Do ever get that feeling that you just want to run away from everything and come back to it whenever the timing is right? I am having one of those days today and I am feeling like running and running and never stopping today. My paranoia is getting to me a lot today thinking that the entire world is mad at me for some reason. Tears have wanted to be shed and expressed but words are not the easiest for me to verbally say so here I am writing an entry saying that I am somewhat paranoid today. I hate paranoia and I know that the world is not mad at me but when that feeling comes into play in my life, there is nothing I can say about it really. I hate being paranoid. I wish that emotion did not even exist. I hate to see people I care about as well be in emotional pain as that grabs the ol’ heart of mine hard and I can feel the emotional pain even though I do not know what the cause of the emotional pain is. When I get paranoid my feelings for someone or a group of people is so different that hiding away from people is the best thing for me and I just need my space sometimes, but this paranoia is being licked to death whether I like it or not. I won’t have it and it is one helluva of a fight to win, I tell ya. It just seems that I am beat at the end but next time I have paranoia, I am going to hit it head on and beat it and not allow it to beat me next time. Wish me luck on that one. Go away paranoia! You are not wanted and you are not going to beat me again, no way. I have a lot to look forward to and I have a life that is in the making even today even though I have spent the last 37 years living my life and doing my best to improve it. I have walked away from some people to get away from the negativity and the people I have in my life are positive people I wish to be around to continue to grow.
I did not get back yesterday because after crafts I had to shut down the computer for the rest of the day and the entire night because we had thunderstorms and I do not like to have my computer up and running or even plugged in. This morning I was able to get online for a little while and had to shut down my computer again because another thunderstorm came through. I’d rather be safe than sorry having my computer not plugged in or on since I have a problem with anxiety and depression, and paranoia. Paranoia gets me sometimes and when I know I am safe and comfortable, paranoia isn’t so bad. Anyway, today has been one of those days for me but I am okay now. I have a new neighbor below me now.