I thought. before retiring for the night, which brings another night of sleeplessness to some point, that I would like to say that I know that this week has been a difficult week for me and I have done a lot of bitching and complaining but this week has definitely been a rough, not so pleasant week for me, and I do not know what to say except what is running in my head over and over again. What happened this week has reminded me of who I can trust and who I cannot trust, and my wants to disassociate with some people has definitely become something that really tugs at my ol’ heartstrings. I do not know who to trust anymore when it comes to venting or talking to someone so I am learning quickly that it is best to keep my mouth shut. Even though I keep my mouth shut, no one can shut off my brain and what it inputs and outputs, and what my intentions are in some respect. In this past week, as hard as it may seem right now, I have learned that my trust in a couple of people has been, what I would say, misplaced, according to my mind that has been dealing with anxiety and depression. What happened this week was not a pleasant experience for me, and believe me, my heart aches at the thought of walking away from more people who I once trusted. Now, unfortunately, I can only trust a certain two people in my life right now that live here in the building I do. I am lost and hurt. and definitely confused. On May 15 I will be walking down a new road of my life in this emotional world I live. I may say that my apartment does not feel like a home to me today and I want to move, but my thoughts can change again a few days, but I have a feeling it is going to take a little longer this time around. I will see what June will bring first.
Today was one of those days that the phone disinterested me so the call that came into my home I did not answer it for personal reason that I did not want to talk to anyone or the person calling me. I did not make any phone calls out at all today and did not want anyone bothering me over the phone at all. The phone rang only once along with the cell phone but I did not answer the phone. The phone was of no interest to me today. Yes, I am in one of my moods today and this evening. With time being 45 minutes away from midnight, my day today has been quiet otherwise. Bing and I cuddled and played together, talked to one another, and he did not leave my sight except for an hour when he decided to sleep in the bedroom on the futon during a cat nap. After about an hour or so, Bing came out of the bedroom and ate some supper and then laid on one of the kitchen chairs under the kitchen table. He made sure I saw him and heard him.
On top of my day being one of those days I did not want nothing to do with my phone, in or out calls, my back still feels a little stiff and sore as if I slept on it run or something — probably gotten up wrong while trampsing to the bathroom to take a bath or while I was trying to get out of the bath tub after bathing, I had slipped while trying to get out and I made a big splash and slid a little. My back is not as sore as it was earlier this afternoon since I took the time to lay on it to stop the spasms of my lower back Even Bing tried to help but failed poor kitty. I will be okay in a couple of days anyway. Bing does his best in helping me.
Today, along with my day being for me and Bing, I decided to watch some television programs that I recorded earlier in the week and got through several programs. I even got through CSI Miami, Law & Order: CI, SVU, and Law and Order. It has come to the time that the programs are now oat that season’s end so I am going to be watching those shows next week sometime. Right now, at 11:26 p.m., CSI: Miami is one and I am listening to it since my television is behind me. I love that show! I even watched a couple of movies, or at least tried to, but stopped and deleted them due to the content the movies had. I tried to watch Thirteen but it turned out to be a program that I lost interest in after seeing Jeremy Sisto and Vanessa Ann Hudgens. I like Vanessa in High School Musical and HSM 2 better. I found it strange with Jeremy Sisto and VAH in the movie so I stopped and deleted it immediately. I am pretty much caught up on my programs for this week. Tomorrow begins a new week.
With this week not being the greatest and most emotional week I have had in a long time, I am reminded of how last week was as well. This apartment is still not my home. The tenants who live here today are no longer my neighbors. No neighbor is to be trusted anymore and so I am setting myself apart from everyone else who live here except for two certain people and their beloved pup. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for a long time and this has been its worst.