The End of April Showers ??

april shower #1

With April over and May on its way, I do have to admit that I have decided to become a little more creative in my journal here. I believe that is what happens when it comes to being available all day and all night now that I am not busy with doing homework everyday/every week anymore since February 25, 2008. I am somewhat bored, yes, but I am taking it easy, and getting help from a company called Community Solutions, helping me find a job so in the field of accounting. I did two job shadow experiences this week, on Tuesday and Wednesday, that were related to the accounting field experience, and we are waiting on one more job shadow experience to do but if that does come through, then I will begin the initial job search, which I am excited about.

6 a.m. Wednesday Morning

About five hours later I am up, dressed and ready for my day. Sleep was definitely hard to find last night and I was up practically all night. Had a couple of hours of sleep. 3 hours away from my second job shadowing experience now and I wonder how well is going to be once I get there. I just do not know right now. I am tired and I hope, in order to keep my sanity, I am not cranky or a bitch anytime today. I hate being cranky and I definitely hate being a bitch, that’s for sure. My world has been spinning and it has been spinning a lot lately and sometimes I do not know which direction I am going and thankfully I have gone forward in most cases. I am just surprised that I am even up at this hour and I wonder how many neighbors are up at this hour of the morning. I hope I get some sleep tonight or I believe I will go crazy or bonkers or both. What is happening in my world lately has been strange and somewhat unusual. Do I have this feeling that HE will try calling me today? Yes, like every morning I have that fear and thankfully the last couple of days I have had no calls from her, yay and I know that sounds mean and rude but she does not get the message not to call me. I am repeating myself all over again in regard to HE, dang! Once again Bing slept with me most of the night. He was cute while he slept. I never knew Bing as a kitten but I saw kitten in him while he slept and he was cute. He once again only left to go to the bathroom in his litter box and to eat a morsel or two of food and came back to bed to be with me. Right now, after leaving to have a morsel of food again, he is lying on the bed leaning against my pillows. Boy, I wish I had more sleep, dang, I am so tired right now.

Midnight & Can Not Sleep

Ok, sleep has been HARD to find tonight. Not the first time and definitely not the last either. Watched American Idol at 7 p.m. last night and I do not know what to think about the contestants and their performances. I was weepy all evening long and I feel so foolish because of the fact that I have been weepy a lot lately and can not explain it. A friend called me before I went to bed, as a matter of fact called right when I laid down in bed and I had to get out of bed to answer the phone that was across the room. I did not mind that my friend called, though. She had called because she was going to the emergency room to get her migraine taken care of and I felt bad for her. Migraines are absolutely no fun. I have experienced migraines when I was a teenager and had a horrible migraine for two weeks March 2007 because of the stress of school and class and that migraine was a horrible experience. I hope my friend is okay or will be okay. Migraines are just bad … real bad. Bing has been a wonderful cat all day long since I had gotten back from my first job shadowing experience yesterday morning. He was kind of mad at me for awhile because I had left him home alone for three hours, got back from my job shadowing experience, and then left again to go to crafts downstairs in the community room for a while, and then of course, at 3 p.m. came back upstairs and then left again for a while. Bing did not seem to mind but he kept his distance for a while but stayed in my sight the entire time. One of his favorite spots to catnap is under the table in the kitchen on one of the chairs. What a good ol’ cat. I love him so much. By 4 p.m. I was finally home for the rest of the night and now after midnight I can not sleep. I don’t think it has anything to do with the job shadowing experience I will be going to from 9 a.m. to 12 noon but I am excited. Yesterday’s job experience was fun and I enjoyed my 3 hours away and did not want the 3 hours to end but of course time comes and goes. I personally think that I am not able to sleep because when i was getting ready to leave for my job shadowing experience yesterday morning I had seen a neighbor give attitude to the onsite manager and this tenant was not nice to the onsite manager at all. I just do not understand this person, the one who gave attitude to the onsite manager, like I once did. I wanted to throttle the neighbor. I wanted to scream and say that this person’s attitude is going to get her in serious trouble on day yet but I kept my mouth shut and thought that the attitude was pretty stupid. There are things I will not tolerate from this one person anymore and that is her attitude, lies, and her crap. I have had to walk away from some people because of the negativity people are involved in. Do I feel bad about walking away from people? No but it does hurt the ol’ heart because those heartstrings are pulled to the max. People do not need to have negativity and i feel I have weepy because negativity still being in my life to some degree yet. What else can I say? Nothing more I guess. Oh yeah, I dropped the stupid ice cube tray of frozen ice on the floor while trying to put the ice cube tray back in the freezer and so I had to pick up every ice cube and throw them in the sink or garbage. DANG! It is, once again, like last night, going to be a long night AGAIN! Oh well! I will be alright. I did not get a lot of sleep Monday night because at 3 a.m. in the morning I had gotten chilled to the bone and Bing was laying next to me or on me to help me with the chills and he did a fine/great job at it. Even though sleep was hard to find Monday night, I got up and was ready to go to my job shadowing experience even though I was tired and did not really wake up until 11 a.m., lol. It is going on 1 a.m. now (ten minutes away) and i am going to do my best at getting some rest now. GN! Please excuse me for bickering and bitching, and complaining once again my DD friends. I just had to do some venting and getting some things off my mind. Sleep is finding its way to me now, thank goodness. YAY! I will write more later.

