10/31



In Loving Memory

R. Cummings

Nellie Mom’s sister died today around 7:15 a.m..

Halloween?

Although Halloween is not celebrated by me any longer, I do think there are some real cute costumes out there for the kids and grown ups who do Halloween. I wish that Halloween was not dressing up in a costume, going door to door, and getting candy from strangers and/or friends. I wish it did not exist and was a tradition. For the past month I have been ill with anxieties and the last couple of days I have dealt with some kind of flu bug — missing three days of school. I have been having nightmares and bad dreams regarding Halloween festivities and celebrations. It scares me to know that Halloween is a holiday for evil spirits and witchcraft and other spookies. I am so glad that I live in an security locked building where trick and treating is prohibited. I have not given out candy for the past several years for reasons that Halloween no longer interests me — it scares me. Halloween should not be celebrated but then again everyone is entitled to their opinions and decisions in life. i am only one person.

12 – 12:30 a.m.

Talk about Halloween being a bad night for pranks or weird things happening. I had a weird thing happen while asleep on the futon. My smoke detector malfuction twice, waking me up to a sound that seemed further away than in the hallway. I was half asleep and unsure of what was going on. When I jumped off the futon, I practically lost my balance staying on my weakened from the flu legs, and I went to the source of the wailing smoke detector, seeing no smoke or smelling of anything burning. I opened the bedroom door and did not see any smoke or smell any burning smells but I thought something was going on. I knew, in my heart, that Nellie Mom and her neice were at the hospital with Nellie’s sister, who died at 7:15 a.m. this morning, so I did not jump to hysterics or run for help. When I had awakened this morning, knowing that the office would not be open today, I called management in Milton and told them what happened last night, and within two hours, Jimmy, the maintenance man, came in with a new smoke detector, detached the malfunctioning one, and hooked the up the new one, and ever since then, I have been feeling a peace of quiet I was afraid was going to be disturbed throughout the rest of the night. All I had was a malfunctioning smoke detector that needed to be replaced and from what I understood by Jimmy, other detectors have malfunctioned as well. Here I thought that someone in the building was burning somethinig and the smoke got into my apartment, but there was no smoke smelled or seen. I also thought that a tenant, which we do have some real nasty ones, were playing a nasty prank on me, or the flu bug I have been having lately had really gone to my head and nothing was making any sense anymore. THE SMOKE DETECTOR HAD TO MALFUNCTION ON OCTOBER 31, 2003 – ON HALLOWEEN! EEEK!

My Boyfriend Rick

I really do not know what is Rick’s problem these days but I have been seeing a quality of him I have never seen before. I hate it when true colors come out later in a relationship which makes a relationship rocky. One of Rick’s problems is being with me 24/7. Even yesterday, not feeling well this entire week, he came over to help clean my house, and he had an attitude that was scary and so I did not say anything much. In fact, I did not have the energy to say much or argue. I am wondering if he is controlling and trying to run my life more than I once figured some time ago. I know having Rick over here all the time will cause our relationship to falter and I think that is exactly what is happening. I believe that our relationship is going downhill and I need to move on. I do not want abuse in my home or on me whatsoever. I will NOT allow Rick or any man control me to their full extent. I thought I was seeing the “not good side” of him. I am afraid of him now than I ever was when I first met him.

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I am going to write more later!

I do not usually write in my personal journal duriing Friday sundown to Saturday sundown but I did promise I woulld be back later in so many words.

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KIDS!

Four kids were caught throwing rocks in the apartment yard under my window. While four kids were throwing rocks anywhere possible. KIDS and their pranks that can be harmful and nasty. Even the paperboy did not deliver his papers the way they were supposed to be delivered but at least I got mine, LOL

The Flu!

I have been sick before…but this sick in a long time. YUCK!

One Last Entry For The Night

It is time, according to Emilee Cuddles, for me to go to bed. LOL!

10/29





How Can People Be So Cruel?

I have done nothing to anyone to deserve the kind of cruelty I have been receiving lately. Someone told me something that tugged at my heart strings to the point the tears flowed down my cheeks in the privacy my own home and I felt angry and hurt. I wanted to confront the person about her cruelty but then I considered the source and let the confrontation not exist. Even two days later, my heart still aches at such cruelty and nonsense. I am somewhat laughing about it now considering the source of the words and why they even came into play but the way the words were said and who heard them other than the person who said it, myself, and two people I do not know.

Get this! I am even having difficulties with the delivery of the papper! The paperboy, a young kid, seems to have an attitude that makes a whole room smell like rotten garbage. It seems that this kid has something against me and he is just causing so much trouble doing his delivery of papers.

I have no idea why people can be so cruel when I do not do anything to deserve such treatment or unkindness. I do have a right to complain and fume about what is bothersome just like everyone else.



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I Have Been Thinking

While sitting here at home, having time to myself without Rick around, I am seeing what kind of person he has turned out to be. I see the real Rick now. He is not abusive but he is surely possessive and I think he is controling. I will not take any controlling man into my life without a fight it seems. I love Rick, but he does not have to dominate my life which I am beginning to see. I have asked him, even though it was with some hrashness in voice, not to call me after 8 a.m. in the morning because I am just ab0ut ready to walk out the door to the bus stop. He CALLED ME this morning at 8:11 a.m. when I was getting ready to leave. He calls my home phone and my cell phone and I have askekd him to only call twice a day. He calls me at awkward times and that is bothersome! I have been thinking and seeing what kind of person Rick can be and he NEEDS TO GROW UP. He is insecure in many areas in his life and he IS TWO YEARS older than ME?! I have been wondering, a lot lately, if this relationship is going to last, and I am not sure of it right now.



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Need A Break

What is going on with Rick?



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I Did NOT get the paper tonight!

The paperboy did not get the paper tonight.