I believe the title “Good Morning!” pretty much says it all. I did not sleep well last night – maybe about six hours of sleep – but I got up a little before 8 a.m. when my telephone rang. I decided to get up and get dressed anyway, even though I still felt tired. Even though I still feel tired about an hour later, I am definitely dressed, got online and checked my emails, and played a little bit of Diablo II, a game I have gotten for my computer a few weeks ago. In about two hours I am going to workout unless those plans have been changed since last night after seeing my neighbor RC. RC has a bad cold – no thanks to his daughter, lol.
If I remember to come back later to write again today, I will be back. I just want to do other things right now.
Even though I woke up after 9 a.m. this morning, I got up refreshed. At one point I did feel tired still but I do have a good reason to be tired more so. I am a woman going through her changes for the month now for the next few days. Even though I am going through some changes momentarily, I woke up to a world of light and comfort. I slept well last night.
This morning I had learned, that a game I have on my computer, does work fine – it just can not be in 3D mode. It works great in 2D mode – which I personally did not know even existed! LOL… Of course I did know that 2D does exist!!!
It has been a fairly good day. The weather indeed cold outdoors. We have snow on the ground from last Thursday’s snowstorm we had and it is still cold enough indoors to have the heat on. Anyway, despite the cold weather I went to the RAC to workout for a half an hour and then took my shower there and came home. Even though I am not in any classes yet after finishing five weeks of Economics, I am studying, reviewing, and reading up on the Accounting book I will be using for Financial Accounting 1 class. I am, at this point, not bored too death reading up on accounting for when my next class begins March 7th. Yes, I am still happy with the two weeks of vacation from classes. I deserve them both. I worked real hard in Economics to receive the B-!
My muscles ache slightly but too bad. I have to keep moving in order for those muscles not to sit still too long and ache to the point of madness. Otherwise I am doing great!
Oh my goodness…how can I put this? The cruelest thing has happened to me and believe me, my heart aches over it because words were read on a piece of paper. Those words, which I will repeat only once here now were: “I am in a cult” “I ama bad Christian” “You bitch”. These words, all of them, tugged at the ol’ heart strings, stinging me so harshly and hurtfully. I know for a fact that I am not in a cult, I am not a bad Christian, and I am not a bitch. None of the words were true and yet these words hurt me emotionally enough to still be on the front burner of my mind. What is worse is the fact that the first name of the person who sent those words on paper to me was on the envelope with his address. If it was my ex-boyfriend I will definitely be po’d more so than hurt emotionally as I have been for the past day and a half now. I had a police officer come over to take down information and he took the envelope with the note on paper and the person was not home. There will be a follow up on the matter. My heart tells me I did the right thing because no one has the right to harass anyone at any given time. When it comes to my beliefs and my Christianity, it is no one’s business whatsoever. I know I am not in a cult, I am not a bad Christian, and I am definitely not a bitch. I know I can be bitchy sometimes, but not a bitch in so many words. What happened yesterday was a cruel and nasty prank I have ever dealt with, and it is the worst prank I have ever had dealt with. It is disgusting and nasty and so cruel to down one’s beliefs and feelings about God. I do not have to explain my feelings to anyone about God to prove that I am a good or bad Christian. God knows who I am and what I am like, and I know for a fact that I don’t always make him happy even though he loves me dearly. It was just an awful prank I wish never to deal with again. It tugs at the ol’ heart strings! The person that did this to me has a mind of a bastard who can not live his own life without hurting others no matter if this person does happen to be an ex boyfriend of mine from years ago. I do believe that this person needs a life and get himself out of the nastiness he lives in. This person needs to grow up and get a life and that life should not have me included anymore. What a jerk and a creep this guy was. I hope he gets in trouble one day and learns what it is like to have to deal with this troubles.
My world in school is going smoothly. In fact, I just finished my Economics class after five weeks of frustration. It was a fine five weeks. I passsed my class with a B- and I could not ask for me after giving all of my effort and doing my best on days that seemed all goofy, wrong, and strange. I am pulling an 3.33 GPA right now and I am very happy with that. My next class is Financial Accounting 1 so I begin my Accounting classes in two weeks. Right now I am on a two week break and glad for this break. I worked so hard in this Economics class that my heart is still in my throat with surprise and awe. I personally did not think that I was going to even get the B- I did receive. I was personally expecting a D or C but I proved myself wrong and I won the frurstration battle I had for the past five weeks. I am a very happy camper indeed but still in awe. I do know that I should sleep well tonight- I hope anyway. The last couple of nights were pretty awknward for sleeping as I had a lot on my mind. I am definitely ok even though yesterday I was not too sure in the morning.
