I have been expressing my thoughts, feelings, and ramblings here for a long time and I do not intend of leaving this place because I have found a home here with other diarists. I have seen many diarists come and go here at DD and I have shared my most innermost thoughts in private with my DD friends who are on my friends list and who want to be notified of my journal entries. I am happy here and no one is going to drive me away. I know who my true friends are here where I live and if I do not feel comfortable with someone, like a friend of a friend of mine, that friend will be told about it. I am not going to allow anyone to walk all over me and believe they have control of me when in reality I need to have control over my own self. People who do not like to be dealt the truth, knowing that the truth hurts, I won’t sugar coat the truth if I know it will be help someone grow. I have dealt the truth to a friend of mine the other day and she did not like what I told her but how she handled it is not in my ball park anymore. I do not care for a friend of a friend of mine because of this person’s attitude but it does not mean that I will be mean to this person when around this person. I just do not care for a friend of a friend of mine and that’s that. When I do not like it when my neighbor JS shoots off her mouth because someone pissed her off, I always tell her that she needs to be careful with her words and watch her mouth more so she does not end up getting in trouble, and I do not know if my words are heard or if she is even listening, but then again I do tell her the truth and I do not sugar coat the truth. I give out nothing but the truth. If my thoughts, feelings, and ramblings go to a friend of mine, and they do not like what I have written, I will not lie to no one. If I know the truth, I know the truth. This is my place and my place alone, and if something bites me in the butt in the long run, my butt will be bitten. The truth hurts and I have been dealt the truth most of my life and I will definitely feel like crying or will cry, I will take the truth and analyze what was said to me and make sense of it in the long run. This is my world of writing, and I will not hide my feelings with no one, and if I want my most innermost thoughts and feelings private, no one will be able to read my journal written at the time. I am sick and tired of people walking all over me and that is not going to happen here anymore. If someone believes I have changed in the past month and a half, I believe they do not know me very well or know me like they once did. Yes, I have changed in the past month and a half. I do not put up with no one’s bull crap anymore and I believe that is the problem right now.
I definitely have a problem now — a problem that I thought was taken care of a long time ago. A certain someone does not get the message that I do not want to talk to her. No, not my neighbor JS, but someone who I just do not always get along with. She has been told when she got my new telephone numbers that she was not to call my cell phone unless it is was an emergency, but she does. She calls my cell phone and if she does not get an answer there, she tries calling my home phone. What part of “do not call my cell phone unless it is an emergency” does she not understand. Also, there are reasons why I do not answer the phone when she calls and she continues to call me day in and day out and her trying to get a hold of me is driving me crazy. Why do some people do not get the message I do not want to talk to them if I do not answer their phone calls practically every time they call. It is just getting to the point of nonsense and I wish this one person will leave me alone. I get telemarketers calling me several times a week and so by the time this person calls me I am at my wits end. Also, this same person calls me at the wrong time every time she calls and I just do not feel comfortable telling this person my life problems when she has her own problems to contend with everyday. I have told this person not to call me for a while but she has called me everyday for the past four days twice — once on my phone phone and once on my cell phone. The other day, leaving a message on my machine, she was not very pleasant so I decided not to call her back and if someone has an attitude problem, I am not going to be a part of it. I have told this person many times as well that I have been super duper busy lately and my life does not involve her anymore.
Dancing Butterfly – Thank you for your tidbit of advice about yesterday’s journal entry. I do understand that what is said can one day bite me in the butt as I have had such things like that happen before. I have been dealing with stuff everywhere I go in my life and it just does not seem to quit no matter if I walk away from it or not. Being a part of drama really stinks to high heaven so I have been staying close to home in my own place with my door locked on most occasions because where i do live myself there is always something unpleasant going on and I do not want to be any part of it. Where my friend lives as well, apartment complexes are good at gossip and rumors, drama happens there too. I won’t say more but I do have to admit that people do have to make their own choices and the choices they make may not be the wisest choice either. I have decided to be apart of some things that involve this one friend and I do not know if this friend fully understands this but then again, I have control of me and me alone. I just have this feeling that people, in general, think they have control of me, but they are sadly mistaken after the fact that I am in control of myself now. If a person thinks I have changed and can not tell me the reason for the change, then maybe that person has changed and putting the blame on someone else and not on themselves.