I NEED TO VENT!!!



Today I was gone from 10 a.m. – 2:45 p.m. running errands with Nana. I got my hair trimmed a bit – not a lot – at the styling salon – went to the store to a couple of things, to the bank, and got a sandwich, When we got back, I was glad to be back and yet not glad to be back. Now, after getting together with Lea for that length of time, I had felt a little mixed up in feeling regarding the get together. I had a good time and yet I felt uncomfortable at the same time. The friendship with Nana is strained I noticed. I just do not feel right right now. Should I have gotten together with Nana? I just do not know!! I am having mixed feelings right now. What can I do? There is so much going on here where I live right now. It is almost better to be away from here until things calm down again. I am so glad that I have school to contend with most of the time right now because it gives me something to do both inside and outside the home. I am not saying that the friendship with Nana is dying but it is definitely strained. I do not feel comfortable. For the past three weeks, going on four now, so much has happened that I do not even know about because I am not home and if I am home, I am in my apartment minding my own business. I do not see or hear what goes on in this place anymore. I do not want to be a part of anything here except for my own business and life. I have so much to d0 for the last three weeks of classes anyway. I have a good life – I just need to find happiness again, which I know is here but is temporarily lost. A lot of things in my life is strained except for three friendships…thankfully. i wish the friendship with Nana was not strained and yet I love her and do not want her health to take her down any further. I do care for Nana even though we have not had time together for a few weeks.

The Community Room

I see that the community room is “closed until further notice” once again. I do not know the just as to why the room is closed to the tenants but i have not been able to sit in the community room with great pleasure anyway for a long time. When I sat in the community room to wait for my ride to go to church, the same tenants would be sitting in the room complaining about this and that and saying things about other people that were not so nice, etc… I did not feel comfortable sitting in the community room for so long now. I could care less if the community room was closed permanently if it stops the gossip and rumors from hurting other tenants. I do not even know, now that it has been a long time, when was the last time I enjoyed sitting in the community room having a good time with my friends. I do know that I have played Yahtzee, Sorry, and UNO with my friends who live in this building. Two tenants, a couple now, have moved from here some time back, leaving three of us. Now, two more of my friends, which is the best thing, are moving out from here too. This place, once a joyous place for many, has become such a negative sounding place for a lot of people who hear about it on the outside.

My world here is a little mixed up. Who can I trust now a days. I have always been kind to people and saying hello and engaging in conversations with other tenants but now that has changed enough for me to change my attitude about some things. I even got a phone call from my 9 o’clock class instructor just to see if I was feeling better. That was soooooo sweet of Mary to do so. She is caring and compassionate. So much needs to change in my life and I do not know where to begin right now except to finish school with good grades and a good heart. But my life where I life, as far as the tenants are concerned, definitely needs to change for the better. Depression and anxiety is something awful most of the time. The place I live it should be a pleasant place to live, not a h*** hole and talk of the town of people which it is…and that is not fair to the tenants who do have absolutely nothing to do with what goes on as far as gossip and rumors are concerned. I can tell you that I am still the so-called victim to such things but I am not complaining about it at all.

This is my place and I do love it here a lot even though I do not like what is going on here. I am going to make the best of a not so good situation as best I can. The world is cruel at times and that does not seem fair, but I have a right to live where I’m living, and I am going to stay here. If i find a house someday, my dream will come true and it will be of God’s will.