To give a little more light to my last journal entry, I did receive an email from this friend saying she has been planning on giving me a call but she was too tired and was going to go to bed shortly. That really tops it off. I do believe that my so-called friend is very selfish and she needs to start picking up the telephone to call me if she misses my voice so badly. It is irritating and annoying to see words on across the screen or on paper saying this and something is not followed through. I feel I have invested a lot of myself to this person and I am not getting much in return and believe me money is not any value right now. I do not know what to think about this person anymore. Friendshp is a two way street not a one way street and never was.
I have been practically beside myself lately and believe me when I say I have been beside myself lately. I just do not know what to do or even think about somone in particular in my life. This person will remain nameless but I can tell you that this person is a girl. I have been receiving emails from this particular friend asking me to email her back. In one of her emails she has told me that she misses hearing my voice. What? I have not been calling this friend because she does not even take the time to pick up the phone to call me. I feel I have been taking the initiative to call this person but she has not taken the time to call me. Yes, she does call me back but lately I have not noticed her taking the time to call me. If she misses hearing my voice then she can call me! I do not need to be the only person to call her. What is this person’s problem? I have no idea and I am no longer going to find out the answer by fishing out the answer. I am done with this person’s games and toying around. I do not even think there is a frieindship anymore between this girl and I. I do not feel comfortable telling her things because of the fact that there is an immaturity problem with this girl. I am not going to sit around at home here or anywhere worrying about this person anymore. If she does not take the time to pick up the phone to call me like she does with other friends, then I am through with the idea of picking up the phone and calling her. I have this feeling she is not sitting at home worried about me anyway and believe me when I might be wrong thinking this, but my feeling of her not worrying about me is so strong and I will not take those gut feelings lightly anymore.
With this situation in hand and still ongoing in my opinion, I have other things to worry about and I have to take care of myself. I am dealing with changes in my life that could affect me in a positive way as well as negatively, and believe me, taking care of myself has been put on hold way too long lately. I am right now sitting at home thinking of what I can do to change my life and most of the changes are being worked on in a fashion that has been taken seriously ever since I have been going to counseling. My world is not caving in right now but if I am not careful, one little bit of a cave in can be devastating in my emotional department of life. Why worry about a friendship that may not have existed for the past two years among this friend and I? I have no idea. Just this week I went to the eye doctor and then scheduled a procedure for my right eye to be done due to the fact that I have a secondary cataract on the capsule of the eye. I was prety scared and unsure of a lot of things at the time of the finding out but in the past few days I have gotten my questions answered and the unsureities developed into sureities after all. I am also attending classes online and have taken those classes very seriously. My seriousness about school seems to offend this one person and I just do not know what to think or do, or even say. I have realized that this past week has been rocky and pretty bumpy.
My world does not negativety and problems when I have my own problems and concerns. I need to think and do things for myself too. I am only one person who can only give so much of myself without feeling the pressure of other problems that I have no control over.
The past two weeks has been, what I feel, long and tiring. I have one week left of Economics after Tuesday and believe me, the pressure is definitely there and the anxiety is raging inside me. I can be happy and laughing one minute but crying and wanting to scream the next. I just feel a little mixed up right now and that does not seem funny right now – at least to me, anyway. The weather has been the least bit of help as far as my emotions gonig from one extreme to the next lately as well. Knowing it is still winter here in Wisconsin, we have been dealing with fairly mild weather and very little snow. Yes, very little snow. I am ok with the idea of having very little to no snow, but it is winter for goodness sakes and believe me, I do want so snow to play with. Believe it or not, my emotions have not been hiding lately and that is ok, but it is getting downright bad with the weather being so like it has been – fairly mild. I just do not know what to think tonight, really. I just want to bawl my eyes out and go to sleep and forget about some things but I won’t because life is so impoortant to me no matter what kind of day I am having.