An Emotional Time

Without getting into any details, which I prefer not to get into, I do have to admit that I have been dealing with a very negative emotion. Yesterday was not a good day at all for me and coming to find out that yesterday was not a good day for some other people in my life as well. My kitchen sink clogged again over the weekend, on Sunday night while my friend RB was doing the dishes after making supper, so the plumber came by yesterday to take care of the clog to find out that there was grease in the pipes AGAIN! I was very upset because of the clog happening again after so many weeks of having a clog in the same sink several weeks ago because I thought I was being careful but not careful enough. I was angry at the idea that the way something was said to me that I thought people were pointing a accusatory finger at me and along in the same conversation if the clog happens again, I will end up having to the pay the plumber. The clog was not my fault and I felt that they were saying it was my fault and I did ask the onsite manager if she was pointing a accusatory finger at me, which I found out she wasn’t. Just yesterday was not my day, and my not so good day yesterday turned into a strange day for me today. I was up all night last night having a breakdown with tears of frustration, anger, and major disappointment of my apartment here did not even feel like my home anymore, and I have had the feeling that this apartment has not been my home before, and again it feels that way even right now. I finally fell asleep after 5 a.m. to the sound of my television on, which has been on all night long for comfort and noise, but I did not feel comforted and the noise sounded horrible. I was not the only one who had a breakdown yesterday and I felt pretty guilty for the other person who had a breakdown too.

With my apartment not feeling like my home, AGAIN, I do have to admit that my feeling of trust with some certain people has been compromised and some people will have to earn their trust again/. A potluck was scheduled for tonight at 5 p.m. but I decided not to attend the potluck having this feeling that something unpleasant was going to happen and I was not going to be a part of the unpleasantness. Going downstairs to see about my mail before noon upset me enough because of my breakdown yesterday afternoon. I was hurt, mad, angry, pissed, and downright ashamed of even living here this morning. I do not know how many times I have thought about moving out of this building and not giving this place a second glance. The thought has crossed my mind several times in the past 24 hours since yesterday afternoon before 5 p.m.. The tenants around here have nothing better to do but to bitch and complain about the littlest stuff and leave other tenants alone. I have enough problems with my next door neighbor coming to my door complaining about another tenant which makes me mad and hurt. I want people to get along. I have a new neighbor below me now and I know when he comes and goes but he does not make noise after 10 p.m. and I have a feeling that he is very rough with his things the way he drops them when moving things around. His noise vibrates my floor and walls which makes pictures fall from their hanging position all the time now. I am doing my best at giving him the benefit of the doubt since he just moved in but I never heard so much noise in one day with anyone like him before. When my back hurts and I am laying on my bed to prevent my back from hurting worse is the only time I really bitch and moan about it. The neighbor is a nice man though. That is why I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for the time being.

Last Tuesday and Wednesday I job shadowed a couple of people in the field of accounting and really enjoyed myself but when Wednesday hit, i began to not feel well and had an urine analysis done due to the fact of having a possible UTI, and on Thursday I was put on an antibiotic for the UTI but I still felt like crap Saturday and Sunday, and learned on Sunday that my urine analysis was contaminated and the anger flew out of me at that point, so on Monday I had another urine analysis done to get it checked out. No UTI thankfully but I still felt horrible. My friend CD and I had enjoyed each other’s company for the afternoon and early evening and by the time we returned and 9 p.m. rolled around, we were pooped big time, and I felt asleep in good time after CD left for the night. CD came back the next day for a few hours and literally saw me going into a breakdown.

It has been one set of emotions after another.