Venting

Okay, here it goes. Venting is one of my favorite things to do from time to time when the need arises. Anyway, today has been a fairly good day but I do have to admit that it was kind of boring and this rainy and stormy weather has gotten me down a bit. Not much really happened today except I did get online for a while on my IMac and here on my laptop as well, but the weather has been iffy. We are flooded out in some places in Janesville now because the river crested about two weeks ago and the flooding has done its damage and disappointing. I have not been affected by the flooding much really because of where I live but I do know people who have a place by the flooding waters. I am at the point where I just do not leave my apartment much anymore because of the bull shit that is playing at Teamster Manor these days, and I do not visit many people anymore. I have new friends now and they are very important to me. I have not really spoken to some people in a long time either because of the fact that i feel there is no common ground between us anymore. After this past Tuesday’s fiasco on the telephone, I have been riding the guilt trip train with this one person for so long I have had it and I believe our friendship has taken on a standstill once more. It is like that in my eyes anyway. I am frustrated and need to live my life away from all the negativity and bull shit that is plaguing this place I live in on a daily basis. I even thought that a neighbor seemed cold to me today and it broke my heart. I do not like what this neighbor’s daughter said to me a couple of weeks ago still and I wish NEVER to see this neighbor’s daughter ever again for as long as I live in the same building as this neighbor. Some people have to grow up and realize that I have been in my apartment a lot more lately and since December been keeping things to myself a little more. Trekking to a neighbor’s house is not the same anymore because always I have been talked about and that really hurts … really hurts … I am human being with a heart that I wear on my sleeve because I have grown up to respect my elders, even though I do not feel I have been respected myself a lot lately … in the past few weeks. The past few weeks have been an up and down situation and I am being treated for it more so now than I have noticed in the past in the last few months. Life sucks sometimes but I am still here living my life to the best of my abilities, needs, and wants, and everything a human being could ever have in her life. I love where I live, but some of the people around here are just babies and big ones too. This place is not Teamster Manor Apartments! It’s Teamster Nursery School.

July 2

Another day has come and is soon to leave us. I was planning on being online earlier but we are having some rainy weather here now and lately it has been raining lots and storming little. I have heard and seen it is supposed to be bad weather all day today but we still have not had foul weather as bad as it was supposed to me. Those weathermen know what they are seeing but I guess God changes plans on them just as quickly. We did have some thunder and lightning earlier but not as bad as I thought but did have my computers (laptop and IMac not plugged in or being used. I was using the IMac when the thunderclap was heard and that while I was trying to write a journal entry earlier in the afternoon/early evening. Anyway, today has been a fairly good day. Bored to he bone though. Okay otherwise.

I watched the movie titled “The Others”. It was a good movie but I was stumped throughout the movie and could not make out what the movie was about until towards the end where I was stumped further until I realized that the movie was about three dead people in this big house where intruders were in their home. The home was apparently haunted and the mother in the movie did not know that she was the hauntee…not the haunted. She was dead. She had smothered her two children and shot herself, and three strangers came to help them who were also dead. It was a good movie but I will have to see it again to get a better understanding of he movie. I think I have misunderstood it.

Right now I am on my laptop in my bedroom. It is different from my IMac that I am now used to and wish that my laptop was of the Apple brand computer but I still like my laptop and will use it from time to time, My IMac is a permanment fixture in the living room while I have made my laptop a permanent fixture right here in my bedroom. I have been sleeping in my bedroom every night lately and have enjoyed the atmosphere very much, and today was one of those days that leaving my bedroom was hard to do but did to watch a movie that I had recorded last week. I am still watching recorded programs on television during the week and that is about it. I have also been keeping to my ritual of retiring to bed for the night at 9 p.m. unless I have company over or ip – depending on where my company is coming from, and doing my reading, my personal writing, playing Wheel of Fortune, doing my crossword puzzles, and or taking a nap. This afternoon, because I was tired, fell asleep watching one of my Law and Order shows I had recorded yesterday but as 8 p.m. rolled around, I retired early to my bedroom bringing in Bing Crosby but now has disappeared to his own place in the apartment somewhere. What a cat. Anyway, I still love my laptop but rarely use it now. I do not know why other than I am used to my IMac now, but that is me, all of me.

Well, tonight, which was bound to happen sooner or later, my cap fell out of its place while eating a bowl of ice cream. It feels weird right now but I am getting used to it fast. Don’t have the money to go to the dentist right to have it repaired or replaced. Did not lose the cap or anything but almost swallowed it … would have been worse if I swallowed it! I am okay otherwise. Will keep an eye on the spot for now. I have hardly any tooth in there now. It is a dead zone anyway. Otherwise I am okay, I swear.

Well, tomorrow I have an appointment to see my psychiatrist. My caseworker is going to be with me on this visit. I am looking forward to this appointment for some reason and I can not or have any reason to explain myself at the moment. I do like Dr. C. I will be seeing him tomorrow. Also, tomorrow is my 38th birthday and I have no plans to celebrate at the moment. So tomorrow is going to be fairly quiet … I think … I hope. I am going to let the day come and go as it pleases and what is planned is planned. Otherwise no plans have been made officially. I am getting too old to celebrate now-a-days, lol. Don’t believe me on this one. LOL

Time is going by fast tonight…probably because I am tired and ready for bed. I think I will go for now and come back tomorrow if weather permits or allows me to do so. Gotta run for now anyway. Good night everyone!!!