an awesome Christmas weekend here at home and I did have a Christmas dinner plate from my neighbor and friend LG come my way. I was not totally alone anyway. Honestly…having such a conversation with MM today was one … am I in denial??
I Am Okay
I will be okay. I am just blowing off some steam right now – venting and putting my mind in perspective at the moment.
My Day. My Afternoon, My Evening
My day has been awesome!! I had my shower and got into comfy clothing. KH left and headed to her next client while I watched recorded TV shows on my DVR cable box, read more of my Harry Potter: The Chamber of Secrets book, and have been playing games online on my FB page.
My afternoon has been very quiet for the most part. Bing Crosby the cat has been napping in one of most favorite napping spots (one of the kitchen table chairs in the kitchen, lol)… I have heard tenants out in the lobby and nearby the office throughout the afternoon as well as walking past my apartment door while walking down the hallway. I live right across from the community room but never hear anything from inside. The tenant above me has been walking about her place a little more noisy than usual lately and today I have heard her about up there as well as dropping things from time to time, and her cat running from one side to the other across my ceiling and their floor. My upstairs neighbor has been more noisy lately since a certain neighbor has moved back into the building several weeks ago. Otherwise my afternoon here at home – my home – has been very quiet for the most part. I am one of the quiet neighbors anyway,
I can not argue about my evening … quietness has settled in for the night and I am thinking of retiring to bed early this evening. No plans to stay up late tonight like I have been all weekend long. The weekend is finally over and a new week has begun … and it is going to take time for some people to recover from the Christmas holiday. Even me. I am having a very nice evening. No interruptions…no planned interruptions that is.
I have no major plans for tomorrow except for my daily living skills at 8:30 a.m. with LB in the morning. No more appointments this year for me so this week will be laid back a bit and coming January 1, 2011, doctor appointments, counseling appointments, and med checks will resume once more. I am going to take and play this week by ear and go with the flow of things as they come. This coming weekend brings on January 1, 2011 on Saturday and Friday is New Year’s Eve so my blister packed medications will come either tomorrow or Wednesday to meet the deadline of delivery. After LB leaves tomorrow, I will left to my own desires of things so I will be watching more TV, reading more Harry Potter, and playing games online at my FB page throughout the day. I am going to have a quiet week this week and make some important, needed calls. I know I live a life different from other, many people in today’s world. I will write more tomorrow.
Good Night and God bless
I am heading off for the night and so I will say good night and God bless now. It has been a wonderful, marvelous Monday for me, and I am glad that the Christmas holiday is over for the year. I am no longer anxious or feel down or depressed … was never depressed actually when MM thinks I am resorting to shutting myself in and nagging me to have face to face contact with other people for the following weekend at this time, I am just in the mood to be alone which is to me different from being lonely. Okay…I better stop rambling, lol.
I am thinking about 2011 and what I can do to change more I definitely do not want to be changing for the wrong reasons, either. I hope I am NOT falling into depression now after so many months and weeks of not being unhappy. I do agree that my world has had its ups and downs the past several weeks of my life but I am going to make the best of everything I have in my world now. Maybe I am dealing with some holiday baa humbug stuff right now but I believe that it will pass like everything else!!!