Job Shadow Experience #1 – April 29, 2008

My first job shadow experience was awesome! I loved it and I can surely admit that I did not want the three hours to to end but of course it did and I came home and then went to crafts. My first job shadow experience was in Beloit, Wisconsin, at ABT Water and the gal that I shadowed was a sweet lady and someone who was able to share her accounting experience with me and what she did for ABT Water, and believe me, I am going to really like accounting once I got a job myself. I know that accounting is a stressful job but it is a good paying job and I have the degree (bachelor’s) to prove it that I want to work in the field of accounting. ABT Water is a business run by a young couple and the work environment is like a family oriented place. I love working in an family oriented place because it makes you feel at home away from home. The gal I was job shadowing, S could not share any information with me because of confidentiality that is totally understandable but I was able to see what she did at her job on a non-busy day. It was a fun experience. Like I said, I wish that the three hours did not fly by so quickly but when 1 p.m. rolled around, it was time for me to head back home and do other things. One of those things I need to do now is take care of Bing’s litter box, make sure he has plenty of food and water, and spend time with him. I have another job shadow experience tomorrow from 9 to 12 noon. More about that tomorrow. Gotta run for now. Later…

A Quickie

I will be job shadowing today in Beloit, Wisconsin, and I will be leaving here in twenty minutes. I did not sleep that well last night because after 3 a.m. I could not get back to sleep for some reason and I was chilled to the bone, but I am not sick. Bing was such a good cat and he stayed in bed with me the entire night except when he ran to the bathroom and ate a morsel or two of his food, but he was there for me. He helped me from shivering so much by leaning his 13 lb body against me or he laid on my legs to stop them from shaking. I do wonder if I had a little touch of something called nerves and excitement. Gotta run for now. I will be back sometime this afternoon if the weather holds out. Bye for now.

April 28, 2008

Not much is going on right now. It is a few minutes before 10 p.m. Monday night and in twelve hours I will be at my first job shadow experience in Beloit, Wisconsin for three hours. Earlier tonight I got a phone call from my surrogate mother NMS informing me that a church member passed away yesterday which made my heart ache and it still is aching. RK was an awesome fellow and I liked him a lot. No funeral arrangements at this time – it was just a death notice – a small notice in today’s paper. May RK’s family be comforted at this time during their grieving and loss. God really loved RK, and God does love RK’s boys, wife, and family. I just do not know what to say except that RK had been battling cancer for a while and I had hoped that his cancer would have been in remission forever. Phooey! Then haring about Aussiedeafman’s mother not going to make it made my heart ache even more so because I had only hoped that his mother would be ok. I do believe that Aussiedeafman’s mother fought a fine battle as frail as she had gotten. Death, at this time and because I am getting older, surrounds me from every direction no matter what I do or say, or go. I guess the older we get, the more we see some things in life that may not always be pleasant. Speaking of things not being pleasant at the moment, I have been having bad dreams about my upcoming graduation ceremony in MIlwaukee and those dreams, bad as they are, are getting pretty frustrating. I have also been waking up forgetting where I am at for a few minutes as if jolted awake from some dream that I do not remember or it is a dream of my graduation or something worse than that. I have not been eating anything different or have changed the time of my eating or my eating habits so I have absolutely no idea what I have been waking up in the middle of the night so abruptly. It has been going on for a few days now. Recently, since last week actually, I have been asleep by now and ready to get up for my day by 4 or 5 a.m. in the morning or just wide awake because I have been going to bed between 7 – 10 p.m.. Not tonight though. It is going on 10 p.m. in a couple of minutes now. So I have no idea what is going on. I have also been waking up, dreading the phone ringing being HE calling me and waking up to that dread has gotten my feathers rustled enough. Even this weekend a new neighbor has been moving in and he made tons of noise that just drove me crazy because my back was having spasms real bad which made me even more cranky by Sunday afternoon because every jump that my body made when the new neighbor dropped his belongings in his apartment hurt my back. Please excuse me for complaining but when I jumped, it made my back spasm real bad and it hurt bad enough even though I know the new neighbor is just moving in. I hope he is not rough with his belongings. Right now my back is having some spasms on the left side, lower portion of the back, ouch! I will be okay.

