I thought I would have only written once today but as I was working on facebook, I realized that I had been thinking about something that has been pressing on my mind for the longest time. The thought I had on my mind for the longest time are recalled incidents that have occurred in the family for so long. At one point I personally enjoyed the idea of my brother getting married and having children to care for – knowing that he would be a good father like our own father had been for 44 to 45 years — but now my thoughts have shifted to something of the opposite. I am getting sick and tired of being called things I am not or even given the chance to change but that never happened in the past ten years. Now I am beginning to wonder and feel that there are more problems in families in general now then there ever was — including my own family having issues that need to be looked at with professional eyes, ears, and mouths. Does that sound horrible? Even two years ago I have been feeling tensions that have yet not quit. There is one thing I am very certain about that my father is not going to lose me or my younger sister like he lost his son. Do I feel sorry for any of my family members with issues and illnesses? Yes and no and I do not have to explain why … I do not even know why yet. I do not even know why this last minute thought has even popped up in the last few minutes, either. I am not stupid or dumb and I know when I have been snowballed and lied to…as well as knowing when i have been loved or not.