Two of my entries were made for “friends only” today. Something was pressing on my mind for a long time – since Wednesday – and I needed to make it semi-private but yet share my thoughts with my online Dear Diary friends. Today was not all bad, but feelings were needed to be expressed after receiving an e-mail from a friend that was a little confusing. I also have my period which is no fun whatsoever. LOL, I did not keep that private did I?! That’s ok. This is my journal, my place, my words. Like some past entries I will make them totally private or for “friends only” and that will be a choice I will make from time to time. I have been leaving my journal wide open for the whole world to see lately, and sometimes I need to make things more personal. I know who Dear Diary diarists are my friends and who they aren’t. The internet is a wide world place and not the whole world knows me, lol. Anyway, I would like to thank my DD friends for their comments today of June 26, 2004! Thanks!
I will be back later. This is another late nighter…
I do have to agree that my friends have to stop talking about each other behind backs and so forth because it hurts. I should know, it hurts me very much. Yet, I am a doer of talking behind a person’s back too, but I am changing that. Janessa and I talked and she told me that with what happened Wednesday and Thursday between us is done and over with and her job interview, to her, was a flop anyway because her interviewer seemed rude and irritated and did not ask that many questions. They pretty much sat there saying nothing. Janessa was frustrated. I just have to remember not to call her on Thursdays and Fridays. Thursdays is her day of laundry and other chores, and Friday nights she works at the Moose Lodge in town. I was forgiven.
The only thing is this…how long will it be before I irritate someone in my friendly group again? Not long, lol. It seemms that way anyaway.
I feel I have talked until I have been blue in the face with some people in my life. I have asked some people to come directly to me if they have a problem with me somewhere instead of talking to someone else behind my back. I do not hav a problem having someone talk to someone else for advice on how to handle the problem, but…the person they talk to does not need to come to me. It makes me feel like a baby and I already have some of those issues related to my family already. Anyway, it does not matter. My talking until I am blue in the face does not count anyway. I am only one person with an opinion, but soome 0f those people do not like it when problems between them and a friend is meshed around between other people who are not in the situation or the problem.
Here I am…talking until I am blue in the face – again. Sometimes I feel I have been hit right in the face.
Just today, wishing that Wednesday and Thursday never even occurred at all, I had gotten an e-mail from my friend Janessa saying that I had caused her to get all upset before her 5 o’clock interview Thursday and she feels she will not get it now, and that at the interview, her and her interviewee did not exchange any but maybe two words altogether. She says she is ticked off at me but not mad at me. Honestly, being ticked off is the same as being mad and it is worse than mad. Then, with that what happened Wednesday morning, causing me to be irritated with two people acting childish and stupid, I had learned, in the same e-mail from Janessa that she and Kelly wanted to have the day to themselves without me along. Being as upset and shaking as I was, I did not hear that they wanted to with together without me along but I did not listen. First off I did not hear as upset as I felt between my irritation between me and two people.
Something was pressing on my mind ever since the beginning of the week and now I have the answer to what has been pressing. The friends I have: Kelly, Janessa, and Chad are in this pressing situation on my mind. They will talk about people behind their backs. Janessa talks to Kelly about what I do that irritates her and then I hear it from Kelly but not Janessa until maybe days later…like the e-mail that I had gotten today. I had just talked to Kelly about how my mother in New Mexico sometimes me feel and here my friends treat me like a baby because they are babies themselves and can not deal with an emotional situation just like me. I do not know what to do. Do I have to walk away from them and change my telephone number? I feel I shouldn’t or otherwise the situation at hand will be handled incorrectly. Otherwise, Jimmy, Kelly’s husband, is part of the pressing problem.
Yes, I am more emotional during my period as always. Almost every woman is. My friend Alaina told me so that she can be harsh at times, too. I feel, still that my emotions are used against me with some people and Kelly, Janessa, and Chad are the suspects of the whole thing in this pressing problem. I think we all need to grow up here.