April 28, 2008

Not much is going on right now. It is a few minutes before 10 p.m. Monday night and in twelve hours I will be at my first job shadow experience in Beloit, Wisconsin for three hours. Earlier tonight I got a phone call from my surrogate mother NMS informing me that a church member passed away yesterday which made my heart ache and it still is aching. RK was an awesome fellow and I liked him a lot. No funeral arrangements at this time – it was just a death notice – a small notice in today’s paper. May RK’s family be comforted at this time during their grieving and loss. God really loved RK, and God does love RK’s boys, wife, and family. I just do not know what to say except that RK had been battling cancer for a while and I had hoped that his cancer would have been in remission forever. Phooey! Then haring about Aussiedeafman’s mother not going to make it made my heart ache even more so because I had only hoped that his mother would be ok. I do believe that Aussiedeafman’s mother fought a fine battle as frail as she had gotten. Death, at this time and because I am getting older, surrounds me from every direction no matter what I do or say, or go. I guess the older we get, the more we see some things in life that may not always be pleasant. Speaking of things not being pleasant at the moment, I have been having bad dreams about my upcoming graduation ceremony in MIlwaukee and those dreams, bad as they are, are getting pretty frustrating. I have also been waking up forgetting where I am at for a few minutes as if jolted awake from some dream that I do not remember or it is a dream of my graduation or something worse than that. I have not been eating anything different or have changed the time of my eating or my eating habits so I have absolutely no idea what I have been waking up in the middle of the night so abruptly. It has been going on for a few days now. Recently, since last week actually, I have been asleep by now and ready to get up for my day by 4 or 5 a.m. in the morning or just wide awake because I have been going to bed between 7 – 10 p.m.. Not tonight though. It is going on 10 p.m. in a couple of minutes now. So I have no idea what is going on. I have also been waking up, dreading the phone ringing being HE calling me and waking up to that dread has gotten my feathers rustled enough. Even this weekend a new neighbor has been moving in and he made tons of noise that just drove me crazy because my back was having spasms real bad which made me even more cranky by Sunday afternoon because every jump that my body made when the new neighbor dropped his belongings in his apartment hurt my back. Please excuse me for complaining but when I jumped, it made my back spasm real bad and it hurt bad enough even though I know the new neighbor is just moving in. I hope he is not rough with his belongings. Right now my back is having some spasms on the left side, lower portion of the back, ouch! I will be okay.