WOW! August is about to leave us and September is creeping on in. Today was a good day even though I did not get to sleep until after 4 a.m. this morning duje to the heat, not feeling that good, and I did sleep the entire morning away. I even slept part of the afternoon away after my mom called during the time I was on another phone call. I was tired and I did not sleep good the night before, Friday night, either…or Saturday night, but kept going at it anyway. My legs felt like rubber when I got up to walk from one place to another in my apartment today because of the fact that I did not get to sleep until way after midnight this morning, and I did not like the feel of my legs feeling weak but I trudged along anyway without my cane for the most part until I took my evening medicines. I will be retiring to bed for the night shortly. I am still worn out for some reason. Oh well, that is the way it goes.
My phone did not ring much today and that is a good thing. Someone did call my cell phone earlier this evening but I did not hear it because I was sleeping and answering it was impossible. I know who called but she did not leave a message so I guess she decided not to leave a message and bother me tonight knowing that I might have been sleeping anyway. This person, if she left a message, she would left one if it was important. I did not go to church today. That was canceled yesterday morning when I was waiting for my ride for church. At that time I know that watching Bear would have been a late night for me anyway and I would not have had the strength to go to church and stay awake if I did even get to sleep by 1 a.m. in the morning, which it didn’t of course, lol.
Today was a fairly good day. Tomorrow, even though it is going to be Labor Day, I will be laboring, lol. I will be cleaning for my living skills coordinator who is coming Tuesday and I will have company Tuesday morning after LB leaves. Gotta run now, it is late. Good night everyone!
With a little bit of emotion still playing a little part of the week, I do have to admit that today was a better day for me. I was able to get away from the building for a while and attend church this morning and be with other members of my church. The sermon was given by a gentleman I have gotten to know very well in the past nine years now and I called him and his wife Papa and Mama. They are wonderful people. Mama just celebrated her 76th birthday and Papa is not young anymore either. Papa is a miracle himself, too, actually. I would have to tell a story about him later but tonight I can’t, I am getting tired. I am watching my neighbor’s dog Bear tonight and he is being such a good boy and his master will be home shortly from seeing Billy Ray Cyrus. Bear is definitely ready to see his master. It has been a long evening for him that’s for sure, but he has been a good pup the entire time.He and Bing are sleeping – Bing on the recliner and Bear on the floor against the recliner. What a pair they have been today .. that’s for sure!
Today I have been so looking forward to having Bear over for the afternoon and part of the evening while his master went out of town for a while. He is such a joy in my life and a big help on getting a lot of my strength back from losing some strength from taking Zocor for three years.
I really can not describe today at this time because it was one of those days that I can definitely share the fact that I was very happy one minute and then the next minute my heart felt like it was caught in a vice after a certain fiasco happened yesterday afternoon while I was doing my best to discuss the newsletter with the management and get it ready to be printed and put out for the tenants. Honestly, I didn’t see what was going on but I surely heard it and believe it or not, I was at the wrong place at the wrong time having to hear te fiasco going on in the lobby. Actually, after leaving the office I was not very happy … I was mad and only mad for a little while. I just do not know what to think when it comes to such drama anymore except stay out and away which I have been doing. I just wish that this week — the five day week before the weekend — was better than it turned out. It was a shocking, happy, weird, and amazing week all in one and I have not really experienced such a week as that before … until now … and I cannot say I have not experienced such a week as this one. I hope tomorrow is a better day for me. I will be watching my neighbor/friend’s dog/puppy Bear tomorrow evening for a while so my friend and her family can go to see Billy Ray Cyrus in Elkorn … I think in Elkorn, Wisconsin anyway, lol. Well, on to another day soon. Good night.
I am looking forward to Friday coming so I can enjoy a weekend of spiritual enlightening, taking care of my friend/neighbor’s dog Bear, Bible study and reading, and other fine things of life. The reason I am saying “what a week it has been and it is not yet Friday! because of the fact that Monday I had a fairly nice day and it was a good day for me, but for the rest of the week, it has been an emotional week for me because I had heard some news that has been shocking since Tuesday. At this time I am still have not cried over the fact that our onsite manager of our building is resigning but I am guessing that I have not yet cried over the shocking news is because I know they are my true friends and I will be able to keep in contact with them after they leave here and we end up getting new management in the near future. I am not the greatest person when it comes to changes in my life because change and I have not learned to work together while growing up whether the change seemed drastic or not. I am still working on accepting change better — drastic or not — and it does seem to fall into place much more quickly in my world. I have no idea if it is because of the fact that I am more spiritually inclined in my life or I am walking a more positive path leaving negativity behind.
