Today I sit at home waiting for time to pass. Not going to school today, which reminds me of the fact that I did not write in my school journal this week yet. Oh well. I thought I would get up early this morning and get a turkey roast in the crock pot with potatoes and have some for supper. Exciting! I am using the crock pot for the fourth time since I had gotten it in 1998 when I moved in here. Emilee woke me up with her meows. Tomorrow, being Friday, I have my oral presentation and I am nervous it is crazy!!!

For Some Reason



Tonight I do not feel like socializing much in writing. I have been feeling real strange all week now – this far – as my nervousness seems to finally dwindlle down from the past two weeks. I can not quite explain my feelings right now. I am, however, feeling better today. I have to do my first speech in Oral Communications on Friday and I am excited about getting it done and out of the way. Nervousness is playing a part as well so do not let me fool you. I have asked several friends if they wanted to do my speech for me, and all of them declined or said no way. Of the speeches I have heard so far, were very good. Just for some reason I do not feeling like writing a lot today…is that normal? I have been down emotionally long enough and I am the way to mend. I did not want to even turn on my computer on this evening but I got the urge at the last second of thinking about it so here I am. Just for some reason I want to do nothing but just ramble on and on with nothing in general. I am now on Prozac and that will take 8 weeks or so to start working at its full potential. I hope it works as being depressed is no fun whatsoever. Last Wednesday on through Monday we had rain and cloudiness that practically drove me bananas. Tuesday and Wednesday have been better. I am so prone to changes and moods. Even my ankles did not swell up that much today while I was at school. My blood pressure is doing fine at this time, yeah! I talked to my doctor today and I can check my blood pressure once a day now, yeah! When I went to the doctor to talk to her about my anxiety and depression, my BP was 150/100 but when I got home and relaxed, my BP was below 140 on the top and below 100 on the bottom. It was 111/76 this morning and 105/76 earlier this afternoon after a little rest. Yesterday afternoon, however, was a different story. My blood pressure was 92/67! That is low for me but fine. At least I am fine and on top of things. I will be seeing my doctor again two weeks from yesterday (Tuesday). How fun that will be! It will be ok anyway. The doctor(s) and I are staying on top of things and that is very important in order to stay healthy. For some reason I wrote more than I expected! Oh well, that’s ok, too. I think I am going to go for now. Bye…



I had the doctor’s appointment yesterday and the doctor was not wanting to put me on anything, but at the end she did put me on Prozac. That will help with the depression anyway.



I am tired today. I had my counseling appointment today at 11 a.m.. I even got my homework just about done for Friday’s speech in Oral Communications. I am going to go rest now and get ready for tomorrow. Had my bath now. Bye…

From Reading Other Entries



I am glad that other diarists had a good Easter Sunday w/ their families. I do have to say that the quietness of my home was nice but I was lonely all day. As I said before, plans for the day had fallen through because my friend RH was not feeling well. I did check on my neighbor’s cat earlier and she was fine. I think the rainy weather has affected her a little. She seems to be a little skitterish but otherwise fine. The neigher is planning on coming home tomorrow sometime. Her cat really misses her. As for my Easter Sunday, it was a typical Sunday for me except for the fact that my SIL called for all the kids and brother, I had gotten a call from my Aunt D from Gays Mills, Wisconsin, and I got a call from my friend Mark E. Otherwise it was quiet and I was lazy all day except for the fact I did some dishes and put them away immediately. I now have a headache and I am feeling kind of icky for some reason. i think the lack of sleep has taken its toll or it is beginning to. My Easter Sunday was noot so bad. But because I have been home all day without company or plans to be anywhere, I have been thinking a lot of the Easter Sunday’s I celebrated when I was growing up. A memory that hides in the back of my mind and makes me tear a bit. The memory will be written in my Grandpa Clarence’s Journal. My ID there is peanuts. Grandpa Clarence called me that during my teenage years. I guess my day was not so bad after all, hey? Nope!

Can’t Wait For Tomorrow To Come



Here I am, home alone today. Two wonderful things happened today so far. I had gotten a call from my SIL and family today after calling and leaving a message for them to wish them a happy day – Easter. Then I got a call from my pastor’s wife JS and we talked a while. Plans for the day have been put on hold because my neighbor is not feeling well so he was out of commission for the day so I am spending the day alone in my apartment while families around go be with their families. I wish I was either in Arkansas or Pennsylvania with family. Oh yeah, my Aunt D from Gays Mills called and wished me a happy day as well so really I and three wonderful tnings happen so far. So my day has not been a total disappointment thankfully. It is icky outside yet as I was hoping to go for a walk this afternoon but who wants to go outside into a grayness that is depressing.

I can not wait for tomorrow to come as I have a doctor’s appointmentn to find the right medication for my anxiety and depression that seems to hang on and not let me go. My appoitment at 3 p.m. is a relief to come. I am sick and tired of how I feel in the down mooments of life. We will see what the appointment will do to help. Honestly. this depression really stinks!

The Blahs



I really do not want to do much today. The weather looks icky outdoors as more rain comes and goes. Farmers need the rain indeed but we surely don’t need it for depression and anxiety that has plaqued me for the past two in a half weeks. Tomorrow I am going to see my primary doctor regarding medications for anxiety and depression since it has taken this long to snap out of anxiety and depresssion alone. What fun this really is…NOT! I feel blah and blue today and I have no plans today as today is supposedly Easter Sunday. To be very honest with you, it is just another Sunday today as the other Sundays I have already seen and left behind. Easter is another pagan holiday which rabbits and chicks, and eggs have come into play. The real meaning of the holiday is Jesus and what he did for us by dying on the cross. Every year anyway, Easter is pushed from date to date making Jesus’ death unknown except for the fact that he was crucified on Friday before Sabbath and rested on Sabbath (Saturday) and rose on Sunday, making the Sunday, the day he rose from the dead. I do not want to cause a great big controversy so I am going to end it here. I have no plans for today. The sun is trying to come out to play but I do not know what is going to happen as far as that goes. The weather is rainy and wet and kind of dark in a corner of the sky. It is just an icky day and it has been going on like this since the middle of the week – the threat of rain and thunder as days pass by. I have had too much grayness and want some sunlight now. It is depressing and just blah blah blah. I know I am not the only one who feels icky inside.

Today

I really do not have anything to say tonight. The program Hunter is back on NBC. Fred Drer and Stephanie Kramer are back. The shows are not reruns but new shows. I wonder if Hunter will stay high in the ratings. I missed last week’s show but then again, not sure of that. The weather is not good. We are expecting rain tomorrow for our Easter Sunday. What fun! It rained today with thunder in play. I visited my friend Mark at his parents home and saw his nephew Jordy for the very first time since he was born almost 3 years ago, lol. I have been home since 3ish this afternoon. Now tucked in for the night. I will, if it does not storm, write tomorrow.

Before Sabbath Begins Tonight, I Have An Entry To Write



For the past few days I have not been real hungry. Today my stomach growled as if it did not get any nourishment whatsoever these few days, I have been moody and really not wanting to go anywhere. I was in my pajamas all day until a couple of hours ago when I had to see Nellie Mom about something. I did come and go from my apartment to the neighbor’s to check on Oreo the cat, go back to my apartment to Nellie’s, from hers to mine, back to hers again. I hhae done a lot of leg work t0day a bit ago. I am not dreading this Sabbath to come at all…actually wanting it to come. I am going to take it easy the rest of the evening and tomorrow.