Good Afternoon From Wisconsin / My Thoughts For the Day

With this entry being the only entry of the day for today, I wanted to say hello to all my DD friends and readers from Wisconsin and also say good afternoon. I have been moody lately and today is not so bad compared to what I experienced Friday and yesterday. Not much is going on right now but I do have to admit that it is noontime and Bing is sleeping on the bed and only a stretch away from me when I move about. He has been so cuddly yesterday and today that I am spending time with him. Today is my movie watching day and lots of reading if I ever pick up the book I am reading at all today. My eyes were blurry for a while this morning and I just another day of peace and quiet. My mom in NM will be calling me today unless she forgets which forgetting for her is easy to do. I call her on Sundays too but not today I won’t. My heart feels kind of heavy with something I cannot quite explain at the moment but should as soon as the heaviness subsides. I have been a little weepy today like the weeping willow tree on a good day. No rain today but the sun is not out shining its yellow glow of light but it is not totally dark out at least. It is definitely daytime and the afternoon is on its way to evening in a few hours. I had gotten up at midnight to the sound of a neighbor saying good bye and good night to another neighbor and then I easily fell back to sleep until 3 a.m. when I found it harder to get back to sleep for some reason. I know I had fallen asleep between 7 p.m. – 10 p.m. last night. I went back to sleep, finally, and did not want to get up and dressed for the day but did at 8:30 a.m.. I am just having one of those days that today is only one entry day. Sorry gang. I am a little weepy today and I am not expecting to be a woman for seven to ten business days or anything. Just one of those days again. I gotta get a job to get my life on track again. I just have to get a job!!!! I need to get out of this apartment complex often and come home at night and snuggle up with Bing. I did not go through three years of college on line for nothing here. See one of those days!!

One Final Entry of the Day, Saturday Night, April 26, 2008

Well, I broke down and soaked in the bathtub in the water — the hottest I could stand. Was able to get out of the time just fine but did wish I took a shower instead to get out quicker. The hot water felt so good that I was relaxed even more so than I was over an hour or two ago. My bath ended my “me” time for this Saturday. Bing, once again was in the bathroom with me, waiting for me to get out of the tub, and once again, he sat on the tub’s ledge listening to me talk to him. What a fine cat he is. So loving, so caring, so cuddly, snuggly, and precious. Not one mean bone in his body — at least I think he does not have a mean bone in his body now anyway, lol. The Andy Griffith Show is still playing on TV Land and boy do I miss that show. Whatever happened to good television programming is beyond me except for the change in the times, and people’s interests are so different from the 70’s and the 80’s when the good shows were out there and no bad things happening on television today was not even heard of back in the 70’s or 80’s. I wish I could go back twenty to thirty years and relive them to make what I did wrong or incorrect right and be a different person that I am today. I am a little tired now and relaxed and ready for bed now. I can not believe that I spent an hour and a half in the tub soaking and washing up for the night. It sure does feel so good to be clean and smelling good. I take a shower twice a day on most nights but tonight was the first shower I took today since it was the weekend. Since this is my last entry of the day, April 26, 2008, I will be back tomorrow if the weather proves to be decent and foul weather does not occur. I am going to sign off for the night and see all my DD friends and readers tomorrow morning. Good night and God bless you all.

Saturday Evening

My evening has been fine and quiet. Finally finished watched some recorded shows and now listening to The Andy Griffith Show and planning on taking a quick shower before heading to bed for the evening. Did a lot of relaxing, watching television, reading, and Bing cuddled with me three different times. When he is cuddling with me, I do not like to interrupt his napping time with me because he is so cute when he is napping and cuddling with me. When he finally left the bed, I felt I was free to do what I wanted and I wanted to come back and write some more. Maybe after my shower I will come back before retiring for the night. I am not planning on going to church tomorrow morning since my back is aching enough. Thank goodness for shower chairs today, lol, sitting in the shower is better. I do not think soaking in a bath would be a good idea tonight but I have seriously considered that a few times in the past two hours as well even though getting up and out a tub is difficult during this time of the day or evening as we so call it. I did enjoy my “me” time and my phone only rang once so far today and that was when JS called around 6 p.m.. Waking up every morning wondering if HE is going to call me has been on my mind too and she did call yesterday but not today and she still does not get the message of me not picking up the phone to talk to her that I do not want to talk her. She still does not leave me alone exactly. I want HE to leave me alone right now. I am dealing some serious issues right now. I plan on coming back after my shower or tomorrow — see you all later and please excuse me for bickering about some things over and over again. Thanks DD friends and readers,

My Saturday

Another day, another weekend day I am taking for “me” time. I am vowing to myself from now on, since last week, that I am taking time for “me” and my cat Bing. However, today, I will be taking phone calls only for a select few only. I am dealing with a sore back and despite the soreness, I am moving about, but moving about very slowly. I do not know what I did except maybe sleeping wrong or got up to stand wrong. I am watching recordings of television shows that I recorded days ago. I think I am going to take Saturdays as my “me” time from this day forward and when I go to church with friends on Saturday, my “:me” time will begin right when I get home. I have not been to church on Saturday or Sunday for a long time but I intend on returning back soon. My weekdays have been filled with things to do that by Friday night I am definitely ready to spend the weekend. So far today I am really enjoying my “me” time and had cuddled or snuggled with Bing a couple of times today so far. I even took a nap, a little one, and I feel ok. My back is less sore than it was a few hours ago from sleeping on it correctly and getting some of the kink out. I still do not know what I did to my back. I am doing better now, though.