With this week the way it has been lately, I do have to admit that I am a little niffed to some degree. I really can not explain in a way that may be understood but I am going to give it a shot. To put it in a short sense, I hate liars. I have experienced lies around me in my positive world the lies stuck out like a sore thumb according to my book of life. I am so glad that I am only friendly with one particular person and yet still love her but not like I once did two years ago when we had our first falling out. I am also very happy that this person has found someone who she loves and care about and spends her time with, but her lies stuck out like a sore thumb this past week…read flags shot right up and I could not even pretend I did not get those red flags. I do know that I have to take care of myself and not worry about other people and their problems or issues if they do not pertain to me, and I am not involved with situations like I once was because of the fact that I am the type of person who wants to help others deal with their problems or issues. I do not think I am even making any sense … probably so because I am getting tired and it’s late as usual, lol. Maybe I will make sense of what I said tomorrow when I am more awake. I will say this, though. I hate liars and I also hate people who believe in lies being told by the liar. It makes me cry and so sick in the heart…especially when people profess to be Christians and lovers of God and his begotten son, Jesus. I will elaborate more tomorrow, Friday when I have time during the day after I get done with some running around the building and get ready for my weekend.
I am going to say good night and God bless for now.
I am somewhat moody today … have been for the past couple of days … since yesterday afternoon to be exact. I learned, yesterday afternoon, that our onsite manager stated that she is quitting, and that was a shock to me and I am in shock still. I grew to really liking the manager very much, too, so I feel that my heart was ripped out of my body and stomped on. At least that is how I feel at the moment about the place I live in. I don’t know who to trust anymore in here so I am keeping to myself and I know who my true friends are and I do believe that the two people who are planning on leaving are my true friends. It is the tenants who live in here are the people I do not know who to trust and that is a scary feeling. I had spoken to my case worker today and she had told me nothing but the truth that I have to take care of me and whatever is going on with the management right now is not my problem and that it does not pertain to me, and that she knows that I am hurting inside. What my case worker had told me today was nothing but the truth and it did feel like a little slap across the face but it did not hurt. I did not cry because the words hurt me or anything even though I was upset about the idea of our management quitting. I think I am still in some shock because the tears have not really spilled yet, so I am beginning to wonder if I am going to ever cry about the loss or am I am getting sronger in my emotions to be able to deal with change again? I will find out sooner or later in my own little world.
Oh please…I am not asking for sympathy or anything … another day to kind of get my thoughts out in the open so please do not feel sorry for me at all here. Don’t want it. I have already kind of wallowed in my own self to some point here the past 24 hours or so now and I have had enough self pity. I hate wallowing in it. It stinks so much that I can not even stand wallowing in my own self pity. I know who my true friends are in this world and that is all that matters to me right now. Any wallowing I do is my wallowing. It is a party that no one will come to anyway.
Once again we are at a time of change again here where I live. I may not accept change all that well if it is too quick but I feel I am getting better at accepting changes in my life to better my health in a sense of comfort, safety, and routine and I have a nice routine going for me now for the past few weeks in my life. I have to take care of myself and myself alone with God at my side walking with me.
As for now I am going to go. Good night.
Yep, was busy for the entire day today — unlike the weekend where i was away. I was busy at home from 8 a.m. – 5 p.m.. and ended up chilling and napping in my bedroom from 6 p.m. – 10 p.m. to rest up, and then get up for awhile and bedtime will be returned shortly. My “living skills trainer” came by today around 8:15 a.m., we ran a couple of errands, came back here and did a little bit of cleaning. She was impressed that the monitor and one keyboard and speakers were out of my front closet, lol, and that she did not have to take the items to Goodwill or Salvation Army today. I saved her that trouble yesterday when my friends RB and her husband dropped by yesterday afternoon for a few minutes to chat and see me — without the feeling of coming and leaving again in minutes. RB and JB stayed for about an hour at least visiting and enjoying themselves, yesterday. After LB left — my cleaning lady — I had gone downstairs for a while, and then my Bible study came at 2 p.m.. and then at 3 p.m. I did a load of laundry until almost 5 p.m., and folded my clothes and brought everything up. I was bushed and tired by that time — no wonder I slept from 6 to 10 p.m.. I was not planning on sleeping that LONG, lol, but I did I guess. Nothing gets past me too much I see…lol. It’s going on 12 midnight now and I will retiring back to bed shortly but that 4 hour nap did me in a little bit giving me the rest I needed after being on the go for the past three days or so since Saturday morning. I was tired yesterday and took the day and was lazy all day long. Anyway, I felt today was a “Bustin’ Tuesday” for me. My legs wanted to tell me different but I busted butt anyway, More tomorrow!
Today was a very good day. In a half an hour it will be 12 midnight here but time does not have a place here very much now-a-days. I am on the computer as often as I can and whenever possible and it is everyday but there are days I am not wanting to be online or even be on the computer but these days I have the same routine that I have had in the past few weeks now set. Sometimes I scare myself when I do not quite follow my routine but I am not allowing myself to scare so easily if my daily routine is tweaked even the slightest bit as much anymore. I am, at this point, saving up for things to be really afraid of in life. I am working on not sweating the small stuff. It is not easy for me, that’s for sure but I have been told I am making strides to taking care of me and letting things ride off my shoulders more. I am even being a wisecrack when a wisecrack is being made to me because I am learning not to take things personally. This does not have anything to do with the fact of what was written in my need to vent post aa couple of days ago. I am speaking in general The other day, apologizing to DarrenLee, an example of being human in misunderstanding is only the beginning of growing fonder with oneself and getting to know myself. It is NOT easy being me, that’s for sure.
Anyway, getting back to today, I do have to admit hat today was a fairly nice day … a day I did not half expect really. My friend RB and her husband JB dropped by for awhile this afternoon to pick up a couple of things and visit for a while then they left. Their visit was expected but the rest of the day was somewhat not expected. Bing and I were lazy until 12 noon or so. We just snuggled and cuddled and napped the morning away. That was unexpected, lol. I was planning on getting up early and cleaning but that didn’t really happen until later in the afternoon, closer to the evening and supper or dinner as many people would call their evening meal. It was a nice day, though!
My Sunday was a wonderful Sunday. I do go to church today and after church, went to the burger bash that was being held in a nearby town at a park across from Milton High School. It was a beautiful day at the park for the burger bash. Many people showed up and eat some real good burgers and brats and hot dogs. I myself had one brat and one hamburger without a bun, some potato chips, orange koolaid from McDonald’s, pickle relish, and a few pickles. I was full by the time my plate was emptied so I did not go hog wild on anymore food even though the temptation was definitely there all afternoon long. A group of us went to the burger bash in the church van so we stayed for the most part of the burger bash and didn’t return home until 3:30 p.m. this afternoon. If I was not worried about who was taking me to the burger bash I would have stayed for the duration of the entire afternoon but didn’t because I do not drive myself. I do drive myself, but I do not drive a vehicle…I drive myself crazy all the time, lol. Anyway, it was a good Sunday and I am glad kt was my Sunday with friends and my church family I love dearly. This is my world, my place, my time.
After getting home, I was glad to be getting home and relax a bit. As a matter of fact, I really felt drained and ready for bed already …. getting up this morning was difficult but I did it and went to church to be with friends and get some enlightenment of a sermon. Yesterday’s sermon seemed to have touched my heart in a way I can not explain, and today’s sermon did the very same thing. This was my weekend to hear some very important words and now I have to take the time to put my thoughts in perspective and get the thoughts down on paper. I will do that tomorrow sometime. I am so glad I returned to church this weekend. It was my weekend … that’s for sure.
As for the rest of my thoughts … I do have to admit that my feeling of go go go was there all weekend long, and I did not have to go, stop and think, and go again feeling for once in a long time. My legs did feel their weakness play a little bit but I did not allow it to bother me so much and went on the go anyway. As I sit and think about what my weekend was all about, part of it was to get that go go go feeling back again.
When it comes to religion, politics, and sex, I have found these three topics hard to discuss growing up, in school during difficult times, and even today even though classes did require o discuss those topics in some and few classes. When it comes to my religion preferences or anyone’s religion preference, I will not go into a debate with anyone because it just ends up being a discussion of a lost battle in my book. I believe in God and God believes in me, and when I go to church should be no one’s business but my own. Yes, I did go to church this morning and I plan on going to church tomorrow as well so I can be among friends and family who are in my inner circle. I do not know who this DarrenLee is who commented on my diary tonight and I feel that he is attacking my beliefs in religion which I feel is stupid, childish, and nutty, and want him or her to please leave me alone and I will leave him or her alone along the way. I do not need the negativity of one’s beliefs of when we can go to church and to be very honest with you, if church services were everyday, I would be going to church services everyday! So be it! My life in religion is my own business and IF I want to share my thoughts on what I have learned from a sermon, whatever day it is, I will share it with the world if I want to. This is my place, my very special place, and I can and will write anything here within reason and vent my thoughts if need be. My world is my world and I will share it with anyone who cares to read my thoughts of the day. I have the right to vent and I have the right to be here just like everyone else. My place is my place and I will NOT allow anymore negativity in my home or in my personal life as much as I can along the way. I am a human being who makes mistakes like everyone else. My life is mine and mine alone. I got this far in life and I am going to go as far as I can go in my life until the day I go. My world is my world and negativity is out for good no matter what I fight to get it out. I have a life to live in a healthy manner and that is the way it is going to be, and I am not going to allow one person to dampen my hopes, dreams, and moments ever again. I sometimes have to tell like it is and leave it at that and go on with my life. Now my venting is done and I am NOT leaving Dear Diary! Dear Diary is my home!
I went to church this morning and the service was in one of our city parks today. A beautiful day it turned out to be for the church service outdoors. After the service we had potluck and time to chat with other members, and then a friend’s brother brought me home where I changed into something a little more comfortable and relaxed in the bedroom for a little bit with Bing, and then spent the rest of the afternoon in the living room watching recorded programs such as Law and Order, even though I have seen practically all of them by now in reruns since I began watching the program thanks to my mother who got me hooked on the program, lol. I even took a little nap on the bed with Bing either beside me or in the same room nearby like he is right now — just across the room napping on the bed while I am writing this entry. No jumping up here on the desk yet today, lol. As a matter of fact, it was two hours ago I got online to do my after Sabbath fun stuff anyway. I will retiring to bed for the night here in a few minutes so I can get up and ready to go to church in the morning again and then spend lunch at another park for a burger bash. Today was a good day all day long. Tomorrow will prove to be the same I gather, a good day all day long. I guess I will find out.
Tomorrow then? See you!